so precious

Hey y’all!!

The concept of worthiness and value has been one lesson that has needed to be learned but one that I could never seem to grasp- until now. I wanted to share my thoughts with you about how I came to finally get it and the impact this has made on my relationships and how I mother my girls. Hope you enjoy it and glean something good from it!

When I look at my daughters, so many words come to mind that describe them. They are all very caring, strong willed, and love to have fun. (The makings of great leaders!) I can go on for days describing their character and personalities; I love them so much and want them to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are loved, celebrated, and capable of doing anything they want to!

But, most of all, I want them to know that they are precious. Literally meaning that they have great value and aren’t to be wasted or treated carelessly. They must know that they have value and therefore are valuable. Not only because they are a person, but specifically, a child of God.

You guys have been around a really long time; so many of you have been right along side of me during my years of infertility, fertility treatments, adoption, marriage ups and downs, divorce, and now single parenthood. Woven through each of those seasons of life has been leaps and bounds of personal growth and major spiritual maturation….. you’ve also seen how over the last few years I’ve built a business that has sustained us financially and on the surface is about supplements to address physical and emotional health issues so that we are healthy head to toe. It does that.

But, equally important, building a business in the way that I am, has required me to grow and develop a skill set, discipline, and a mindset that I didn’t have before.

Through the leadership development and the personal growth I’ve experienced, I finally grasped a concept and truth that I didn’t have.

I am valuable. Precious. Worthy.

Honestly and to many GOOD relationships gone awfully bad and AWFUL relationships held onto for dear life (bc I’m no quitter! Lol); heartache, books read and deep chats with friends, and a few years of weekly counseling sessions later, I have learned that I am, by their very definitions, worthy, valuable, and precious.

To God, first.

To myself, second.

Understanding who I am in Christ, I can readily see & stand in my value and worth……. then, walk, live, speak, and engage with the world around me with a solid foundational knowledge of who I am and why.

The personal growth I’ve experienced over the last few years is invaluable to me because now I have even more to pass down to my own daughters. One of my prayers when I first found out I was expecting was that my children would see in me a woman who could add value and contribute to their life in many ways. And, I’ll add to that….. the wisdom and information I would share would be spoken out of a place of confidence, healing, bravery, vulnerability, & maturity versus fear, insecurity, scarcity, or inadequacy.

Learning this lesson at 36 means that I, sadly, wasn’t taught my value.

There was no positive self image or deeply rooted belief that I was “somebody” instilled in me as a little girl.

I had NO CLUE that I deserved the good things my heart desired, no clue that I could achieve (or even set) big goals. No idea that I could not only experience a love or deep care/concern that would lead me to be prioritized, protected, & sacrificed for….. but that I had those things to give to others. That “AHA!” moment alone has made me a better mama & leader. I have something of value to share with others that they not only need, but want!

I saw others received those things and I always wondered, “What do I need to do in order to get that?” Love, acceptance,a feeling of belonging and being wanted was something I craved but I never felt I had it or could have, but when it was offered to me……. I had no idea what to do with it.

The answer I learned is that in order to be valued, there was nothing to do but recognize that I am valuable period. Without achievements, beauty, a specific skill set, or creativity level. I am because that’s how I was created. Praise. The. Lord. But I struggled with that truth; it hardly makes sense to me and let me explain why.

Have you heard of the Enneagram? It’s a very OLD and ancient personality profile that is very popular right now and I’m completely obsessed with it. I’ve read one book (suggested by my friend in my company), and am in the process of reading another (and stalking enneagram focused Insta profiles) because I am completely obsessed with how accurate these 9 profiles are and how I can see so many people in them. I am an Enneagram 3, to my core. (I’ve linked the books I’ve read if you’re curious! …. you’ve got to check this out.

And, as an 3, we hustle. I am a hustler. I would literally work myself to the bone to earn the acceptance of love for others. As a three, we feel “okay” and safe, valuable by our successes, appearance, achievements, and others’ responses to us. Failure is not an option because if I fail (in any way) ……… what will you think of me? Yikes.

The truth?

I don’t have to preform well to experience acceptance, love, and trust. Achieving doesn’t make me valuable. Achievement is just one form of success. And, that’s fleeting. There’s always something else to earn, another goal to hit, and another something to shoot for …….. but really grasping that “I am who I am because of who created me therefore it is never changing because He never changes” has freed me from the hustle of perfection and the work to “earn” what I already have.

It, also, opens my eyes to those who do value me and those who don’t. My heart is guarded in a new way that allows me to “go where I’m loved”, where I’m valued and makes it so much easier to walk away from who doesn’t. Without excusing behavior or hustling.

What a world changing lesson.

No more hustling for worth.

No more working to earn (anything but more trips and incentives! Lol).

No more searching in others what I already have.

Now.

As a mama to three little girls, I have one of the most amazing gifts to pass onto them.

Value.

Self love.

Self respect.

Esteem.

And, worthiness.

All rooted in Christ Jesus for his glory.

