whoosh goes the time.life It’s fast. Unforgiving. Borderline rude in how it just steals moments and gives you no notice of what’s to come.
And, if we aren’t careful, we’ll miss everything.

Am I the only one who tries to squeeze in a bit “more” in an already packed space of time? I always feel like there is something else that should have, could have, or would have been done if I wasn’t doing this….  Even if the this is legit. I’m always multi-tasking… cleaning the microwave while my dinner is sautéing… sneaking a moment to respond to an email while I’m waiting for the girls breakfast/lunch/dinner to warm clearly warrants the Guilt Fairy to sprinkle all kinds of guilt dust over my head. There’s nothing wrong with that but I guess it looks very un-awesome mother-like to be on your phone … during downtime?!?!?!
Can I get a “Me, too, sister’? What is the deal?!?!

I told you guys way over here who I was…  no sneak attacks. I’m a perfectionist, I hate to make mistakes, and I’m constantly looking for better ways to do/be/speak/communicate/write (literally pen to paper write)/____ better. And, it’s stealing my time. It’s siphoning moments that should be used to soak and etc forever in my memory all the 14month old twin savory sweetness because everything has to be just so or else I’m frustrated.
Then, I negatively self talk which causes me to lose even more time.
Que : Let It Go

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I’m learning that we all have some many questions about life… about  motherhood… our relationships… careers… passions and purposes in life that we want answers to right now. We are so pressed by the clock and that we can’t see the freedom in it. Our lives and perspectives are so dictated by culture, lists (how many words is a 14 mo supposed to say??), and Pinterest perfect expectations that we are losing time to do what really matters: love. We don’t realize that in time, all things will be answered. Either here on Earth or in Glory. So, why stress and get all ugh over an answer when there is so much joy, peace, and laughter offered in the moment?

We’re (I’m) busy rushing a baby off my hip, rushing to get to the next stage in life, impatiently waiting for this or that to happen and I’m missing it… I’m missing opportunities to love inaction.
Opportunities are to serve pass me by because I am far too easily distracted.joyful
I don’t want to look back on my day and realize that I used a lot of rushing words (Hurry! Let’s go! We have to go! Finish up! etc) and not nearly as many loving/life giving/encouraging ones (You’re holding your spoon so well! Thanks for helping me take your shoe off! Do you  like your fruit?)…. One builds relationships, the other builds stress. One causes another to smile, one causes feelings of inadequacy, as if they aren’t doing enough. One teaches impatience, while the other is teaching embracing the moment while being productive.
(There will be plenty of times we will have to legit to rush… let’s not do it all the time!)

In our moments of busy-ness, we cannot let what needs to be done overshadow our role. Right now, my most important job is to be loving and lead my little people to Christ… yes, I have to cook, clean, wash, fold, comb hair, grocery shop, pick up toys, and complete a never ending list of tasks. BUT, my priority is to first love.. guide in love, discipline in love, redirect in love, enforce boundaries in love. I need to encourage, I need to mold and shape more than I need to do laundry. I can’t honor God in my role if my first priority to sweep the floor. Everything is in vain if I’m not loving. A sparkling clean house means nothing if love is not filling those four walls. We have to use wisdom in when and how to do what our kiddos and households need and stages of life are different, but we should know that it’s when our priorities are out of order stress rears it’s ugly head. Am I right? Have you noticed that when we’re too focused on our list before our kids, we’re short tempered?

In order to be productive, we  need a game plan, some Slim, and prayer, but
when we center our to do list around our life,
we’re happier mamas who raise happier families


feel the love, fill the home

13mos2I am so thankful I have twins, not because twins are just neat,
but because the girls have a sibling.
The girls are more fun than I ever imagined.. Their personalities are hilarious and I wish I could embed their interactions as their relationship develops in my memory forever. They’re just so sweet… God’s grace in diapers, you know?  One of my heart’s deepest prayers is that they have a relationship of depth and that they truly know, like, and trust each other. That they have a character and personality that encourages and invites. One of the other prayers I have is that the relationship the three of us share is one of not only depth, trust, and like but that we know each other. That the Lord continues to mold and shape me into the woman and mother that will be able to lead and guide, impart wisdom, and teach them well in every area of their life. My goal is that they leave my home well rounded and prepared to live on their own and be successful.
Our relationships are such an enormous deal to me because the Gospel is grasped, understood, and  lived out in relationships and I want them to get it early on…. in the comfort of their home… with people they have to endure because they aren’t old enough to move out. Or know any better. And, they’re going to like it.
Which is why my home is such a big deal to me. It’s a sacred space. So much happens within the walls of a home and my prayer is that I create a comfortable space and that I am who the Lord is calling me to be (kind & gentle before anything else).  All of our hopes, dreams, fears, success, and failures will be exposed and will either produce a confidence or brokenness.13mos
And, I know all of this may sound half control freak-esque, but I know that if I’m not intentional about what the Lord has put on my heart, I will for sure miss the mark. More than getting it right, I want to chase this passion the Lord has put inside of me.  I didn’t come from a home where all of this was a part of the fabric, so I have to be even more so intentional and aware of creating a space where relationship & Christ is the focus.
Joyfully, with peace and fun we will fill our lives with love and laughter. A serious matter but when the focus is Jesus we will smile wrinkles and memories that bring belly laughs and smiles across our faces. When you think about it, how huge of a deal is the day to day state of your home life when future generations are influenced by what is happening in your homes today? Our homes and are where we learn how to relate to the world. It’s within the relationships of those we share our couches with and pass in the hallways that we learn how to hold a conversation, how to stand up for ourselves, be forgiving, how to be love in action, and show ‘no matter what’ kind of love…. Our homes are where we learn how to compromise, share, work as a team, mentor, become teachable, work through issues, pray for others, ask for prayer, support, encourage, & serve.
We learn how to deal with conflict and how to celebrate… Our definitions of love, our ability to accept ourselves and others, our capacity to dig deep, our work ethic, and who we are is established in our home. one year shoot
While we’re still settling in and as I Clorox everything, I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed over our home. A home where beauty will be given for ashes, a home where healing and new beginnings will ignite life within the walls of this house we share.  Prayers about what will happen during our time here, prayers about my hearts goals and intentions, how the girls will grow…. prayers about how God will use us in this home are constantly thought, whispered, written, and spoken.
I know that the quality of their future deeply depends on how well they are loved, disciplined, and reared now. Parenting is the greatest calling that is a whole lot less about how great we are and how cute our kids are but more about how great our God is. So far, so good and we’re enjoying every moment.
Post Jam: I Get to be the One by JJ Heller

