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goodbye, summer!

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Oh the sky will be blue
And you guys’ll be there too
When I finally do what frozen things do
In summer!
– Olaf

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When the girls and summer leave right about the same time, always a bitter sweet time. We spent our days lounging, watching lots of Frozen, painting, cooking, swimming, playing, and baby watching.

One thing that warms my heart so much as an aunt and a mama to be is how loved our little people are by their cousins. Aliya and Ari are so excited about their new cousins coming. They loved to watch them on ultrasounds and talked about them so much! Aliya is so protective – telling her sister “No, you can’t have any of Alaina’s food… She needs to eat! She’s pregnant!” when her sister is asking for bites of whatever I’m eating. Ari loves to give them hugs and tells them “Hi, babies!” all the time. If I was lying down, she would lie next to me with her head near/on my belly!

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Summer days and nights with these girls house the best memories, the deepest laughs, and the best hugs and snuggles.
I definitely learn to manage my time a bit better, let the less important tasks and to do’s wait a bit until the games are over, bellies are fed, hands are washed, and snuggles are done.
Even though the help with vacuuming and dusting was fun time spent together, it was important to be to also spend time doing things they enjoyed even if I thought it was boring. I want them to know that what they wanted to do was just as important as the cleaning. I listened to their stories, their jokes, their songs, and watched their dance moves because I want them to know that they’re worth listening to and watching. That they’re worth my attention.
I performed the same yoga sequences over and over again because I knew that they wanted to do the same things I was doing. And, I wanted them to see that they can do what seems hard with practice.

Every summer they teach me more and more and more.
More about patience. More about myself and the heart of what what I long for deep within myself.
Love. Acceptance. Patience. Time. Faith. Encouragement.
And, the confidence that comes with knowing you’ve got people on your side.

Every summer gets better….. When we do things that families do in summer!
Holler.

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… why not?

2012.

Another year has come and gone. At the speed of light. Some parts seemed to drag on forever. Others seemed to fly by right before my eyes. There were moments I wished I could put on pause just for a little while so that that exact instant could be savored just a little longer.
To think that this year is ENDING is insanity to me… so many milestones and events have been reminsced upon…. lots of “I remember this day a few years ago, I was doing this….”, “last year….”, and sitting with friends playing back videos and videos of memories just make us feel so much older – along with discussing politics and the state of this broken down educational system. It’s crazy.

There have been moments this year when I thought, “Oh, it would be cool if…” and “What if…” or people have come to me and said “You should….” or “Will you?” and a “I’d love for you to….” and every single time, I turn down offers and dismiss acknowledgement or possibilities out of fear.
For those of you who know me, I’m incredibly structured. INCREDIBLY structured. I love a plan. A calendar. A consistency to life that I can depend on. Taking risks doesn’t necessarily fit in a plan! I hate failing. I hate not doing well but at the same time, I love the opportunity to grow. I’m never satisfied with what is, I always want to do better. And, better. And, better. (And, yes….. I struggle with contentment for the very same reason. It’s a gift and a curse!)

Although I love plans, I’m not big on resolutions. So, I’m not making any.
What I am doing is creating a life change. A change in thought. A change in how I do things. A shift in the motivation behind every action.

For me, 2012 will be the year of “WHY NOT?” The start of something different in me that literally has already begun to change my behavior.

I’m determined to live a healthier life. I began back in November (I believe) looking for a  trainer. I WILL take care better care of myself. In my mind, there is no reason for me to be flabby and “loose”. Age is not an excuse. Things with trainers didn’t quite work out so I joined a gym. Signed up for a trainer. And, have already been to an amazing class and set sessions with A, my trainer.

I’m working dilligently on three things this upcoming year. My mantra – WHY NOT?
Item numero uno – a healthy body.
*** Why not work out two or three times a week? (tired? hungry? busy? – all of which can be handled prior to a scheduled work out if I planned and disciplined myself.)
*** Why not work hard to look my very best in everything I wear, all the time? (5 lbs won’t matter… your arms don’t jiggle THAT much… who really has super flat abs and well defined arms/legs anyway? – 5 lbs of FAT matter and a little jiggle is too much… and I can have sculpted arms/legs and no over flap when I button my jeans…)
*** Why not go the gym when I have “nothing” to do rather than catch up on Kardashian episodes? (I’m tired & had a long work week… everyone needs to rest…. the gym will be there tomorrow… – working out gives you energy, I can rest when I go to sleep at a decent hour so I can get every minute of my very much needed 8 hrs of sleep….. and, YES! the gym will be there tomorrow & this I know bc I’ll be there then, too…)

Without hard work. Without self discipline. Without motivation. You get nowhere. I’m going to have to push MYSELF. Sacrifice. Focus. And, keep at the very front of my mind WHY I am doing what I’m doing. In all areas of my life.
I believe if I can change my thought process. If I can discipline my mind – I can do whatever I want. WHY NOT? won’t allow me to retreat in fear. Or be lazy. It will push me to challenge myself and go further than I’d like to go. And, who knows, what could happen.

WHY NOT? look like this?

AND NO… It’s not about being skinny. I’m already skinny. It’s about a disciplined mind. A healthy body. Looking my best. Feeling emotionally and physically well. It’s about not settling. It’s about reaching goals and challenging myself. It’s about doing the very best with what I was given – being a good steward of what I’ve been given. because, why the heck not?! what’s the WORST that can happen? I look great in sundress?! I’ll take my chances.

Here’s my motivation. The pictures in my phone. My screensavers. My WHY NOT.

Here’s to WHY NOT kicking my butt…. pushing me further than I want to go…. Pissing my off…. requiring me to reach my goals and accomplish great things…. the catalyst that will open doors of opportunity & create a new confidence that won’t allow me to be defeated. What do I have to lose? WHY the heck NOT?!

 

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