spurgeon goodness

IMG_5738.PNG“…. the promise of the new covenant is affliction….
If you hear fruit, you will have to endure affliction….
But, this affliction works out precious results.”
– Spurgeon, Morning & Evening

Thank God for his faithfulness and for being a constant source of strength and patience. For being a promise keeper and a life giver. A redeemer and friend. Comfort and peace. Mercy, hope, and grace.

Amen.

{sidebar: I love these babies every crinkle, roll, snore, and toot. I mean, just look at those chapped lips. How could you not obsess over them! Lol}

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speechless…

day1I am a mama.
It’s unreal. It’s beautiful. It’s certainly special.

It’s hard to believe that a couple of weeks ago these little girls were in my belly kicking and squirming….. There are moments where I expect to feel a jolt or someone getting comfortable but instead I have moments where these little girls are in my arms squirming and peacefully laying on my chest.

I thank God for my girls daily……
Thank Him for honoring his promises…..
I thank God for blessing us with children I never thought we’d have.
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The past couple of weeks have been so difficult for me. Ten days in the hospital, a kidney infection, sky high blood pressure, and sudden onset of pre-eclampsia really caused me to be very emotional and disappointed about how the last couple of weeks played out. Every time I even began to complain, I was reminded of how God saw to it that when my health began to falter, I’d be in the best place possible to be taken care of. I was reminded how of great of a pregnancy I’d had and how great it was that I’d been able to carry my girls to 34 weeks. My doctor (who is phenomenal) constantly reminded me of how my small frame carried so much for as long as it could…. that my belly was measuring 43 cm at 34w. That my uterus was literally stretched well past that of one carrying a singleton full term and that everything was fine.

A quick little update:
My girls were born by c-section due to pre-eclampia at 34w and 1 day. They weighed 4 lbs 13 oz and 4 lbs 6 oz and are in NICU to basically feed and grow. They are doing a magnificent job and are meeting their milestones and taking all of their adjustments in stride. For our hospital, they are required to meet a few milestones before going home which they seem to be doing a lot faster than I thought they would. logan4
In order to go home, they have to be able to:
a.) maintain their body temps b.) gain and maintain their weight c.) sleep with no apnea d.) suck/swallow/breathe simultaneously.

And, right now they’re able to maintain their body temps and should be transitioning from their incubator to an open crib within the next day or so. Initially, their incubator was heated, covered by a blanket that kept the light out, and they slept on a z-flow which prevented them from moving around so they wouldn’t burn calories and in turn lose weight. They were able to have their lamps turned off a couple of days ago and as of today, they no longer had their z-flow or blanket covering their incubators! Not only that, but their incubator tops will now stay open for 24 hours! If they do well, THEN they will move to an open crib!! Definitely progress and definitely reason to praise God and be ever so grateful that they’re able to maintain their body temps on their own!!!

The girls are sleeping incredibly well (no sleep apnea!!!) and are able to drink their milk from a bottle with no issue. Suck/swallow/breathe – check!!  The nurses are steadily increasing the amount of milk their have and the girls are able to keep up with the increases!! They do tend to fall asleep during feedings, but they are finishing and that’s most important! Logan has a feeding tube that was put in because she was having difficulty finishing her bottles at first. But now, she’s eating like a champ and hasn’t had even a portion of her bottles fed through her tube for the last couple of days! They’ve gained most of the weight they lost after delivery, which is normal, and are ounces from their birth weight.

I was discharged from the hospital today and had to leave my sweet girls which was easier than I thought it would be because I know they’re in great hands. It’s not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but knowing they’re being taken care of and are best where they are makes it less stressful. Plus, I have access to their charts and can call the NICU anytime (which I will before I go to sleep!!) to get updates and check in! logan3

These girls are the sweetest little people…. It’s amazing to see how much they change every day….. It’s so fun to watch them learn and do new things – like smile in their sleep or calm when held skin to skin or cuddled.

All of this feels like a dream. It feels so unreal. I don’t think that these little people are the ones that have been with me for 8 months, that they’re MINE, that they’ll be coming home with us soon has really hit me. I think I’m still in shock that I even got pregnant so to be here taking care of my babies seems impossible, like a fairy tale.

But, I could never be more grateful. Their lives are testaments to God’s goodness and grace, his love and complete affections for us. His fantastic plans that not only blow ours out of the water but bring us more than we could even think, plan, or imagine. This time last year or even January of this year, I would not have imagined that by the end of the year, we would have two beautiful daughters of our very own.

