… January!!

This month has  f l o w n by so quickly, it seems unreal!

I celebrated my 35th birthday and it was incredibly fun!! I was surrounded & celebrated by so many friends and family…. it literally made my day so special!! I actually had the girls with me most of the weekend which was special, too!! 

…. even snapped a few pictures with my friend, Monica, to celebrate!

…. big sisters are doing so well!! Three so far hasn’t been the nightmare I expected, even though we are working a lot harder on listening and obeying!! They’re good, sweet kids and I literally love spending time with them!! They’re getting so stinking big, talking so much, and are exploding with personality!! They love dressing up, especially Logan, and reinacting Frozen scenes! Not only do they reinact along with the movie, but they will play scenes out randomly throughout the day!! Pure entertainment!! 

This weekend, I took one side of their crib off and upgraded their cribs to little tot beds! They love them and have been doing a fairly good job sleeping in them! Rhyann had gotten out of the habit of staying in her room over the past couple of weeks, but Logan is a champ at staying in bed. It’s been a sweet transition, so I hope that little change is one of many that will move them mentally from “babies” to “big girls”.

So far, the pregnancy has gone incredibly well! I’ve eased my way into the 2nd trimester and almost halfway to meeting this sweet girl! She’s moving around quite a bit and thankfully growing stronger and larger each week, so I’m able to feel more of her activity!! …… and, nope. Haven’t bought a thing and haven’t begun planning a shower. Not sure if this is a subsequent child type thing or what, but I’m seriously NOT motivated but am starting to think a bit more about both of those things. Not stressed this go round, because I know it will all come together!! Lol. I’m still feeling absolutely fantastic and not pregnant at all!! Aside from getting winded much easier and wanting fries, nothing seems to be much different! Still taking my suppies daily which I know has had a huge impact on my heath and wellness this time! I truly wish they were a part of my regiment with the twins pregnancies. I’m not nearly as exhausted, moody, stopped up, swollen, and in pain as I was before. Thank God!! It’s making this experience so much more enjoyable & I’m grateful! I crave water and fruit (and, again, fries) so my weight gain has been steady…. although I only gained about 35 pounds when the girls, I’m curious as to how much I’ll gain this time. So far, only about 7-10 lbs which is perfectly fine for me! 


I had an opportunity to sit down with a sweet new friend and chat a bit about my experiences with emotional + mental wellness which was so much fun!!! Talked a bit  about my wellness-life during my pregnancy and divorce and how counseling afterwards has been such a blessing for me! Learning how to deal with emotions, find & live in peace, and just plain old heal from various kinds of traumas and life happenings has been life transforming for me in so many ways! If you’re struggling with anything, no matter how small or deep rooted you think it is…. I’d absolutely encourage you to find someone to talk with!  

 Overall, things have been going well and I’m looking forward to every single day I get to be a mama and do things that matter! There is nothing more inspiring than to see that the work you do is making an impact in the lives of others…. nothing more empowering than the tangible support, encouragement, praise, & recognition of  your work and efforts…. nothing like being surrounded by people who love you and have your back! Those things alone make each day valuable, enjoyable, and abundant. There is nothing more peaceful than knowing that the Lord has placed you in a certain place that has opened your eyes to a life you could have missed.  One of such deep personal growth that has a direct hand in developing you into the person you’ve always knew you could be but didn’t know how you would get there. 

Today, our sermon at church was titled “A Change of Plans” and I had tears rolling down my face because so many things have not gone the way I dreamed they would, or even wake up thinking they would go….. but to know that the Lord is with me in my circumstances and that he uses those very things to bring himself glory and give me beauty in place of ashes and a reason to rejoice is worth it! That phrase: a hope and a future ring out so clearly to me. Reading the word and seeing again and again how the Lord promises to go with us, to protect and guide us is enough. Trusting that he vindicates and makes all things right, that he hides us until just the right moment. That he is concerned about our deepest cares and comforts us is empowering within itself. So thankful for those lessons I’ve learned while walking though the “plot twists” of life. 
So, because I know the questions are burning: …….. yes. I drive a mini-van. And, it’s awesome. The best thing since ultrasounds. And, yes the baby has a name! Yay! And, yes. Again. Those are my favorite boots!!