11 months old….

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We’re eleven months into this thing and I’m still blown away at the Lord’s goodness and his choice to bless me with two beautiful babies.

I look at them and cannot believe how fast the last few months have flown by, I don’t want to believe that their “intense shows of drama” (really it’s a tantrum, ok?!) are real and they aren’t playing. That they are doing what they can to get their way. The fact that they give kisses melts my heart – especially when they are kissing each other. I literally belly laugh at them fighting over toys and babbling back and forth at each other.

Children are a for sure blessing and these girls bring joy to everyone around them! They are well loved and so loving. They have the sweetest laughs and absolutely love to play. Watching them do something new, something that we’ve been “working on” or that I’ve done with them in passing, with intention makes me realize how attentive they are and how sponge-like their minds how. I see how something so insignificant to me is such a big deal to them. Rhyann spontaneously started playing Peek-a-Boo with a blanket! Say, what?! We’ve just played with our hands – never an object. She plays interactive games so well it’s hilarious! The fact that they do things you have no idea they knew how to do is shocking…. they’ll offer you something then pull it away when you reach for it. They’ll fake you out by reaching out for you and then turning away when you reach for them!  wall2If these girls have done nothing more, they have motivated me. They’ve caused me to want to be better for them. To learn to do so many things better for their sake…. One thing I’m being forced to pay attention to is not holding to a one for all mindset. While it’s so much easier to have one method of putting to sleep, one bath time, one this or that and expecting it to work well for both girls (because it’s easier for me) is incredibly selfish but it’s also stretching me in a lot  of ways. I try not to look at their need for individualism as an inconvenience, but as an opportunity to learn about the girls  as individuals. Imagine how nice it is to have someone’s undivided attention… I can only imagine how that attention and focus could improve their day. Because my day isn’t only about me. Each of us have “a day” and it’s my job to make sure that one day doesn’t control or negatively impact their day. We’re all in this together and what’s convenient for me can’t dictate what their day looks like. What kind of model is that? In order for us to do life well together, we have to show a certain level of consideration, patience, and sacrifice. I have to consider them just as I would hope that they learn to consider their sister and others. I’m queen of the caste, but everything isn’t about me. wallI mean…. I don’t think it gets much cuter than this!

The girls are babbling more often and with more emotion… They fuss at each other and fuss at you. They squeal and clap and cheer! “Yay” is definitely one of the words I hear a lot! They say “hey” which is hilarious! Logan will say “night, night”, Rhyann imitated “bye, bye” this morning. (!!!!!!!!) They’ll sign “eat” spontaneously and with purpose. It’s a joy to hear them talking! More words are on their way and so is a step or two (I hope)…..

Motherhood is a joy… No matter how tired you are, how frustrated you are, how worn out you are – I love how motherhood pushes you even further than you thought you had the capacity to go. And, I love the model of unconditional love, unending effort, never ending forgiveness, and total acceptance it brings out of us and models for them and world.

One of my goals is to create a peaceful, accepting, joy and love filled environment for them. That they feel loved and accepted. That they will one day learn that the only way they have been loved so well is because of the overflow from Christ’s love through me and other’s around them. That we aren’t loveable by nature, that we aren’t forgiving and patient by nature, that they will do things and behave in a certain way that will disappoint, anger, and hurt me. I don’t even want them to think that they are perfect and always innocent, and I especially don’t want them to think that I think they are always good kids and unable to initiate or be involved in things they shouldn’t do or sin. I want them to know they are sinful and how sinful they are. I want them to know that because we sin, we need a Savior. And, I have to love them to Christ. Not force them, or berate them, or humiliate them to our loving God. If they’re earthly parent isn’t loving them, why would they believe someone else could? Discipline is real and necessary… another individual approach will need to be taken for it to be effective for each kiddo, but we can discipline in love and lovingly. We can create and instill boundaries and self discipline with love. It’ll make life easier for their teachers, coaches, friends’ parents, … heck, ME! lol….. We can go on all day about that and how we can go about creating sweet environments for our babies, but I’ll stop my rambling and because we each have our own reasons for how and why we parent the way that we do. I just pray and depend on God for the wisdom to do it a way (among so many) that’s pleasing to the Lord and respectful to my children as people.

Happy 11 months to the happiest, most beautiful, and playful girls!! Mama loves you!

….. um, have y’all heard Lecrae’s Boast??? UGH… so good! Listen and let me know what you think!!!