moments 

Play dates. At this point, all this really means is babies are changed, fed, and rocked to sleep while mommies coo over babies, take pictures, and share mommy moments.

Moments that I dreamt about.
Moments I thought I would never get to experience.

Life with these babies seem so natural and normal….. there are moments when I truly forget all that I’ve been through to get to this point. Not because I want to put it behind me, but because I’m so consumed with the now. While at the same time, as I’m rocking them to sleep, I can’t help but to thank God for these babies and I remember how it felt to watch other women with their children, I saw the mom’s meeting at Chick-Fil-a for playdate lunches. Most of all, I remember the darkness, the sadness, deepest pain, and the struggle to believe.

I came across this scripture from this sweet blog and it’s such a wonderful place to find yourself in as a Christian.
Romans 4:18-23

18 Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations,just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” 
19 Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. 
20 Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 
21 being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
22 This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.”

Isn’t that powerful? Do we believe God that much for what we desire? Do we trust him that much with our dreams and hopes? Do we choose to look to our Father and believe what He has told us rather than looking around in desperation at the circumstances that we find ourselves in?

How I want to be so strong and faithful. Despite what is TRUE and REAL, to still believe God for everything He said without a moment’s doubt.

Take everything to God in prayer, right?! LOL…….

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Beauty beyond words

(null) Life as a mama just gets better everyday.

Every sweet, new sound or development warms my heart and makes me so proud. Their preference of me when they’re seeking comfort makes me feel good, worthwhile, and meaningful.

Successfully getting through each day…. Dr visits that boast growth in inches, pounds, and ounces make me feel like I’m doing my job well. When they search and smile at my voice thrills me like nothing else.

Grateful doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of how I am…..

Forever indebted.

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obsessed

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My goodness…… My goodness. My goodness.

As much of a crying, stressed, nervous wreck as I am…….. These girls are my everything. I am in awe of them. They make me smile, lift my spirits, and completely fill me with a hope I hardly understand. I can’t stop staring at them.

I love kissing their cheeks and bellies…. Holding their hands and rubbing their little feet. They have the sweetest toes in life.
And, their breath. I love feeling their backs rise and fall… I love feeling their breathe on my chest or neck…. I love just watching them breathe. And, hearing them hiccup. And, sneeze. One of them coughed in my face and I didn’t even care. lol.
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I love that they have constant bed head even after I brush it. I know they’re going to have the curliest hair ever. And, I’m looking forward to crowing their little heads with all of the bows and headbands that are mounting!

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The sound of their cries stirs me to my core… Tears flowed down my face the first time I heard them cry in the operating room… let me know that they were real, that this life, this dream was really happening, that they were okay.

I love how they kick and flail when they’re aren’t cuddled or swaddled…. I love how they calm when you run their heads, hold their hands, or hold them close. How they seek comfort, familiarity, and security and find it in me. I love how easy they are.

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I still can’t believe they’re mine. That they are the world’s sweetest answers to the most painful of prayers. I’m so thankful. So thankful for them. Thankful that such a hard year is ending and that my “… in with the new” begins with them. These girls, although they came early, came at the perfect time. And, I love them for that….. Something I hope they never understand, but I will be forever grateful for.

I love them because they made me a mama.

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