Can I also say that after a twin pregnancy (that is automatically high risk) and being able to see my girls EVERY time I went to the doctor, just hearing a heartbeat through a Doppler doesn’t make for nearly as exiciting appointments. But, I’m always thankful to hear a strong heartbeat! Just saying I’d also like to SEE the kid, too! Lol. 

So excited about February…. I love Valentine’s Day so it’s always a pretty fun month for me. Absolutely planning to raid the Dollar Bins at Target because they have the best Valentine’s Day nonsense and I need it all. The banners. The socks. The plates and cups. The dish towels and everything pink, red, and white!! Lol. 

Do you guys go all out? Do you get your kiddos gifts? What are all the things?? Last year, the girls and I went with my sister in law and her girls for a Valentine’s Day dinner (at Chiptole.. kid friendly. Hello!!) for cupcakes! It was so sweet! I loved it and I’m pretty sure we decided it would be our thing. 

Hope you guys had an awesome first month of the year!! If you’re starting again in February.. there’s no shame in that! Focus on your health and wellness, building a solid second/third stream of income, committing to save + tithe… plan those trips, buy the bag, do the things you are being pressed to do! It’s not an accident, trust God and GO!

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…. a word for the new year 

For the past few years, I’ve begun the new year with a word. A word that made me pause, one that meant a lot…. but I honestly couldn’t tell you what those words were at this point. And, I think that’s okay. One, because I have a horrible memory, but also because even if I don’t remember the exact word their purpose has always been felt throughout the year & they stick. This year….. I don’t have a word. I have a phrase. One that was prayed over my church during Watch Night service that causes streams of tears to roll down my face because I get it. I feel their intensity, remember how those words sounded during that prayer. Because I consider the love, grace, forgiveness, and mercy that had to overflow from the Lord as he spoke them over a people who had been through so much devastation. 

That phrase is: a hope and a future.

The last quarter of 2017 was rough for me for many reasons, but it ended with gratitude and so much anticipation for what the Lord was and is doing in my life. I felt unworthy, I felt as if I’d ruined my future & sold myself short……… I felt as if I was 3 bench presses away from ending my superset and literally had nothing left to give while more weight was being added to the bar with the expectations of finishing it out with the same energy, ability, and ease as if I’d just begun….. while looking at my trainer look at me telling me to “Do it.” I’m like “How?!” feeling defeated and then it clicks….

“My strength is made perfect in your weakness.” “Be still and know”. “Abide in me and I’ll abide in you. Apart from me you can do nothing.” “You are mine.” “The Lord gives good gifts to his children.” “I shall provide all you in according to the riches and glory in heavenly places.” ………. “I have come to give you a hope and a future.” 

… the truth that I know overshadowed every fear, every bit of shame, every ounce of impossibleness I’d felt, and caused me to stand and keep going. The belief that this new thing the Lord was doing and the struggles I’m enduring are necessary to get to what is waiting for me. The belief that the Lord has plans to give me a hope and a future is enough. So every year I begin reading The One Year Bible. Every year I read more of it than I did the year before, lol. I haven’t gotten through the entire Bible yet but I am committed to reading daily. (Y’all hold me accountable!) … but on my first day’s reading I saw things in the Genesis scriptures that I’d never seen before. In the few days that have followed after, I’ve continued to see more and more of God’s character in ways I’d completely missed before. 

In Genesis, I saw how the Lord declared that everything he’d created was good. I saw that everything he created was done in order, with intention, and not rushed. I saw that he named his creations. That what he says & plans come to pass and that he provides everything we need to live & accomplish his plans for us. 

I’ve also seen how the Lord watches over us and guides us in Matthew. In the New Testament reading, it tells of how an angel constantly led Jospeh to act during the pregnancy of, birth, and early life of Jesus. The protection that came from earnings and direction could only happen if the Lord was watching over him and his family. When Jospeh was afraid, there was the angel. When he’d made a decision, there was the angel. When enemies were on their way unbeknownst to Jospeh, there was the angel. 

