glimpses of the good

I’ve been pretty quiet about life…real life… for a couple of reasons… one being that I don’t have much extra time to write. Which sucks but it’s the truth. I literally squeeze my ThriveMoms posts in at the very last second and I realized that I never sit on my couch – ever. So, needless to say there’s not much down time. Second, vulnerable is not as easy for me to come back from. and, it’s time consuming. And, I’m busy. So…….. while I crave depth here, and in my TM blogs, and in my relationships, safety is first. Safety in just being  vulnerable and in the grace needed to come back from that space when it’s not as cut and dry as we’d all like for it to be.

Life is insane and intense.
But, I am so grateful for the joy and happiness in the blurry.

I read a meme today along the lines of “don’t ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I barely know what’s going on right now.” and that pretty much sums up my life right now. And, another mama totally “me, too, sister’d” that sentiment as we were just talking about life stuff. So, if you’re a super planner that used to organize by the week, but now about 12 hours (or minutes) in advance, join us. You’re in good company. :) And, it’s fun over here, so you’re welcome!

I’m listening to Lauren Daigle’s station Pandora (if you don’t know her, get to know her. She’s amazing. & you’re welcome… again!) and a few songs played back to back that just drove the faithfulness of God and how he is with you in everything that you go through all the way home. Such beautiful songs that nearly brought me to tears.

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you pretty much already know that I puke and gush Logan + Rhyann on a daily. Those girls are my people and my everything; two super cute, little near two giant yet tiny tornadoes who make my world go round.  So, when these songs were playing, all I could think of is how well things are going and how good God has constantly shown himself to be. Highlight of October: rank promoting in Plexus!

Single parenting is hard, y’all. And, I know I make it look easy because you tell me so. Y’all are so impressed by how I do it, but I literally would not be functioning if it weren’t for the Lord. That sounds so overly spiritual and churchy but it’s so true. I have no idea how I do it day in and day out back to back. And, y’all need to know that. Your comments, emails, and face to face compliments & encouraging words fill my tank and encourage me in so many ways. But, I need y’all to know that it gets crazy at that house and we sing and dance it out in the car because the fun keeps us happy and smiling. It’s more out of intentional necessity than spontaneous fun. lol. Thankfully I get at least one day break during the week and the standard every other weekend which is such a major blessing. Yes, I have a schedule and very little wiggle room most days so I try to stick to it…. and, I’m balancing being a mom and being Alaina pretty well which I’m incredibly proud of because I don’t naturally balance well. And, when I say I’m ‘balancing’, I really mean that ignoring the laundry that’s piled on my couch right now and choosing to spend with my friends…. If I couldn’t allow myself to break and be, I’d be stressed and frustrated, impatient, and unhappy.

This year has been so good to me….
it’s been a successful year in many ways.
A year of growth and accomplishment.
A glimpse into what’s to come……

and, it’s so good.twintasticFind these tees here!

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.
– Isaiah 61:3

Such truth.

There’s so much I’ve prayed for that has happened and that is on it’s way…. I’ve prayed for glimpses that let me know that all of the work and junk will be worth, prayed about earning more money, prayed about maturing and receiving wisdom, prayed about people I needed & needed me coming into my life, about strengthening relationships, prayed about writing/speaking opportunities……. and, this has been the year of yes. The year of redemption. The year of glimpses into a future that is bright, and full, and praiseworthy, and joyous. Not only for myself but for those around me.

So grateful.

Signature

prayers and blessings

Processed with VSCO with g3 preset

May the Lord bless you and protect you.
May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you.
May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace.
Numbers 6:24-26

The weekend before my first doctor’s appointment/ultrasound, I went to a sweet retreat, Flourish,  where everyday we had quiet time with the Lord. We could read our Bibles, pray, journal… whatever. During one of those moments, I journaled prayers and wrote lists of characteristics “they” would have. Not “knowing” that there were two sweet baby girls were growing in my belly, yet I consistently used this plural pronoun. Even when I felt so stupid and would scratch it out to write he/she, it felt wrong. So, I kept writing “they” and moved it along. I spent that weekend pouring myself out to the Lord and praying for my daughters.

