… quiet moments

It’s 2:40 in the morning. And, unfortunately, I’m awake.

5 am will come quite quickly and I’m going to wish I could reclaim the last hour plus I’ve been awake.

This seems to be my “time” though…. At least three times a week, I wake up about 2a and can’t fall asleep again until about three.

Hoping to spend this time wisely. Allowing God to search my heart and reveal to me the ickiness that’s found it’s place in the very place that guides my thoughts, speech, and life.

Praying that this is where I can be most free and vulnerable. Praying, crying, and just opening my heart without fear or self consciousness hindering me.

I’m still so emotional over Tenth Avenue North’s song Worn.
I thought today about how our lives are exactly what God planned for them to be. Sometimes that’s hard for me to accept. Hard for me to swallow. Hard for me to want to hear and I realize that it’s only hard because I’m thinking of myself. My wants. My preferences. My heart’s desires (that are rooted in me).

And, when the truth sets in, I’m convicted and my perspective shifts from wishing this and sad because of that- I remember that my life isn’t about me. That if I were to stay face to face with my Lord I’d realize that even though its hard and “my prayers wear thin”, even though I’m weakened and feeling beat down – God’s glory is at stake. I’m challenged to depend on him for strength to get through it all, strength to be patient & kind when it’s really just not there. I have to choose to do what’s hard and uncomfortable.

I have to believe that he sees me, that he cares for me, and that he is sanctifying me. That he’s cleaning me up. That he’s preparing me.

I have to stay near him – I don’t like the impatient, rude, hard, and difficult person that tends to emerge when I allow my schedule to create distance. It leaves me so completely open to focus on this life and myself.
I get frustrated at what I feel and how I’m behaving. That my weariness is wearing on me. That there seems to be no relief.

Then, I’m thankful for these early morning moments when I know God is calling me to his side. Refocusing me. Comforting me. Wiping my tears and strengthening me for the day’s challenges.

And, I’m at peace.
For The Lord is a dwelling place and underneath are the everlasting arms.

In him there is peace, forgiveness, redemption, sanctification, and joy. There’s hope. And, the realization that life isn’t all that bad.

That he gives. He surprises. He blesses. He sees us and thinks of us and gifts us at just the right time.

So, frustration turns to peace, irritation becomes patience, and we’re revitalized by the fact that we serve a God who loves us and he deserves our greatest so that he can receive the utmost glory.

Forgive me, God.
My life isn’t about me, but you and you have blessed us even in our self focused sin. You’re good and I thank you for your unwavering character, your steadfast promises and truths, and your dedication to sanctifying someone such as myself. I honor you and today I pray that my behavior and words glorify you.

…. to a refocused heart.
And the last hour and forty five minutes of restful sleep I’m praying for. 🙂

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… of great worth

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What a promise.
This is a promise full of rich & heavy rewards for the wife and woman who seek after God & who are determined to live counter culturally. Which isn’t easy.

Our culture doesn’t honor a woman who is gentle & quiet. One who doesn’t always have to respond to every action or word spoken to her. One who knows when to speak & does so in such a way to her wisdom is heard and accepted.

The culture & our negative experiences have led us to believe that the only way to be strong is to be loud, aggressive, & cutting. The world we live in today wouldn’t advise you to be meek & gentle because you’ll be taken advantage of and abused.

But, then the culture betrays us and puts us on this merry-go-round of emotions because we’re hurt & angey when our men don’t respect us, when they won’t lead, & retreat.
The culture won’t tell you that the way it’s programming you to think will tear down your man and your very own home. It will have you truly believing that this way, aggressive & boisterous, is the way to protect yourself and to remain true to yourself. But, it will forget to warn you about your children & how they will learn to live and love/respect other men & women in their lives. It won’t tell you that your chosen way of life will create more conflict than peaceable situations.

I pray that you will see how important it is and how good it is for us as women & wives to walk in the way God laid out for us. I pray that we place attributes and character traits that He loves and finds beautiful above the ones that the culture prefers.
I pray that you see the influence you are able to have in your home, workplace, church, & community just by knowing how and when to say what truly needs to be said. I pray that you seek wisdom and ask God to mold you into the Godly woman/mother/wife He would have you to be. I urge you to find other women in your communities who are gentle & quiet in spirit who will help you along the way.
In Jesus’ name!!
At times, we have a backwards way of looking at life. We tend to think that the louder, flashier, and “bigger” we are, the more attention we will get. I challenge this perspective. The quiet, more humble one who is busy serving may not get the most attention first, but soon her worth will be recognized and she will be honored. She is confident- she doesn’t need to be loud. She is wise- she understands that if she busy trying to get the attention of others, she isn’t focused on the task at hand. She doesn’t focus completely on out shining anyone because she knows who she is and for what she’s here for. She’s not looking for the approval or acknowledgment of the culture or anyone drawn to it.

Her God is pleased, her husband is respected, her children have a Godly role model, & her home is peaceful.

This week, pray that the Holy Spirit urges you to be gentle & quiet. Ask God to develop a spirit in which He will be pleased. And, pray that you will be sensitive to the spirit’s nudges and whispers.

For a woman of noble character is worth far more than rubies.

… here’s to being worthy. (Straighten your crowns, ladies!)

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… fresh starts

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For years, I admired anyone who had a regular Bible reading regimen….. Especially those who read and studied in the wee hours of the mornings.

I never got into morning devotions because I struggle so much with getting up in the morning. Then, I never really knew how to go through the Bible effectively and finding a devotional that was “right” for me was even harder.

I most recently found a Devo that I completely adore that has a morning and evening reading and it is spectacular. Not only are the devotionals good but I’m more enjoying how my days unfold and my person is so much calmer than they were when I rushed through those amazing, quiet moments of the morning.

I crave them now.
And, I am working to be even more intent on grasping everything that I can from my readings.
So, I have a nice little assortment of colored pens, notebook paper, dividers, and even a pen pouch to keep organized and prepared! Lol.

I’ve also joined an online community of women who follow Bible reading plans called She Reads Truth. More amazingness read in the morning. More to understand, grasp, & deal with throughout my days.

**** read, more reasons to use all of my goodies! ****

And, I love it.

I’m so grateful for this lesson of spending quiet moments with God…. a lesson I wish I’d learned and worked that much harder to seek when I was younger.

One of my devotionals is Morning & Evening by Charles Spurgeon. And, you can join me in the She Reads Truth online-community when you click here.

I am lucky to be able to have mornings that are easy and as late as I want them. I’m worried that school will start and knock me completely off track. We’ll see. I still have about a month before everything begins so hopefully after a couple of weeks of adjusting to the time change, I’ll be solid.

Hopefully!

… here’s to growing in knowledge and being shaped in faith! No regrets.

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