… stuck

Grrr, you guys… these past two weeks have been a bit    s l o w.

I’m not sure of what to say or where to really go next….. For some reason, I’m nervous about sharing. There have been times when I’ve been a little gun shy but even in those times there was nothing inside of me that urged me to keep quiet.

However,
I feel that way now.

I have a few thoughts that I believe are pointing me to the truths about who I am, but honestly I don’t want to go to that space with myself, alone. It’s not always easy to be transparent – even with yourself- because it forces you to deal with your junk. Right now, light is shining quite brightly on my junk. All of it.

It’s funny how situations and circumstances show you a part of yourself that you feel has been dealt with…. or, you’re brought back to a place you thought you matured in.

Flesh and spirit.

Spiritual warfare going on within your own mind/soul is frustrating. It’s hard.

Yes, it’s a constant warring within yourself, but I don’t ever remember battling something that was so inconspicuous. Even to my own eye.

I know that it’s not “me” who will conquer my sinfulness – my selfish responses, my outbursts of anger, or my impatience. I can’t make myself  forgive in the same ways God does – I have to depend on God for the ability to do that, it goes directly against my nature.

My prayer is that while I struggle to give everything to God, I will constantly be reminded of why I even have the opportunity to go to God in the first place. The sins of another I’m struggling to forgive are no bigger than my own sins that were forgiven when Christ died because of me. For me.

My soul gets it. My want my flesh to grasp it, as well.
(Realizing that my flesh will never “get” it. Nor does it want to.)

I’m reading, loving, and being convicted by Romans 8.
I love that Christ is our advocate, our burden bearer, and one who our freedom rests in. I love that He gives us a new way of life… how He gives us a more peaceful way to live & the encouragement and strength to live such a life in Him.

This adoption process brings so much out of you – I am aggravated by it while needing & desiring the sifting process at the same time.

Less flesh, more spirit.
Less me, more Christ.
More faith.
Less resentment and anger, more forgiveness and grace.
More grace. More grace. More grace.

As I move out of this … place, I want to definitely send out loads and looooads of thank yous and hugs.Your support and love has been insane & I appreciate it more than you know.

Trust that we are fine. That things are falling into place. Hopefully, I’ll be more comfortable with sharing exactly how these little puzzle pieces are fitting together soon. 🙂

… here’s to the anchor, strong and secure.

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… my hope

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Yes. I. Did.
And, I love it.

Every time I look at my wrist, I smile & my heart stirs a little.

20140113-161927.jpg This little, dime size tattoo means the entire world to me and I am so proud of my “baby ancho r”!
{Even though it’s tiny; it packs a punch!}

Hebrews 6:19 says that “we have this hope as an anchor for our soul, strong and secure.”
We have hope in our salvation. In Christ’s return. In His acknowledgement of our love shown to God in how we relate to each other.

This little anchor symbolizes hope and faith.
In God’s promises. In who He is. In His word.

I can’t help but smile.
(I sent this picture to my brother (who has a ton of tattoos, & he says “you can barely see it!” …… I’m guessing in order to be fully accepted into the community, you must have large tattoos??? LMBO!)

20140113-163215.jpgI smile at the promises I’ve been given, the anyway love that will endure forever. I smile & think of who our God is. I’m instantly humbled at His great love; that he would promise such great things to me knowing I would constantly fail Him. Humbled at the love and grace he mercifully pours out onto us.
I smile confidently because no matter what happens in this life, I know that my soul is secure and his promises are true. No matter how heavy my cross becomes or how I mess up, God is with me. And, how much do things really matter in comparison to that truth?

My sweet anchor is a constant reminder of the grace of God. His very own peace he offers us and the love he has for us.
This little thing means the world to me.
{and, yes I had about 5 friends with me….. There was lots of picture and taking and video recording going on! “Hoopla for a tiny tattoo that won’t take 5 minutes!!” Yup. 🙂

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Yes. I have a nose piecing, too! …. That I also got at the very same place I was tattooed!

…. here’s to my 31st year!

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… the anchor

20130824-225026.jpg I love this.

God promises Abraham descendants who will be great and powerful. He swore by His own name. Knowing that He couldn’t lie. Then, used this as an example that gives us the encouragement to hope.

And, THAT hope – the hope that we will receive what God has promised us is what keeps us from wandering and from giving up before His words have become true.

It’s tough to wait. But, I’m so grateful that my hope has tethered me, has anchored me to The Lord. An anchor that cannot be taken up or loosened by the waves and stormy seas.

When I feel as if I’m beginning to sink or as if I’m losing the battle of the waves – I can see that The Lord’s promises do come to fruition.

I see that there’s no need to doubt God because of the circumstances and they’re effect on my emotions. I guard my heart and guide it to my God instead of allowing it to dictate my decisions.

I choose to trust God. I choose to wait on Him. I choose to keep looking towards the future.

Because “today” isn’t always a good indicator of what’s in store for tomorrow.

… here’s to hope.

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