… 15 weeks

We are fifteen weeks along!!15 weeks

As quickly as time feels to be flying by us so quickly, it seems to be passing as equally slow.

Our birth mother is great at sharing what’s going on with our little Holland….. I love the texts about what she “likes” and the “Hi, Mom!”¬† belly pictures! I know she’s up and moving about 4:30am and really likes bananas, while Mexican/spicy food isn’t her favorite!

I’m curious as to how her tastes and preferences in utero will translate to the “real¬†world”.

I’m amazed at how God has worked all of this out… how He has matured us and prepared us for the next stage in our life. I’m so glad that the friends he’s put in our lives are also expecting so that our girl will have playmates the same age as she will be! I’m humbled at his goodness and promise keeping.

I have an app that clues me in on everything that is going on with her – what’s developing, when and why. I love to see how God is so carefully and meticulously knitting her together. Seeing her little ultrasounds, hearing her heart beat are the most amazing and precious sights and sounds. I will forever be grateful……

Little H,
I’m looking forward to you! Slowing building your wardrobe, finalizing ideas about the nursery as I want to create a beautiful, peaceful place for you. We are doing our best to prepare for you in every aspect – we can’t wait to meet you!

… here’s to next 22 weeks of preparing, purchasing, organizing, washing, decorating, assembling, planning, and celebrating!

name

Signature

… getaway

I got away this weekend.

Not too far, nothing extravagant or incredibly fancy. Just a little getaway to relax, unwind, & celebrate.

20130511-160829.jpg

Austin, Texas.
Our capital. A city of great music, amazing food and local restaurants, and a ton of fun. A hop, skip, jump away from Houston.

Perfect timing. It’s Mother’s Day weekend and I’m walking a tight rope this year.

The original purpose of the trip is to celebrate one of my college friend’s 30th birthday. This little lady is the bomb-dot-com; she’s a fighter and she has the sweetest spirit that is so contagious and inspiring.
And, she deserves to be celebrated. I will support this gal as much as I can, as often as I can, until I can’t.
She’s fought and survived breast cancer…. She’s living cancer survivor who is so selfless & and kind.

So, I’m literally headed to celebrate this very moment.

20130511-162108.jpg
{{buckle up, sweethearts. Safety first!!}}

The upside to this amazing visit is that it’s during Mother’s Day weekend….. We will be home tomorrow to spend time with family, but I definitely need/appreciate this time away.

I was going over how I was feeling and motives for the temptations to delve into a few addictions of mine (spending and sugar), when I realized that for the first time I felt foolish. I felt so silly & immature for having feelings of sadness & disappointment of not being able to participate in such an honorable holiday.

For a brief second……. These questions & statements permeated my thoughts: How could you be selfish and sad enough to be glad about going away during such a holiday? You are self absorbed. There are people to be celebrated and you run away. You are ditching church as if your feelings are a justifiable reason to not worship with the Body.

But then, I thought…. “Yea, maybe” and kept packing my bag.

This weekend, I am okay with that.

I’m okay with privately and from a distance honoring my friends who are enjoying the first Mother’s Day. I will celebrate with my mother, mother in law, & sister in law tomorrow. We’ll take pictures and eat and celebrate. There will be time spent.

It will be difficult. I will more than likely let go of tears that I have worked so hard to hold back on the way home. Because it all just hurts so badly.

I will cry not tears of defeat or hopelessness but of disappointment and sadness. Pain and acknowledgement.

It’s a day where you are bombarded with confirmation of who and what you are not… You are reminded of why. For me it’a painful endo, for others it’s secondary infertility, or PCOS, or ____. Issues that are out of your control but control your life. Maybe the confusion and emptiness of not knowing why. Or, when. Or, how.

The sadness and pain of miscarriages, failed matches, and deaths. Reliving those moments, trying to ignore the “but, if I had just….” Or “what if’s”.

This day brings the acknowledgement that although its not this year, maybe the next. Or, maybe not at all. Or, again.

The acknowledgement that, yes…. I have not been able to have my own babies but my God is working something out. He is binding my heart to His, He is depositing His dreams and desires for me into my heart, presenting me with opportunities to share and do.

He is developing passions and allowing me to live out my purpose.

He is refining and perfecting me.

Today, I saw the why’s behind the motives that were pushing me toward shopping and cupcakes…. Things that aren’t bad in and of themselves but incredibly dangerous when I lean on them for comfort and solace over my Lord.

Before leaving for Austin, we went to the Galleria to have my watch fixed & shoe shop for Thomas & I both.

Thomas found some really nice shoes and I prayed that I wouldn’t be able to find any.

