… park days

A bit of play time and hanging out at the park tonight…. Nothing major, just the kid, the hubs, and I. 
3I never want to forget how she holds snacks in both hands, how she bounces to music when she sits on her knees, how she claps and “rolls them up” when we sing Patty Cake. I’m waiting for the day she signs “eat” as I’ve been modeling like a maniac for about a week.

2At c4c, a friend of my friend shared a word with me that God laid on her heart for me. It was believe. For the past couple of days, one sweet adoptive mama friend of mine has repeated that word to me over and over again, not even knowing about the c4c experience. I just realized that I struggle with believing. Believing certain things about myself, believing other’s views/feelings towards me, believing that good things will happen.  Praying for belief, for TRUST.

funnyFunniest story, Drew sharing her goldfish with me without quite sharing them. It literally made us laugh out loud which caused her to keep “sharing” which made us laugh harder.

kissesSo thankful for the opportunity to receive goodness from women who truly love God, women who are supportive and kind and true friends. 

Thankful for the opportunity to care for this sweet girl. She’s a pure delight, a bigger blessing than I ever imagined.
I love and am humbled by the mirror placed in front of me when leading and growing this little girl. How I am reminded and encouraged to show patience and grace because God, my father, shows unending and unwavering patience, grace, and forgiveness for me daily. Positions me to be even more thankful to be loved so well when I don’t deserve an ounce of it on my best days by our God.benchBig day tomorrow, court in the morning. Praying that the system will work, that the truth will outweigh the lies, that light will drive out darkness. That I will remain sane and strong. Praying to God to believe all of things things will happen.

blurryThankful for the opportunity to trust God in a new way, to experience his love, comfort, and grace in these very difficult moments.

Thankful for the solidarity of my friends and family, my adoptive mama community. Y’all are more than amazing.

Post jam: so many of y’all said Rend Collective was preeety legit so I’m listening to them now. So far, so good. No favorites yet, but I’m enjoying their music. Lighthouse popped up first, so that’s what’s playing now!


… little grasshopper

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You know what I find hilarious (besides the fact that I’m accepting that I cannot scroll up or down on Thomas’ Mac mousepad? … I’ve tried consistently, I can’t do it. :()

…. all of the things you think you will or won’t do when you have kids.

I do NOT like matching the girls. I feel that they should wear their own outfits, be their own persons, and communicate their own style. Complimenting in terms of pictures – yes. Matching – no. We’re shooting our Give1Save1 video tomorrow and I fought the temptation to style them in matching colors/concepts. SMH. Now, I’m considering what I should wear and if Thomas and I should compliment them.

I think that’s too much and that we should just be “us” without forcing anything but man is the temptation to look “perfect” a struggle.

As you can see, Aliya and I wore matching jeans today.
Her request.
And, I balanced a line today. My auto response was “Absolutely!” Then, I thought, “… But, we’ll be matching…” (Again, I hate matchy, matchy.)

But, there we are, pictured above, in all of our matchy jeans glory. And, I enjoyed it. Very much like how I enjoy her trying to style her hair like mine.
(Makes my heart go pity pat!)

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When I have the girls my focus is very much what they look like. I would hate, hate, hate for them to look disheveled or unkept while they’re with me. So, naturally, I semi-panicked (on the inside) about the fact that they had one SPOT of polish on their hands and that Ari’s curls didn’t fall exactly how I wanted them to and I may have felt some sort of way when she looked in the mirror and said her bow made her look like a clown.

Me: A clown? mmmmmmmmmm-kay. Not really but do you like your hair?
Me: ??? Oh.. okay! *** CONFUSED!!!!****

But really…….
Who cares if we match, or don’t match. Who cares if they have perfectly polished nails and toes. Who cares if they’ve lost a bow or aren’t wearing their nicest outfits to church every Sunday.

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As much as I am a believer and an advocate of presenting yourself well, I also want to teach that what you look like isn’t nearly as important as who you are.
And, that they aren’t synonymous. And, that the value placed on both of these entities are communicated in the most suttle ways.

I hope I remember that later on.

That walking out of the house and into the world looking picture perfect with my perfectly matched and accessorized baby isn’t nearly as important as how I treat others around me.

I hope I remember that a peaceful, patient mama is more valuable than a well put together, irritable mama ….

I hope I remember how easily these things are forgotten in the exhaustion and hubbub of the day. I’m sure I’ll put pressure on myself to “get it”…..  to do everything right….. to feel and be capable and efficient….. to look the part of a “successful” mama in whatever ways successful means to me, that I could lose sight of what ought to be my goal and end up being a cantankerous, drippy faucet type wife and mama. And, I will end up sending my husband to the corner of the roof. (Proverbs 25:24; 27:15 )

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I try to remember that my responses aren’t ever about me…. that I am an example of my Father to the world – unbelievers of all ages and believers in various stages of their journey.

That we effect each other. We can encourage and inspire or we can derail and offend.

 We aren’t perfect in any sense of the word, we all can have behavior outbursts (remember my most recent “expression” here?) but the most important thing is:

what do we do when we’re done?

photo 5What I have learned is that our moments aren’t ours alone but that we are just extensions of each other. We affect each other in ways that we may never see or can imagine.

We are here to help, encourage, support, guide, lean on, depend, entertain, uplift, and care for each other. With our words and actions. No matter how we’re feeling.

That is what I’m finding is most important and the most challenging.
Treating others with kindness no matter how I feel.

… here’s to beginning our days with prayer and devotion. to set our minds on the only One whose power and grace we depend on to become more and more like Him. 🙂