This seems so basic, but is so exciting to me because it’s exactly what I need, what we need, to believe and trust in order to “be okay” no matter what comes our way. This gave me hope. Recognizing that while a lot of what I’ve been struggling deeply for the past few years weren’t purposed to break me, but in an effort to root me deeper in Christ. It made me realize that the things that happened over the past few months were incredibly hard and uncomfortable, but taught me to rely that much more on God; his grace is sufficient and he provides every step of the way. That what was and is happening isn’t okay, but it will be. That comfort in belief that things will work out is not built on the hope that people or their decisions would change, but rooted in the truth that the Lord is with me, he cares for me, he is watching over me, has a plan for me, and is providing for me. He freely gives forgiveness, hope, peace, joy, protection, guidance, and comfort in every situation we are in. And on top of all of that…. everything the Lord does is good. It is good, and he sustains us. He keeps us. He loves on us so well as we are going through this life that is said to be full of trouble. 

I’m excited about my commitment to read daily. I need to read, hear, learn, believe, & know so that my faith is strengthened. So that I can approach life’s circumstances confidently and boldly, without feelings ruling and controlling my behavior. 
As my pastor said last Sunday, when “….we have the Word in us, our faith is matured.” As our faith grows so do we. Our perspectives change, our responses different, and our interactions with this life are controlled and more Christ-like. 

If there’s one thing I’m certain I want this year, it’s a deeper maturity in Christ. To believe without a shadow of a doubt that with him and through him, his plans of a hope and a future for me will come to pass. I’m believing that for myself and for my daughters this year. Believing that we will experience a year of overwhelming freedoms, success, victory, provision, grace, and joy even when we are in the valleys as much as when we’re on the mountain tops. 

I’m believing the best for you, as well. That you would allow the Lord to lead you and you, that we all, take seriously his commitment to us. Life is hard, but our God is faithful and he will see us through. 

Happy New Year! 

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….. in awe

Now that’s a baby bump!! And, I love it. 

One of my favorite things ever experienced is pregnancy. The belly, the flutters that morph into full fledged and painful kicks and elbows as this life inside you “gets comfortable”, and the clothes. Oh, my heavens the clothes. **** squeals**** I love me some fashionable maternity clothes. There’s nothing I love more than my body during pregnancy. (After is a whole different story but we’ll cross that bridge in this summer!) The entire transformation makes me feel nothing short of beautiful, powerful, and special. Grateful and so strong. There’s no other act that makes me feel so empowered and womanly, feminine, and useful than carrying a life as it literally grows every part of itself inside of your body. And, slightly freakish at that fact that there is a person growing inside of another. But, how brilliant and creative? That one person can feed, fuel, and provide everything another could need from their own very being? 

I walk past mirrors still in awe of what is happening. A lot less shock & a lot more wonder & peace. Mixed with the misunderstanding of how I’m so large. Comfort is the name of the game and has been for a few weeks, so my unisex tees (another Loved by Hannah & Eli gem here!!) and dad’s tees are my go to these days. Because size matters and gone are the days where we squeeze into anything, ok? Nobody has time for all of that. I rub my belly in awe of this little girl’s life. Dying to see her sweet chocolately face and curious as to which sister she’ll look like, what traits of her dad’s she’ll have and pray that she doesn’t acquire my uncontrollable facial expressions. I look at these pictures just a literal week a part and wonder what we’re going to look like in 6 months……… because I’m not even halfway to cradling this sweet girl. I wonder what Christmas Eve will look like next year. How our family dynamic will change, how Rhyann & Logan will mature and handle their roles as big sisters. How the blend will happen and work. 

I wonder. Dream. Imagine. Pray. But most of all remain grateful and excited about my girl. So far she’s a dream. If not for the random naps that I can’t seem to control and this belly, the missed cycles, along with the ultrasound and hearing her strong beating heart through the Doppler, I’d never know I was pregnant. One day of nausea due to a food choice and a dizzy spell. So far, so good. More grace. 

Even my weight gain is a-okay. Blood pressure is excellent, and 2nd trimester constipation is a non-issue. Energy is pretty good for growing a human – I do take a power nap about 2p, but other than that I’m doing pretty well. I’m still taking my (plant based, vegan/vegetarian, non-gmo, gluten free) supplements and just moving right along. The girls know there’s a “baby sister” in mamas belly. Looking forward to picking up a few “big sister” books and getting them a bit more involved and excited about having a little baby in the house to share mama with. 

We’re ending the year well. Not at all how we planned, but I literally cannot imagine not having this sweet girl on her way. Funny how that is, right? The most unimaginable thing becomes exactly what you have no idea what you’d do without. Grace slathered all over me. 

Lastly, merry Christmas to you all!! I hope your year has been everything you have needed it to be – surprises and all! 

Xoxo

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