I could have sought comfort in the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, and bought shoes. It is possible. But, for me, at that time – I wouldn’t have been focused on God but my new shoes. Thinking about when I would wear them with what, creating outfits in my mind, and marveling at their perfectness.

Thank God, my prayers were answered.
Maybe, I’ll find some shoes next week. Lol.

This weekend is an opportunity to get away and focus on God.
To remind myself that even though I’m on the outside looking in, but, it’s a time of preparation. A time of growth. Moments of drawing near to the heart of my Father.
A weekend of enjoyment and celebration…… Amazing weather and friends.

I thank God for this time…. The ability to get away. Friends inviting us to celebrate.

In time, these moments will be but memories and testimonies to the goodness of our God.

Moments of humility that remind me of what used to not be, moments that will remind me to rejoice and bask in a dirty diaper to change and a little one to rock well into the night.

Until then……. We hit the road.

…. Here’s to perspective and goodness and time.

Alaina.

Signature

… take a break

I’m a busy bee….. I’m always doing SOMETHING and can hardly stand doing nothing. I have to be actively productive or else my mind is whizzing and whirling with different things I could be doing.

I don’t do breaks.

But, after the week Thomas and I have had, a break is much needed. So, I’m taking a BREAK to blog and post REAL pictures.

Here is my most recent adventures in pictures…..

My super exciting trip to the ER complete with addmission to the hospital and a one night stay. (these are handy dandy iPhone pictures… the real deals are next! lol)
… exciting. I was asked a trillion times what my name and birthday were. I get the why – really, I do. I, also, just felt like a 2 year old being drilled on info they should know.
Thomas is quite the guy. I often feel like I need snacks and an iPad with me whenever we will be sitting for a while. Unfortuately, nothing would quite entertain him like watching the Olympics (or going to get something for me) from this wheelchair.
Oh, the joys of hopsital addmission and stays. The remote, my iPad, a juicy book I’m going through a second time (I mean, how can you resist Christian Trevelyan??), and magazines reads kept me going. The sweet treat was brought in my the hubs. I’m sure I wasn’t supposed to have it but it sure was tasty!! Tazo tea is the perfect summer drink!

Bow making…. numerous trips to Hobby Lobby, countless hours, and 36 bows later.. Wah-la……

…. and these bows were just in time for NCA cheer camp!

This was the first year I took my cheerleaders to a real cheer camp and to be quite honest, they were in above their heads competing with squads full of girls who competively cheered and who were just much more skilled and experienced than they were. BUT, we won the Spirit stick, two red Excellent and two blue Superior ribbons, three All – American nominations, three certificates for motions & stunting, and a Nationals bid. To top it all off, we came home with a Spirit stick. These girls completely surpassed what I thought they would do even though they accomplished exactly what I sent them for. They left cheer camp with so much more confidence in their skills and abilities as individuals and a team…. OMG! We won Most Improved Award which allowed us to leave with a little hardware. Yes. We have a trophy! Maybe not for the most prestigious award but definitely one that lets my girls know theat their hard work and determination was acknowledged! We will definitley be back next year!!
And, this is me and our Spirit Stick! So excited!!

Here are my girls with the NCA staff who taught them a ton! They had a great time!! And, I did, too! It fun was fun being on the other side of camp – as a coach! We had coach’s class and everything. You know I had to come prepared! LOL.

All of this on top of working at the school making sure everything I’m apart of at the school is running well… working hard to make sure my classroom is ready … helping Thomas when and where I can. It’s loads of fun! I’m just glad about getting everything I need laminated before the rush! And, all of this cutting is nothing short of exciting and much more time consuming than I ever imagined. I guess that’s what I get for having this crazy tedious, made from scratch room theme I thought up. I’m literally making everything for my boards short of the background paper and border. On top of the boards for the main hallways. Same goes for those 3, too. Lucky for me, I’m working with one of my other super talented and creative (i.e. just as unable to sit and just as much excited about life as I am) on the hallway boards. Which means two things – the work isn’t as much but the work is twice as much because we think of so much way too much! But, it’s always fun and the results are never short of spectacular. (sorry, no pix just yet. Once I’m completey finished, I promise to post it all!!)

Hope you guys have enjoyed your summer! It’s coming to an end quite quickly and it’s time to start (drum rollll, please…) SCHOOL SHOPPING!!!! (& the crowd goes wild!!!)
…. have fun with that! I know I am!!

…. here’s to ending the summer with nothing greater than shopping for school clothes and taking breaks!! …. even if they are semi- work related! lol.
…. here’s to you guys being so accepting of my Instagram pix!! LOL! You’re too kind!!! (FOLLOW ME!! @amayes)

Signature