… one stage down, too many more to go

sweet babies(Rhy is fine…. caught her in the middle of a head turn. lol. No babe was harmed during our morning picture taking sesh!)

My babies will be 3 months old in a matter of days…. and, I’m definitely emotional about it.

Yes, of course, they grow. It’s no surprise.
That shouldn’t be a cause for tears and sadness.
Or, extra snuggles.

But, it’s worth that and more.

If you’ve been around awhile, you may remember quite a bit of this….. but, honestly so much of it has been stuffed so deep, I choose not to go back there.

But, I can’t forget this, and THIS!!!!!!!, and this… and, sadly,  this.
….. and, the years worth of heartache and sadness that came before May 2014…
When I posted this then this…. then, ultimately, this after everything was confirmed.
What a month that was… It’s amazing how quickly (“quickly”) things can change.

littlebitsThe fact that my babies have grown out of their newborn clothes, clothes that were so baggy on them when they came home….
and, their 0-3 month clothes are getting snug.
Their first headbands are getting a bit tight.
Their first shoes have the teensiest room left in the foot.
4oz of milk is becoming quite the joke.

Babies I weren’t supposed to be able to have are here. They are thriving. They are growing so well.
These girls have the best personalities. One’s personality is gigantic and literally comedic. The other more laid back and serious. Her facial expressions and smiles are the sweetest because you know when she smiles, she means it.

I have a couple of sweet friends, specifically, who struggled with me through our experiences of infertility and loss. And, it’s beyond beautiful to see them preparing to welcome their sweet babies.

All mamas are crazy emotional about their babes. All mamas can’t believe they grow so fast and time races as quickly as it does. I’m not minimizing any mamas love for their child. But, as with anything else, when you struggle and struggle and lose and work so very hard for something you want from you core, there’s a different type of appreciation. A different type of emotion that wells up about everything.

shoesBecause it wasn’t supposed to be.
But, God’s plan turned out to be very different and much more amazing than what we could see.
It resounded louder than all that we’d heard.
It redeemed all of the pain we’d felt.

And, how can you not be emotional over such a miracle?

While I’m sad about what’s behind us, I’m so gun shy and timid about what’s in front of us. I almost separate their age/development in 3m intervals. Kinda like their clothes! lol.
While 0-3m was a learning curve for us, I’m somewhat looking forward to investing in more clothing/shoes for them. They have a couple of more pairs of shoes and NB headbands outside of what’s been pictured because I chose not to purchase so much when I knew they wouldn’t be going out much for most of that time span and also they grow so quickly. We didn’t wear a few NB items and a lot of their NB size clothes I was able to donate to another preemie mama friend. Which was really fun. The bonus, I still have another kid’s worth of clothes I will probably donate! Lol.
So, 3-6 months…. We’ll be able to wear spring/summer clothes & shoes which I’m really pumped about. I’m sure they’ll end up with much more clothes/shoes this time!! I’m also anticipating the developments that come with having two 3-6m olds! (I can’t believe I’m saying that!) I’m so ready to see how these girls interact with each other as they grow! Sitting up, crawling, little baby teeth, real food (!!!), more cooing/babbling, more twin interactions, more of everything.

bocobaby
I’ll definitely miss the newness of everything. Over the last couple of weeks, they’ve started to hold on to you when you hold them. They wrap their little baby arms around you while they hold their heads up and look around and it makes me melt. They aren’t limp newbies anymore who aren’t able to actively participate in their world. They are learning to effect and control. The first time they reach their arms out for me I’ll probably burst. I think the little “hugs”, responding to kisses & letting you know they want more,  along with both of them smiling consistently and responsively were my favorite parts of this last stage. Oh, and of course, sleeping longer through the night!

One thing I am a bit undecided about, but at the same time very excited to start in this new stage is feeding these babies real food! We tried giving them a bit of applesauce on a spoon and they totally aren’t ready for a spoon! I’ll give them another few weeks, then see where we are after that! We were gifted a Baby Bullet and I have a good friend who owns Southern Cadence Cuisine that has offered to help me with preparing natural, tasty foods for the girls! She offers lessons in preparing your cuties nutritious meals that are age appropriate. She starts at 5 months, so if your babe is nearing that age, definitely contact her and let her know you’re interested in Cooking for Cuties!! I’m going to start lessons soon so I’ll know what I’m doing when we’re ready for the girls to have food!! (If you visit, tell her Alaina sent you!)

These last three months flew by so insanely fast…….. Can’t wait for the next 3!

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moments 

Play dates. At this point, all this really means is babies are changed, fed, and rocked to sleep while mommies coo over babies, take pictures, and share mommy moments.

Moments that I dreamt about.
Moments I thought I would never get to experience.

Life with these babies seem so natural and normal….. there are moments when I truly forget all that I’ve been through to get to this point. Not because I want to put it behind me, but because I’m so consumed with the now. While at the same time, as I’m rocking them to sleep, I can’t help but to thank God for these babies and I remember how it felt to watch other women with their children, I saw the mom’s meeting at Chick-Fil-a for playdate lunches. Most of all, I remember the darkness, the sadness, deepest pain, and the struggle to believe.

I came across this scripture from this sweet blog and it’s such a wonderful place to find yourself in as a Christian.
Romans 4:18-23

18 Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations,just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” 
19 Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. 
20 Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 
21 being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
22 This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.”

Isn’t that powerful? Do we believe God that much for what we desire? Do we trust him that much with our dreams and hopes? Do we choose to look to our Father and believe what He has told us rather than looking around in desperation at the circumstances that we find ourselves in?

How I want to be so strong and faithful. Despite what is TRUE and REAL, to still believe God for everything He said without a moment’s doubt.

Take everything to God in prayer, right?! LOL…….

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dreaming

IMG_6084.PNGThese girls are my dream. I’m looking forward to doing life with them. Manicures/pedicures, tutus and tights, and baking and crafting with them by my side is my dream. The dreams and secrets and knowing glances and facial expressions that will be passed between the three of us and shared in quiet, private moments will be the joy of our relationship that I pray will grow into a friendship as we all grow older.

I already pray their relationship, our relationship, their boyfriends and husbands, their girlfriends, and experiences.

My prayers are that their lives are beautiful and full. That they have swollen hearts for Jesus and do great things for His cause. I pray that they are kind and gentle, strong and independent, wise and witty, smart and humble.

I pray that I am able to lead them with wisdom, selflessness, and grace. That my very dry/awkward humor, abrasiveness, and hard perfectionism doesn’t callous them.

My girls. I’m so grateful for them and am just in awe of them.

I can’t wait.

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