I’m humbled and honored that we would be blessed in such a major way…… Honoring God in my parenting is my ultimate goal; I don’t know of another way to “repay” or show thankfulness other than treating the gifts I’ve been given with the utmost respect and gentleness. The girls’ birth has also challenged me to be more respectful and honoring to my husband, as well. I want them to grow up with a healthy image of relationships – their ups and downs, the amount of work, grace, and forgiveness involved, the benefit of them.

I’m looking forward to this experience more than anything in the world…. but, I’m also looking forward to this “nap” I’m about to take. Why just a nap? Because I’m up every couple hours pumping and taking meds. Woot – woot. lol. Great practice for when the girls get home,right?

More updates coming soon!!!
Thank y’all so much for the notes, gifts, visits, emails, texts, and on and on and on! 🙂 We’ve loved them and they’ve made our last couple of weeks that much more bearable!!

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… be thankful

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(photos by Temi Coker… find him on Insta @temi.coker)

This past year, specifically, has been so difficult for me. From January til now, it’s been very hard… literally, no ease up.  And, over the past few months I’ve worked to deal with and address (within myself) the effects and feelings of everything that’s happened even though it’s so incredibly difficult for me to do.

I would pray and read and ask God for the strength to persevere, to “be right”, to endure, and to just get whatever it is I should learn from these struggles – even if it’s patience. And, my mind would wander to all of junk that’s happened and I would end up frustrated; not even focused on God.

So, this morning, I woke up committed to just breathing and being grateful in spite of what’s happened. I know that there is so much more to be grateful for aside from and even in the middle of chaos than I’ve allowed myself to see.

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Have you heard of She Reads Truth? It’s a wonderful women’s devo; I follow them on Insta, and have their app. Yes, I’m a total Stan!! I love how they use their little space on this app to encourage and speak truth… how their app is full of devos that refocus you and give you truth (not something that just sounds good) to rest in. This morning their IG posts says:

When we seek Him, we will find Him – His Word says it’s true. And so we give thanks. We cling to Him and to the promise of Him, and we give thanks For although we may feel lost, we know He never loses us. 

No matter what I’ve gone through, God has his eye on me. And, for that I am so incredibly grateful. Oh my God, if there’s anything to be grateful for – it’s that Jesus is within me, that he’s with me. That heartache isn’t for nothing. I’m grateful that He reminds me that the most important things to be grateful for are His promises….. that because of Jesus I have something to be grateful for.

That sounds so stupid. I know. So lofty and spacey, so trite. But, when everything has shaken and the reality sets in that nothing is certain….. all the truth and solidarity you have is that Jesus is with you – you quickly realize how much we take his faithfulness for granted. How we truly DON’T depend on Him for strength, endurance, and peace. How when we pray in difficult moments for patience and then immediately respond impatiently – that we aren’t trusting Him for what He promises He can give us. For what he so graciously offers us.

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I have experienced God being a redeemer.
I have experienced his faithfulness.
I know that He is a comforter & peace.

But, I’d forgotten.
I wasn’t focused.
I was afraid.

But, thankfully, I am reminded of what an amazing Savior He is.

I’m thankful.
Thankful for these girls whose lives I will forever be stilled by. I mean, I wrote back here about how Sarah and Hannah responded so differently to infertility….. I read my words, my truth about how over having my own children I was…. And, I see how this insane story has unfolded and I know that only God allowed me/us to respond to such foolishness, difficulty, hurt, and chaos the way He did. I pray for their lives daily…. pray that they have a heart for Jesus and are committed to “go slow” in trusting God. GO!!!
Thankful that I have family who double as real friends and friends who double as family who are the most supportive and encouraging…. who I can learn from and share so many hilarious and exciting memories with.

There’s always, always, always something to be thankful for……. We have just have to position ourselves to realize it and acknowledge it. Without comparing one thing against another. Without wishing and hoping things were different. Without disconnecting from life and our circumstances. But, showing gratitude for all things in the midst of having everything or having nothing because we know that although this life comes with struggle we have so so much to be grateful for.

And, finally, I am thankful that somehow this post was able to be restored. Idk what I did but I intended to publish this post and it somehow got lost and I broke down in tears.  I was already talking myself through getting over it… But, now, I’m happy and can cook with a peaceful, settled mind! 🙂

Post Jam: Jesus Saves by Jeremy Camp
*** I literally love this song….. hope you enjoy it, too! ***

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