spurgeon goodness

IMG_5738.PNG“…. the promise of the new covenant is affliction….
If you hear fruit, you will have to endure affliction….
But, this affliction works out precious results.”
– Spurgeon, Morning & Evening

Thank God for his faithfulness and for being a constant source of strength and patience. For being a promise keeper and a life giver. A redeemer and friend. Comfort and peace. Mercy, hope, and grace.

Amen.

{sidebar: I love these babies every crinkle, roll, snore, and toot. I mean, just look at those chapped lips. How could you not obsess over them! Lol}

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surprise, surprise!

I am at a complete loss for words right now. Tears are flowing and my heart is so very full.

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WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!
SERIOUSLY.

So, I’m going to break this news up into a couple, maybe three, posts. There just seems to be so much going on and so much that I want to say, there’s so much to process. And, all of it won’t fit cohesively into one post!

When I began this blog three years ago this past May, I said that I would be so open and transparent in sharing the good, bad, and ugly of our journey. During the fertility treatments, I knew that if they went well, there is no way I would hold the news for 12 weeks, through the first trimester. I knew that I would keep the blog as current as I could. I held very little back during the adoption processes, withholding what I did out of my desire respect our birth family…. this has been a very open space. My space. The place I came to deal with a lot of what I was going through, to connect with other women who were experiencing the same things I’d had, to let others know that they aren’t alone in what they were feeling and going through.

And, I want to hold true to that.
Yes, I am fully aware how early we are in our pregnancy. Yes, I understand how things can go very wrong at any moment (um, hello… have you read my blog? lol). I understand exactly what I’m doing. And, I know that as excited as many of you are, some of you may be a little fearful or concerned. Take those fears and concerns to the cross and kneel right beside me. We’re in the same boat, sister (or brother)! Nothing has ever felt more real or scary. Nothing has felt more important.

So…. OMG!!! lol.
This is happening.

We are literally smack dab in the middle of the first trimester – 6 weeks tomorrow. I’ve known for about  a week and a half that this little bun has been tagging along with me but it feels much longer than that.

But, I am grateful. Scared, but so thankful. Shocked and humbled at God choosing to give us the desires of our hearts in the way that He has. At the time that he has. It’s unreal to have lived all of this and to KNOW that God had this in his plan the whole time.

To literally see how God keep his promises.
To see how He provides for his children.
To see how He takes what’s done to harm you & work things out for your good.
To see how all things work together.
To see how He gives you a crown of beauty for your ashes.
To see how He lifts up your head.
To know that He hasn’t forgotten about you.
To know that His timing is truly perfect.

It truly doesn’t seem real. It’s still a dream.
I can’t wait to see our little bun, our blessing.
He gave us a sweet little life.
The greatest surprise of all.

We are having a baby!!!! 

And, yes, while we are excited and adjusting to the newness and life changes that comes with having a little in-house partner in crime, we are praying/expecting/believing all things to go well- that I will carry our little bun full term and that we will both cross that 40 week finish line healthy and extremely happy! We hope that you’ll pray for those things, as well!<

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the battle

And, because I always have something else to say……

This battle truly isn’t against flesh and blood. These people you see on a day to day basis are led by something so much greater than they are. On a greater level, we can’t (and don’t) control ourselves, we are controlled by what lives inside of you. The goals of who lives inside of you are automatically and subconsciously yours goals, as well. Overtime, you become more like the one you follow. When the Spirit of the Lord is ruling within you, as a human being you will make some grand mistakes, but there’s something inside of you that crave what is right and what is good. But, when you are filled with the evil one, his goals to kill, steal, and destroy are carried out through you. You are blinded by deceit and covered in darkness so you don’t see what you’re doing, where you’re going, or the outcomes of your actions.

There’s a very good reason God told the Israelites in Exodus to be still and allow Him to fight their battles. I’m not a Jew and I’m not living in the wilderness being led to conquer all of this land, but I am a child God battling those on the other side of the line. God told us that in this life we will struggle, that it isn’t a cake walk, but he also said that he is with us.

We can’t win on our own. I would never, EVER want to go against darkness by myself. Or even with a friend. We’d both lose. Terribly. I’d be distracted by my favorite things and fall into all the honey covered piles of sh*t because I’m being led somewhere random and deceived along the way.

Be sure what side of the line you’re standing on and why. There are times we are on the right side but get muddy in doing the work of God, but even in being muddy, we are covered. There are times we have to be bold and stand up for what is right. To be strong and courageous as we’re told over and over again.

Psalms 3:3 
But you Lord are a shield around me, my glory, The One who lifts my head high.

If you listen to Israel Houghton, you probably sang the first part of that verse!  I always end up singing “you, Lord, are a shield around me, everywhere, everywhere that I go!” from Everywhere That I Go when I read that chapter of Psalms. lol.     Great song declaring God’s promises to His children!

Y’all be easy…. thanks for listening to my heart. This really is my safe place, my space to let it all out. You’re gracious to keep reading and filling my inbox with your good. A million thanks will never quite do it.

Post jams: Champion by Tye Tribbett, Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies) by Chris Tomlin

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