… stuck

Grrr, you guys… these past two weeks have been a bit    s l o w.

I’m not sure of what to say or where to really go next….. For some reason, I’m nervous about sharing. There have been times when I’ve been a little gun shy but even in those times there was nothing inside of me that urged me to keep quiet.

However,
I feel that way now.

I have a few thoughts that I believe are pointing me to the truths about who I am, but honestly I don’t want to go to that space with myself, alone. It’s not always easy to be transparent – even with yourself- because it forces you to deal with your junk. Right now, light is shining quite brightly on my junk. All of it.

It’s funny how situations and circumstances show you a part of yourself that you feel has been dealt with…. or, you’re brought back to a place you thought you matured in.

Flesh and spirit.

Spiritual warfare going on within your own mind/soul is frustrating. It’s hard.

Yes, it’s a constant warring within yourself, but I don’t ever remember battling something that was so inconspicuous. Even to my own eye.

I know that it’s not “me” who will conquer my sinfulness – my selfish responses, my outbursts of anger, or my impatience. I can’t make myself  forgive in the same ways God does – I have to depend on God for the ability to do that, it goes directly against my nature.

My prayer is that while I struggle to give everything to God, I will constantly be reminded of why I even have the opportunity to go to God in the first place. The sins of another I’m struggling to forgive are no bigger than my own sins that were forgiven when Christ died because of me. For me.

My soul gets it. My want my flesh to grasp it, as well.
(Realizing that my flesh will never “get” it. Nor does it want to.)

I’m reading, loving, and being convicted by Romans 8.
I love that Christ is our advocate, our burden bearer, and one who our freedom rests in. I love that He gives us a new way of life… how He gives us a more peaceful way to live & the encouragement and strength to live such a life in Him.

This adoption process brings so much out of you – I am aggravated by it while needing & desiring the sifting process at the same time.

Less flesh, more spirit.
Less me, more Christ.
More faith.
Less resentment and anger, more forgiveness and grace.
More grace. More grace. More grace.

As I move out of this … place, I want to definitely send out loads and looooads of thank yous and hugs.Your support and love has been insane & I appreciate it more than you know.

Trust that we are fine. That things are falling into place. Hopefully, I’ll be more comfortable with sharing exactly how these little puzzle pieces are fitting together soon. 🙂

… here’s to the anchor, strong and secure.

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… just be patient

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I have to say that this is one of my favorite scriptures in the Bible. When I was first coming to truly know God, this scripture is what I put my money on.

There have been times when it was incredibly difficult to believe that everything I was experiencing was for my good – especially in the moment- but those same circumstances and issues have prepared me for where I am right now.

Trusting God through the muck of life shapes us into a more useful Christians. Someone God has been molding and shaping to do a specific work for Him. But, in order to see our struggles as a benefit to us and as preparation rather than “a bad hand dealt”, we have to understand that God has a wonderful plan for our lives. We have to trust that God is with us through it all. We have to truly believe that someday, that one day we will use the knowledge and experiences, the character improvements we gained for the building of God’s people and His kingdom.

That’s what this life is all about.

There are times we have to go through some tough times to truly learn who God is. Without knowledge of who He is, we cannot love Him. We can love the idea of Him but not Him. The thought that someone loves us and has a plan for us, who forgives us, and comforts us sounds fantastic until…….
but how will we move from an idea of God to knowledge of God without experience???

We can’t say we love a person until we know them… Until we have experienced them in the good and the bad. Seen them respond/react/behave in various positions & circumstances. Without knowledge we love who we think they are, we love the traits & behaviors we want to see. Not the person with 100% disclosure about their character, habits, or personality.

Everything is always grand until we get into a tough spot.

God knows that if everything is always good, we love the idea of Him. Not Him for who He is. He is a comforter- but how will we ever know that unless we have to be comforted? A healer- not to those who are well. A provider. A protector. A deliverer. Almighty. Gracious.

And, it’s when “all things” aren’t perfect. When “all things” are hard for a very long time. When “all things” are falling apart that we learn to trust and depend on our Savior. When we learn the most about Him. When we learn that He is exactly who He says He is when we learn to love and trust Him.

That is when “all things” work together for us. Our pasts and our struggles prepare us for a platform God will give us to share our stories, our testimonies, our experiences with others to give them hope and strengthen our faith.

We’re here for each other. Our “all things” aren’t only to be a benefit to us, but for the entire body! We all struggle with the same things – God planned it perfectly that way in order for us to be able to support each other and point us back to the truths of God in our times of need.

All things work together for good. For those who love God and are called to His purpose.

It will be okay. No matter what it is – it will always be okay and work out for our good & God’s glory!

A promise. You just have to believe it. Believe that our God cannot lie and will make good on what He says.

…. here’s to learning patience and discipline .. to being pushed closer to God & learning who He is while we wait for the good to come.

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… pause!

I’m doing nothing…. besides breathing and watching the Olympics.

I promised pictures of my room when it was complete and it’s almost there. I have most of my boards push – pinned just in case I want to switch or move something around.
My theme this year is TV Networks although I don’t really condone mindlessly vegging out in front of the TV – it’s really turned out to be a pretty cute idea.

I drew (with the help of my Eno board and Google images) EVERYTHING for my boards. Literally. So, I’m quite proud of what it’s shaping out to look like.

My desk faces two boards and one always ends up being my favorite.  Why THIS specific board – I really don’t know. It just always ends up being my love. And, yet again…. this one doesn’t disappoint.
Obviously, this board’s network is OWN with a twist on the show Addicted to Food…. We’re addicted to words with a little guy spewing out all kinds of Parts of Speech! LOL. I’m pretty sure I’ll end up changing the red “t” and “o” to yellow or a light blue and repositioning the TV a little bit, but in the mean time this is it. The words will change quite often, y’all just pray I don’t lose steam….. making these words are simple but time consuming.

Sidebar,
I’ve started reading Ephesians and plan to move into 1 John then Romans….. the goal is to get some perspective, insight, and movtivation which is pretty EASY when reading Romans I know for sure. (…… and, I’m learning the first few chapters of Ephesians). Along, with learning about the character of God (which I pray rubs off quite a bit on me) . God’s grace and love is tough to deny when reading these books. You just feel this overwhelming sense of gratitude and desire to worship. Sometimes, it’s so hard to believe that you are worthy of such of a love. Most of the time, usually. For me, at least. But, I am grateful for it. And, the fact that I’m chosen motivates me even more…… if to do nothing else, but to be still much more often and learn more about my God by spending time with Him.

One more thing……
….. Um, aren’t you in love with the Olympics?!
These athletes are UH-MAY-ZIIIIIIIIIIG………. whoooooooa! They are so talented it’s crazy!!
I just love Lolo – she’s beautiful and is working hard! Hope she makes finals!
Women’s gymnastics – I could scream!!! How awesome for these young ladies, they are so hard working and determined! Gabby – just inspirational!
Men’s/women’s swimming – don’t you just love Missy Franklin’s personality?! She’s an humble doll!
& Bolt! I just love his name! Reminds me of the Pixar movie (which I love)! His speed and the pose – classic. lol. I’m entertained.

… here’s to learning to take time.
…. here’s to trusting God. He loves us. (thankfully)

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