31!!

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(sick of my red dress pix yet?)

How are we feeling??!?!?!
 Only really uncomfortable when I’m trying to get to sleep. They can jolt me a bit with their movements…. they’re getting stronger and the space is getting tighter and tighter so it gets pretty interesting to feel them moving around. I enjoy it and trying to figure out what limbs are protruding from my belly! Rubbing my fingers over them and watching them try to get comfy is getting sweeter and sweeter as we get closer to delivery. Which I have no idea when that would be which is a little bit scary. Eek! I know I will miss them so much when they’re “out”…… But, then again…. I know it’s going to be even sweeter playing with them in real life!

What’s going on with the bump?!?!
So far so good! I’m down to weekly appointments – which lets ya know it’s TIME. I’m so excited about seeing them this week and checking in with the doctor. I’m looking forward to getting their car seats installed, washing their clothes, and finishing up their nursery! It’s surreal. Absolutely surreal and this is part of what makes me so stinking emotional. I mean, how in the world do I deserve these two baby girls? Yes, we’ve been through more than I would have liked to for much longer than I would have liked to. But, oh my goodness.

I’m not sold on any specific delivery process. If I had my way I’d have a natural delivery in a whirlpool with low lights, lots of candles, and soft music. lol. I mean, seems like the most peaceful way to come into the world, yea? lol. But, I’ll be delivering in an operating room (so not exciting) and if the girls haven’t repositioned themselves and stay as they were at my last appointment (A: breech, B: vertex), I’ll be having a c-section. Which isn’t so bad because I can make sure my hair and makeup are camera ready. Vain? Possibly, but I’ve waited a looooong time for this and I want to make sure the pictures I’ll be looking at for the rest of my life are amazing. lol.

So, how are you feeling?!
All of the hormonal ups and downs have been completely averted until NOW. And, I’m emotional but I don’t do a whole lot of crying. Not a terrible amount…. I like to think that I can cover most emotional responses with logic and reality. But, it’s never been harder than it is now and it is scary.

Anything else?
Not really. I just trying to get ready in as many ways as I can without stressing myself out too much.

From mommy….
So ready to meet you girls. This is absolutely unreal. I can’t imagine how perfect you’ll be!

– mommy

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… be thankful

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(photos by Temi Coker… find him on Insta @temi.coker)

This past year, specifically, has been so difficult for me. From January til now, it’s been very hard… literally, no ease up.  And, over the past few months I’ve worked to deal with and address (within myself) the effects and feelings of everything that’s happened even though it’s so incredibly difficult for me to do.

I would pray and read and ask God for the strength to persevere, to “be right”, to endure, and to just get whatever it is I should learn from these struggles – even if it’s patience. And, my mind would wander to all of junk that’s happened and I would end up frustrated; not even focused on God.

So, this morning, I woke up committed to just breathing and being grateful in spite of what’s happened. I know that there is so much more to be grateful for aside from and even in the middle of chaos than I’ve allowed myself to see.

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Have you heard of She Reads Truth? It’s a wonderful women’s devo; I follow them on Insta, and have their app. Yes, I’m a total Stan!! I love how they use their little space on this app to encourage and speak truth… how their app is full of devos that refocus you and give you truth (not something that just sounds good) to rest in. This morning their IG posts says:

When we seek Him, we will find Him – His Word says it’s true. And so we give thanks. We cling to Him and to the promise of Him, and we give thanks For although we may feel lost, we know He never loses us. 

No matter what I’ve gone through, God has his eye on me. And, for that I am so incredibly grateful. Oh my God, if there’s anything to be grateful for – it’s that Jesus is within me, that he’s with me. That heartache isn’t for nothing. I’m grateful that He reminds me that the most important things to be grateful for are His promises….. that because of Jesus I have something to be grateful for.

That sounds so stupid. I know. So lofty and spacey, so trite. But, when everything has shaken and the reality sets in that nothing is certain….. all the truth and solidarity you have is that Jesus is with you – you quickly realize how much we take his faithfulness for granted. How we truly DON’T depend on Him for strength, endurance, and peace. How when we pray in difficult moments for patience and then immediately respond impatiently – that we aren’t trusting Him for what He promises He can give us. For what he so graciously offers us.

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I have experienced God being a redeemer.
I have experienced his faithfulness.
I know that He is a comforter & peace.

But, I’d forgotten.
I wasn’t focused.
I was afraid.

But, thankfully, I am reminded of what an amazing Savior He is.

I’m thankful.
Thankful for these girls whose lives I will forever be stilled by. I mean, I wrote back here about how Sarah and Hannah responded so differently to infertility….. I read my words, my truth about how over having my own children I was…. And, I see how this insane story has unfolded and I know that only God allowed me/us to respond to such foolishness, difficulty, hurt, and chaos the way He did. I pray for their lives daily…. pray that they have a heart for Jesus and are committed to “go slow” in trusting God. GO!!!
Thankful that I have family who double as real friends and friends who double as family who are the most supportive and encouraging…. who I can learn from and share so many hilarious and exciting memories with.

