call it experienced…



Is this not just the sweetest fetal position ever? 

So, like any woman who gives birth, one of our concerns is getting our bodies “back”. I’m not obsessive about my body or what I eat by any means but I’d be lying if I said I don’t look in the mirror and think “oh…… gawsh. I won’t ever be the same.”

I know that my girls being in the NICU has me distracted from a lot. Getting my body back being the top of the list. I can’t focus on my body when I’m spending my days with my girls – they’re more important than anything.

But, this morning, I got a bit of perspective that I appreciate more than life.

This morning, I was getting dressed in front of the mirror and I see all of the stretch marks that grace my sides and surround my belly button. While I was pregnant I didn’t mind because my belly was full and the stretch marks didn’t seem so bad. But now that there are no babies filling me, everything is much looser and kinda deflated. So, my marks seem more pronounced.

I literally said, “My body is ruined.”
Then, my very next thought was, “No, honey… it’s experienced.

I have had the glorious opportunity to experience a pregnancy… a pregnancy unassisted by medicine, one that wasn’t accompanied by the stress of “getting pregnant”, one that completely a surprise. Something that I didn’t think would ever happen. I’ve had to go through fertility treatments, I’ve had to deal with the disappointment of failed attempts month after month and it was devastating.

I had the opportunity to carry twins… to experience them grow… to feel them kick and squirm… to watch them breathe, hiccup, yawn, and move.

This pregnancy has allowed me to experience motherhood. Looking at my girls everyday reminds of how blessed we are, how faithful our God is, and how sweet life can be.

This pregnancy was something I thought I would ever experience and if it caused me to have a few stretch marks – so be it.

My body may or may not return to it’s pre-pregnancy size…. I don’t know how long my little pooch will be. But, it’s alright. It truly is okay. Would I like for my mid section to be nice and tight? To be flat? To not show that life even existed inside of me before? I don’t know.

What I do know is that there’s no need to rush the process of getting back into shape…. especially after carrying two! There’s no need to stress and add even more (self-induced) pressure. We’ll get there. I mean between my incredibly high blood pressure and waiting for my milk to come in, worrying about my body isn’t going to help anything.

As new moms, we are bombarded with so many images and perspectives that tell us what we should look like after having our children. Yes, I think it’s stinking awesome that many of my friends have amazing bounce back a month or two after having their babies. But, that isn’t everyone’s story for whatever reason. Obviously, the more children you carry, the more difficult it could be to come back. I’d encourage every new mama, including myself, to focus on being healthy first. Caring for yourself first. And, giving yourself time to heal, recover, and lose however much weight you gained over the last 8-10 months. Time. It’s alright to look like you had a baby/babies – you did!

Love yourself. Love your experience. Love the time it takes and don’t rush yourself. And, remind me to do the same! And, when we do get the all clear to work out – let’s be gentle with ourselves. Eating well is the first step in getting pre pregnancy self back…. so we can start that NOW. Can we start there? Together? Postpartum or not…….. you in? 🙂


… and, so it begins

Long hiatus’ from blogging often leave me speechless. I get so busy with life and “stuff” that I never get a chance to sit down and “talk”….. then, it’s as if I have nothing to talk about.

A few things have been on my mind – one thought leads to another and here we are in their very much watered down versions.

The end of the year always brings us to a place where we reflect upon what’s happened, what we liked, what we didn’t like, and what we want to change.

At the end of last year, I began working out and continued to do so throughout this year. Very proud becauseI was not one that was very fond of the gym. It’s now become a part of my life… I enjoy it and definitely see how regular visits promote a healthy mental state as well as physical state. Now, that I’ve got that under my belt; this year, I really want to work on my eating habits. Although, we eat pretty healthy, we do a lot of eating out. Truthfully, that’s all we do. Yes, everyday, every meal. I’ve really had to (random) urge to cook lately so I’m hoping that over the next few weeks I’ll really get into the kitchen and start preparing healthier meals. That is resolution #1.

New Year’s Resolution #2:
Focus more on relationships.
We, as normal people, tend to be so focused and driven by what we see – the things we want, the things we don’t have, the future, etc. THINGS. Things that have no eternal value, at all. So, this year… starting NOW…. I want to be much more intentional about spending time and building/solidifying relationships with people who are important to me.

Here’s to resolving to make life changes in an effort to be a much better steward over what I’ve been given!

Ooooooh….. and, I’ll be turning 30 in exactly 43 days. I want to do a 30 in 30 type challenge but I’m kinda at a loss!! Any suggestions would be GREAT!!!!

…. here’s to life!


… must. focus.

I have to say that I’m quite proud of myself for sticking with working out this long…… and for me, 5 months of working out consistently is a great feat. For the past couple of weeks, I have only been able to work out once a week during the work week and then the weekends come and I’m so exhausted from Monday – Friday that I couldn’t imagine exerting energy to do anything else.


The summer commeth and I am tooo thrilled because I plan on hitting the gym SO! hard it is ridiculous. I am a bit disappointed because although I can tell I’m getting stronger and have lost a good percentage of body fat, I don’t see the muscle mass I’d like to see. Which means MORE weight on the bar and getting back to organizing my schedule in a way that allows me to hit the gym more often!

One thing I KNOW we must do is continue to work on our eating habits. We’ll do well for a little bit then fall off for a little bit. It’s our little cycle that we’ve got to stop. Another exciting aspect of summer is that we have so much more time to cook!! I love to try new recipes over the summer because I actually have time to find a recipe I want to try, mentally prepare, grocery shop, then prepare the meal. It’s a big deal. I’m not a very good “throw it together” kind of cook. That’s Thomas’ arena! Me, I’m a cook book/app gather all of the recipes, measuring spoons/cups, and everything you’ll need to cook with and cook everything one at a time- althought I’m getting better – kinda gal. I’m telling you it’s a process so when I have TIME….

Soooo…. all of this to say, I have two goals…
Goal #1: hit the gym incredibly hard over the next few weeks!
Goal #2: healthy eating, snacking, and healthIER cheating!

I’ll keep you up to speed on my progress!!!!
…. and for accountabilities sake, I am going to gym tomorrow and increasing my weight!!!

…. here’s to heavier commitment and increased muscle mass!!!!