… a tiny fierceness

My current, most beloved, and longest lasting screen saver to date…….

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I really just realized how small I was. “Just realizing” meaning within the last year or so. After my 13 yr old sister and 11 year old niece continuing to inch past me, centimeter by centimeter. Along with the fact that I’m also the same size as some 2nd & 3rd graders. I literally can’t wrap my head around being the same size as (and, at times smaller than) prepubescent children. I look at them and I don’t see it.

I don’t typically have a “small” attitude/ personality but when I do, it’s an active choice to be more thoughtful of the other person’s feelings and perspectives than my own, slow to speak, and patient. Most days, I consider myself to be a strong person and I work very hard at getting physically stronger, as well as mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

But, there are times I feel small and frail. And, like most people, I typically equate small and frail to defenseless and not very advantageous … Most people step on and over what is small and are quick to try to take advantage of size.

There are the times I have to remind myself that even though I’m small, I’m quite strong and feisty.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned from my infertility is how strong I am and have the potential to be. When I wonder if I am really strong enough to go through more rounds of treatment knowing what I’m getting myself into and what could happen – I know that I can. The only question is whether I want to or not.

I’m grateful for my infertility for many reasons but one is truly for the heartbreaks and soul aches it has caused. Because of it, I’ve learned so much about myself, I’ve realized that I have the potential and ABILITY to do so many different things… And, drives me to do more than I often don’t think I can. And the progress of those pains, efforts, and ultimately successes keep me going.

You learn to manage. And, I’m hoping, that the stronger I get, the less you I myself “managing” and the more I find myself moving on with much more ease and less effort because I’ve gotten stronger. The tough balance for me is between becoming callous and hard towards life and dealing with the emotions and lessons of life as it ebbs and flows with a mature perspective. I like managing because you are dealing with the emotional part but that logical part is there to give “sense” to the situation, it keeps you from jumping off the ledge. And, grows you up.

Obviously, the main thing that keeps me from standing so close to the ledge and gives me the desire to manage so I can go on with life when the craziest of things happen, is the fact that it’s all been planned and laid out for me. And, even when I veer off and cause myself pain, God is still there.

I’m quite sure I’ve posted the one you need video before…. But, I listened to it today and it got to me. I tend to/have to listen to it from a Heavenly Father/daughter perspective…. Listening to it from an Earthy father/daughter perspective kills me simply because I think of Thomas and how he could possibly miss out on such an amazing experience.

I appreciate knowing that no matter the heartaches I go though, no matter how small, fearful, or fearless I think or feel I am or perceived to be – He is there and makes it all better. Even when I’m the one who spilled the milk I’m crying over, He wipes it up with patience, love, and grace. Then, hands me another glass.

… Here’s to a fun sized, small-ish person like myself having everything needed to go through all life with a fierce strength built from managing and dealing with it all…. with a smile. 🙂
Oh! And, to music and quotes. They, too, make my heart beat!

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… another year down

Well, hello there!!!!
It’s been 29 days of complete silence and when I tell you it’s been the busiest 29 days ever, it has been just that if not more! So, I hope you forgive me!

But, to make up for the silence…. here’s a bit of what I’ve been up to.
In pictures (forgive them. MOST (all but two) are iPhone pix!!)!  In no particular order….

… hanging with the hubs!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…. cheer tryouts!

…. celebrating!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

… loving on my students!
(YES! I painted the canvas!!!) I didn’t do End of the Year gifts for my class THIS year but here’s what I gifted my students last year! … I felt really bad about it but life got way too hectic and it became more stressful than fun. (sadface).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
…. diving into deliciousness with my girlfriends!! (I made the caprese salads!! Simple recipe, I know, but just as delicious as they were cute!)

…  getting loved on by my students!

… photographing these lovely faces before prom!

…. sending video messages to my neices (well, just about everyone) …. solidifying perspectives…. and reading…..

{{EJD is my favorite…. I love the creativity, the dramatic story lines, detailed characters, the knowledge, and the fact that I never get bored with the old stories!}}

And, yes…. I’m still working out!
I’m really working to get into the gym about 5-6 times a week… It’s difficult during the school year so I’m hoping to meet that goal during the summer! Hoping to sometimes make it in twice a day!

School year’s over…. so that means the little noise makers will be causing all kinds of wanted and needed ruckus for an entire month and I absolutely cannot wait!  I plan to entertain them with friends, fun activities, and the Kid’s Club at the gym! (I have goals, remember?) It should be a pretty fun summer! Thomas turns 30 in a little over a month, we’re vacationing, and working our tail ends off at the school…. so it’ll be interesting and productive!

…. and, as for you…
THANK YOU so much for reading…. for keeping up with us…. for following our story… for praying…. for talking… hugging…. and, listening. You have been much more than amazing to me and I am eternally grateful for you!! It’s been quite a year. An incredible journey that has more fruitful than I ever expected!!
THANK YOU!

… here’s to another fantastic summer full of growth, excitement, and an obnoxious amount of in your face picture taking, loud singing, terrible dancing, and repetitive reading!!!

 

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… sneak peeks

Our weekends have are always busy and full but it’s just something about the tell tale signs of summer that just make life so much more exciting! LOL.

I LOVE the summer time!!!
Ice cream…

Playdates…

Patios…

Weddings….

Neices….

baseball games….

… the best part – NO WORK!!!
…..Late nights, late mornings! Two -a – days at the gym! Trips!! Layouts at the pool!! Books galore!! Lunch dates!! Cupcakes crawls…. the excitement makes me squirm! lol..

…… and, the sneak peeks we’ve gotten recently have just amped me up for the end of May!!! I can hardly focus at work – all I want to do is be outside!

… here’s to blazing through the last SIX weeks of school and coasting into the summer!

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