There’s always, always, always something to be thankful for……. We have just have to position ourselves to realize it and acknowledge it. Without comparing one thing against another. Without wishing and hoping things were different. Without disconnecting from life and our circumstances. But, showing gratitude for all things in the midst of having everything or having nothing because we know that although this life comes with struggle we have so so much to be grateful for.

And, finally, I am thankful that somehow this post was able to be restored. Idk what I did but I intended to publish this post and it somehow got lost and I broke down in tears.  I was already talking myself through getting over it… But, now, I’m happy and can cook with a peaceful, settled mind! 🙂

Post Jam: Jesus Saves by Jeremy Camp
*** I literally love this song….. hope you enjoy it, too! ***

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the big three….oh

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How are we feeling??!?!?!
Definitely feeling like I’m 30 weeks! lol…. Excited about my weight gain, excited about getting more prep done for the girls, and having the best dreams about the day and first few moments they arrive!!!

The fact that these girls will be here in a matter of weeks, more than likely by the end of the year, is literally thrilling and more exciting than anything I’ve ever looked forward to. I’m especially stoked about the first few weeks/couple of months when your only goals are to teach them to depend on you….. I mean, all that means is cuddling you all day and feeding you when you’re hungry. I may be sleep deprived and hurting but to be able to just sit and cuddle “all day”, to watch them sleep, and watch them grow and do new things is perfect enough for me!

What’s going on with the bump?!?!
The bump is doing just fine! The girls are weighing in at 3.6 lbs. and 3.1 lbs. so we are all very pleased with their growth. Hoping my 3.1 lb-er slows her little self down so she can keep her weight on! Of the two, she weighs the least and has the high heart rate and it’s all because she’s so stinking active!! (And, all of that is determined by her mama, not the doctors! lol. But, when you compare her to her very relaxed sister who is almost hitting 4 lbs with a lower heart rate…. I think it’s obvious what’s going on. And, I want her to chill so she can have a higher birth weight. lol.30w
Contrary to what I thought, there is plenty of room for them to move and flip because that’s exactly what they have done. Baby A was vertex 2 weeks ago, now she’s breech. Baby B was breech, now she’s vertex. So, if Baby A chooses to stay put and not flip one more time – I’ll be having a definite c-section. How do I feel about that? Well, once I found out we were expecting twins, even though I was still very serious about a natural water birth (seriously.), I chose to be very open to the method of my girls’ delivery. What I want is a lot less important than what’s best for the girls. So, if that means a c-section…. a c-section it will be!!!!


So, how are you feeling?!
Greeeaaattttt!!! These kicks to my cervix aren’t comfy at all and the girls movements can be uncomfortable, but aside from the physical……. I’m just grateful. Excited. Y’all……….. I’m having TWO baby girls in a few. This time last year I would have never thought that this is how I would be ending the year. EVER. It literally makes me cry. I’m simply praying that we continue to have an eventless pregnancy and safely make it to 37 weeks. I’m praying that my girls won’t have to spend any time at all in the NICU and that they are as healthy as they can possibly be. And, that they latch on well. And, I produce enough milk for everybody. lol.

Anything else?
Absolutely…… A couple of things.
If you people keep gifting my girls such amazingness, you’ll force me to have to try to keep up with you. Which means we’re going to be in a lot more trouble than I thought!!! Like, how adorable are these hangers? How can you expect me to actually USE these beauties? I promised to hang ONE clothing item on them so that is what I will do… then, they’re framed or hung on the wall. Sorry. hangers then….
I told you guys back here that my friend Christin of ChristinShootsPeople asked me to write our story, our journey through infertility, adoption, and now our pregnancy. And, then she went and published it in her magazine. What. Yes. So, naturally. I bought a couple copies and was stoked about getting a complimentary digital copy.
photo 1-5This edition also has a pretty neat write up from my friend Leah about losing your pregnancy weight in a healthy way! She’s absolutely amazing and also has an e-cookbook and does cooking classes and private events. I’m so grateful to be surrounded by amazing women who are serious about their passions and pursue their dreams… then, dream up more dreams to chase! It’s incredibly inspiring.
Anywho, go here and order your copy!!! You won’t be disappointed!!!!!

From mommy….
well, mama packed on 4 lbs in two weeks so…. ***pats self on back***…… and, we’re slowing down to make sure we don’t over do it!! But, I’m grateful that the doctor’s are pleased with your weight gain and the fact that y’all haven’t tried to make your appearance yet! lol. Stay put, we’re not quite ready for you yet! Still can’t wait to meet you though!!!

– mommy

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