call it experienced…

rhyannday5

 

Is this not just the sweetest fetal position ever? 

So, like any woman who gives birth, one of our concerns is getting our bodies “back”. I’m not obsessive about my body or what I eat by any means but I’d be lying if I said I don’t look in the mirror and think “oh…… gawsh. I won’t ever be the same.”

I know that my girls being in the NICU has me distracted from a lot. Getting my body back being the top of the list. I can’t focus on my body when I’m spending my days with my girls – they’re more important than anything.

But, this morning, I got a bit of perspective that I appreciate more than life.

This morning, I was getting dressed in front of the mirror and I see all of the stretch marks that grace my sides and surround my belly button. While I was pregnant I didn’t mind because my belly was full and the stretch marks didn’t seem so bad. But now that there are no babies filling me, everything is much looser and kinda deflated. So, my marks seem more pronounced.

I literally said, “My body is ruined.”
Then, my very next thought was, “No, honey… it’s experienced.

I have had the glorious opportunity to experience a pregnancy… a pregnancy unassisted by medicine, one that wasn’t accompanied by the stress of “getting pregnant”, one that completely a surprise. Something that I didn’t think would ever happen. I’ve had to go through fertility treatments, I’ve had to deal with the disappointment of failed attempts month after month and it was devastating.

I had the opportunity to carry twins… to experience them grow… to feel them kick and squirm… to watch them breathe, hiccup, yawn, and move.

This pregnancy has allowed me to experience motherhood. Looking at my girls everyday reminds of how blessed we are, how faithful our God is, and how sweet life can be.

This pregnancy was something I thought I would ever experience and if it caused me to have a few stretch marks – so be it.

My body may or may not return to it’s pre-pregnancy size…. I don’t know how long my little pooch will be. But, it’s alright. It truly is okay. Would I like for my mid section to be nice and tight? To be flat? To not show that life even existed inside of me before? I don’t know.

What I do know is that there’s no need to rush the process of getting back into shape…. especially after carrying two! There’s no need to stress and add even more (self-induced) pressure. We’ll get there. I mean between my incredibly high blood pressure and waiting for my milk to come in, worrying about my body isn’t going to help anything.

As new moms, we are bombarded with so many images and perspectives that tell us what we should look like after having our children. Yes, I think it’s stinking awesome that many of my friends have amazing bounce back a month or two after having their babies. But, that isn’t everyone’s story for whatever reason. Obviously, the more children you carry, the more difficult it could be to come back. I’d encourage every new mama, including myself, to focus on being healthy first. Caring for yourself first. And, giving yourself time to heal, recover, and lose however much weight you gained over the last 8-10 months. Time. It’s alright to look like you had a baby/babies – you did!

Love yourself. Love your experience. Love the time it takes and don’t rush yourself. And, remind me to do the same! And, when we do get the all clear to work out – let’s be gentle with ourselves. Eating well is the first step in getting pre pregnancy self back…. so we can start that NOW. Can we start there? Together? Postpartum or not…….. you in? ūüôā

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32w catch up!

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How are we feeling??!?!?!
We had a really good 32nd week! Felt good and was still pretty active!!

What’s going on with the bump?!?!
We were growing and doing well….. no issues….. had a bit more swelling than usual, so I bought some uber cute and incredibly fashionable compression tights and knee-highs. Bigger babies, less fluid means mama gets kicked. H A R D. But, I’m just glad that they active and playing with each other!

So, how are you feeling?!
I felt good….. I prepped the car with their car seats, their diaper bags, and my bag! All clothes are washed and ready, diapers organized…….. So, I was good. BUT, super emotional.

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Anything else?
Nope. Just excited about these weekly appointments and getting more and more excited about meeting my girls!

From mommy….
Y’all are full of surprises. Have been from the very beginning and I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us!

– mommy

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31!!

ls30w1
(sick of my red dress pix yet?)

How are we feeling??!?!?!
¬†Only really uncomfortable when I’m trying to get to sleep. They can jolt me a bit with their movements…. they’re getting stronger and the space is getting tighter and tighter so it gets pretty interesting to feel them moving around. I enjoy it and trying to figure out what limbs are protruding from my belly! Rubbing my fingers over them and watching them try to get comfy is getting sweeter and sweeter as we get closer to delivery. Which I have no idea when that would be which is a little bit scary. Eek! I know I will miss them so much when they’re “out”…… But, then again…. I know it’s going to be even sweeter playing with them in real life!

What’s going on with the bump?!?!
So far so good! I’m down to weekly appointments – which lets ya know it’s TIME. I’m so excited about seeing them this week and checking in with the doctor. I’m looking forward to getting their car seats installed, washing their clothes, and finishing up their nursery! It’s surreal. Absolutely surreal and this is part of what makes me so stinking emotional. I mean, how in the world do I deserve these two baby girls? Yes, we’ve been through more than I would have liked to for much longer than I would have liked to. But, oh my goodness.

I’m not sold on any specific delivery process. If I had my way I’d have a natural delivery in a whirlpool with low lights, lots of candles, and soft music. lol. I mean, seems like the most peaceful way to come into the world, yea? lol. But, I’ll be delivering in an operating room (so not exciting) and if the girls haven’t repositioned themselves and stay as they were at my last appointment (A: breech, B: vertex), I’ll be having a c-section. Which isn’t so bad because I can make sure my hair and makeup are camera ready. Vain? Possibly, but I’ve waited a looooong time for this and I want to make sure the pictures I’ll be looking at for the rest of my life are amazing. lol.

So, how are you feeling?!
All of the hormonal ups and downs have been completely averted until NOW. And, I’m emotional but I don’t do a whole lot of crying. Not a terrible amount…. I like to think that I can cover most emotional responses with logic and reality. But, it’s never been harder than it is now and it is scary.

Anything else?
Not really. I just trying to get ready in as many ways as I can without stressing myself out too much.

From mommy….
So ready to meet you girls. This is absolutely unreal. I can’t imagine how perfect you’ll be!

– mommy

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