goodbye, summer!

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Oh the sky will be blue
And you guys’ll be there too
When I finally do what frozen things do
In summer!
– Olaf

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When the girls and summer leave right about the same time, always a bitter sweet time. We spent our days lounging, watching lots of Frozen, painting, cooking, swimming, playing, and baby watching.

One thing that warms my heart so much as an aunt and a mama to be is how loved our little people are by their cousins. Aliya and Ari are so excited about their new cousins coming. They loved to watch them on ultrasounds and talked about them so much! Aliya is so protective – telling her sister “No, you can’t have any of Alaina’s food… She needs to eat! She’s pregnant!” when her sister is asking for bites of whatever I’m eating. Ari loves to give them hugs and tells them “Hi, babies!” all the time. If I was lying down, she would lie next to me with her head near/on my belly!

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Summer days and nights with these girls house the best memories, the deepest laughs, and the best hugs and snuggles.
I definitely learn to manage my time a bit better, let the less important tasks and to do’s wait a bit until the games are over, bellies are fed, hands are washed, and snuggles are done.
Even though the help with vacuuming and dusting was fun time spent together, it was important to be to also spend time doing things they enjoyed even if I thought it was boring. I want them to know that what they wanted to do was just as important as the cleaning. I listened to their stories, their jokes, their songs, and watched their dance moves because I want them to know that they’re worth listening to and watching. That they’re worth my attention.
I performed the same yoga sequences over and over again because I knew that they wanted to do the same things I was doing. And, I wanted them to see that they can do what seems hard with practice.

Every summer they teach me more and more and more.
More about patience. More about myself and the heart of what what I long for deep within myself.
Love. Acceptance. Patience. Time. Faith. Encouragement.
And, the confidence that comes with knowing you’ve got people on your side.

Every summer gets better….. When we do things that families do in summer!
Holler.

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… all that I am

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I’m hurting tonight. Feeling guilty & horrible.

I had a rough day at at work- the classroom chewed me up and spit me out today.

These are times that I completely hate who I can be.

Those are the times I thank God for grace and I realize how human I am. How much in need of Christ’s blood I am. How sinful and unworthy I am.

Those are the times I am grateful for God’s graces. Innumerable chances. His love. His forgiveness.

Tough days call for an even tougher God who can cover it all. Grateful for the covering, for the ability to hide in Him, and find the power within him to be better.

It hurts to know that I again disappointed and didn’t love up honoring God in all that I did today. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be better.

Hoping that the hugs, apologies, sweet words, and encouragement that I dole out daily outweigh the ugly moments.

… here’s to undeserved grace and love.

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… worn

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I heard this song on Brandon Heath’s Pandora station and all but fell apart on the inside.

Between our adoption/fostering process being the most difficult situation and school starting – I am completely worn out.

Physically, emotionally, and mentally.

But, I see God’s grace in so many ways in every area I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I just have to get there.

I hear His voice guiding me and giving me directions on what to do when. Unfortunately, there have been times when, in the heat of the moment, I’ve forgotten everything He’s said. But, thankfully in His grace, he continues to give me opportunities to do better and obey the second (fifth) time around.

And, when I remember how gracious and patient he is to me….. It’s a bit easier to remember to be gracious and patient with my kids at school. I hope I’m getting better. I hope I’m listening more. I hope I am hearing him in the midst of everything else that is going on.

Just like I hope my kids are hearing me when their friends are talking to them or when they’re chatty and excited about learning the Scientific Method with candy …… (Yesterday was rough, y’all….)

I pray that I remember that he told me to be silent rather than impatient. To walk away rather than roll my eyes or give “a look”. And, reminds me to go back to love on and apologize when I’m wrong.

He shows me His glory. He gave us rest when we’re weary and worn. He sees our tears and hears our cries. He loves us. He fills us with HIS peace and joy until redemption comes.

He prepares us before he gives us his best.
And, for that preparation process- even when it’s painful – I am thankful for.

…. here’s to being comforted by the Comforter when I completely worn and forgive when I’m completely wrong.

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