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pressing forward

“Make the best of it.”

A gritty, mind-over-matter belief that has been the underlying tone of the past few years. That and having a hope that sees and believes that what I’m working for, working on, and working through will benefit others, my children, and myself.

Sometimes it frustrating to have this hope that won’t die and a spirit that can and does endure hard things. So, I’ve learned to make the best of it. Whatever “it” is. And, “best” looks different on a different days.

One part of pressing forward means seeing situations with a different perspective and in a new way.

And, it sucks. It can be so very hard, it takes some real emotional maturity and fortitude to accept facts of a hard reality.

But…. it gets so good, sister. It can get so stinking good & worth the crap when we are able to develop through hard times.

One of the things I’ve had to see in a new way and redefine is the idea of a family. My picture of a family has always been parents and a child/children. So even when my ex and I were married with no children, I saw us as a couple. When we had kids, we became a family. When we split and I became a single mama ……. I didn’t know what we were. Just a woman with some kids??

I had to redefine every aspect of life and my expectations of myself, my ex and what the future could look like. The transitions were so tough and I crumbled (or felt like I did) many, many times. but if there was one thing the Lord taught me during that time was that I can get through hard things. And, better than that …. I can thrive and laugh…. my hope & strength can be restored and all things really can be made new.

You may have needed or even still be needing some really BIG things to turn around. And, if you’re like me, you may not even see and recognize how the restoration of the little things cause the BIG things to change.

The Lord began restoring my mindset. He renewed how I saw myself & my children. He restored hope in what could be and renewed my trust in Him. And, does it everyday.

Maybe you have big goals and big dreams for your business…….. focusing on the basic, small tasks could be one of many ways things can begin to move the direction you’re desiring them to go. Redefining the word “hard” and “scary” to “challenging” and “exciting” totally shift your outlook. I may not want to do something scary, but I’m always up for something exciting!

Am I suggesting you pump yourself full of falsehoods to make yourself feel good for a moment? No. I’m suggesting you scoot over a bit and see the situation from a different perspective.

We’ve all received a gift we didn’t initially think was very cool or exciting. Until we flipped it over. Or started playing with it. And, understood what it did. Once we got an understanding & a different perspective, that information completely changed how we saw the gift.

Same thing.

We may be in the thick of something we don’t quite understand. We may be looking at a person or circumstances unsure of how all of this works or the benefit of this trait or “that” happening………… but instead of trashing it. Instead of quitting. Instead of becoming frustrated in the process, we may need to ask the Lord to allow us to see it with fresh eyes and a new understanding.

We’ll be able to make the best of anything with a Godly perspective and a willingness to be open to what he’s asking us to do while he’s working it all out for our good, but most important his glory.

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…. 2nd half

I turned 36 yesterday.

Officially in the second half of my thirties and I’m committed to continuing to walk, crawl, claw, cry, & run in the complete opposite direction of the first half. Those years were awful. but, even in their awfulness they were purposeful………. and, I’m honestly hoping that their purpose was to set the foundation for the most productive & healthy rest of my life.

Because I seriously cannot, okay?

Generally I have these grand plans for my birthday…. lots of meals and drinks and gathering and socializing that really ends up depleting me and stressing me out. I opted out this year, and ended up feeling more seen, loved, supported, encouraged, & full than I have in a very, very long time. for that, I am thankful. And, I cried. Which I hardly ever do these days……. and that is a whole post & visit with the therapist within itself.

As providence would have it, my birthday landed on my company’s largest training day of the year. Dylan, my team, and I hopped on the road and spent a day and a half with a ton of other friends from our team. I literally spent my birthday with friends. who surprised me with a cake. bought me dinner & drinks. gifts. & Rosé. It was nice & I was (still am) so grateful.

Between my big girls singing me “Happy birthday Rhyann & Logan” & giving me their biggest hugs before they left on Friday.

And Baby Sister being the perfect bring along to a work event, I’m definitely winning in the kid department.

I’m satisfied with how my spiritual life is developing.

How eye am becoming more & more of who I want to be. Clawing some days, laughing some, inching others towards progress, but we are definitely moving in a direction that is exciting. Not always fun, but exciting.

I hope. I’m praying so. Faithfully believing and working like we’re headed somewhere beyond our requests and imaginations.

What has gone through my mind is how thoughtful the Lord is to give us another chance to experience goodness after traumas and pains. He is faithful see the plan of good + prosperity to the end. And, lovingly kind to lead us away from what is old & dead to what is full & new. I’m also pretty thankful for second chances and enough awareness to recognize change is necessary & enough sense to do something about it.

The 36th year may not end perfectly but I’m committing everyday to the Lord so I know without a shadow of a doubt it will be good.

the one thing I do plan on being is happy & accomplished.

And, I’m listening to Mercy on repeat. Do yourself a favor and listen intently to the lyrics. But, prepare your heart to be filled with hope & gratitude to overflowing first. I cried hot, flowing tears listening to it Friday. It’s a good one.

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