Most mornings and/or nights, when their heads are on my shoulders and their breath is on my neck, I can’t help but to thank God for these two little miracles. I’m thanking the Lord that they’re finally asleep and I survived another tag team, the best kisses, food spilled on the floor, the sweet sister moments, and the laughter. And, I pray for them…. for every aspect of their lives from their temperaments, personalities, work ethic, goals, friends, boyfriends, husband (one for each! no lol), their relationship with each other, the relationship we would share together and then myself with each individually…… I soak their lives in prayer.

It is up to me to pray for and bless my children…. to trust God with their lives, their hopes, and their dreams. To trust that he has created me capable and is molding and shaping me to be even more capable, more wise, more discerning, and ever loving to raise these girls to have a heart for him and a love for his people. Which means, there’s a lot of praying about who I am, a lot of focusing on the different things I feel the Lord pressing on my heart to better, and intentionally drawing closer to Him.

We don’t pray with our fingers and toes crossed, wishing the stars align and the universe responds to our good behavior. Do we? Or are our hands lifted in surrender, hearts poured out, and declarations spoken of God’s faithfulness, love, and grace? I hope and against hope, I pour out my heart, and ask the Lord for my heart’s desires. Trusting and believing that he will deliver, that his will certainly will be done, and that I will glorify him as we benefit from all things working together.

Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

The days are long, the years are short…. and, so are the nights… but our babies lives, but most importantly their souls, depend on our faith in Christ and how we lead them to the Lord. A question that has rolled around in my mind is: Am I taking my babies’ souls seriously? Are we? We take their fashion seriously, their hair, and other materialistic, outward beauty very seriously. But, what effort are we putting into their character and souls? Who are we teaching them to please and obey – us or Christ? If we are disciplining and training to make ourselves comfortable and easier for ourselves during the day (which I get!!!), they aren’t learning to look any further than the imperfect, taller person in their lives. But, when we teach them that there is a Father who loves us deeply and desires for us to serve others and love him, they obey us as parents out of respect for their God…the creator of the universe and the redeemer of the world.

Wouldn’t that perspective help foster a relationship between them and the Lord?
Respect for Him first and me second?
… considering they are His before they are mine?

I don’t know, ya’ll…. I’m just 15 months in and there’s more than plenty to learn on parenting children…..but, I’m praying that if I teach them to focus more on the Lord than on me, they’ll be better for it. If we’re a house full of people focused on honoring and serving the Lord, I’m faithfully praying that it will result in a home where fullness of joy, peace, forgiveness, love, service, grace, patience, and all of the goodness that flows from Christ reign…. rather than the pull and force that comes with training someone to please you… oh a house full of offenses, impatience, frustration, anger, disappointment and hurt and sadness is in control. Same people, same sin issues, same disobedience, same mistakes, same frustrations but a different perspective about the ones you share your walls with and your response to them because of who you’re ultimately trying to please.

Lord, be with us as we raise these little images of you. 
Cover us with your grace and love as we walk this tough and exhausting road.
Energize us, equip us, and bless us with your wisdom and peace.
Amen.

In what ways are you praying for your children? Do you have specific areas of their life you focus your prayers on at certain points of their life….  Ministry? Gifts? Character? Faith? Relationships??

Signature

whoosh….

whoosh goes the time.life It’s fast. Unforgiving. Borderline rude in how it just steals moments and gives you no notice of what’s to come.
And, if we aren’t careful, we’ll miss everything.

Am I the only one who tries to squeeze in a bit “more” in an already packed space of time? I always feel like there is something else that should have, could have, or would have been done if I wasn’t doing this….  Even if the this is legit. I’m always multi-tasking… cleaning the microwave while my dinner is sautéing… sneaking a moment to respond to an email while I’m waiting for the girls breakfast/lunch/dinner to warm clearly warrants the Guilt Fairy to sprinkle all kinds of guilt dust over my head. There’s nothing wrong with that but I guess it looks very un-awesome mother-like to be on your phone … during downtime?!?!?!
Can I get a “Me, too, sister’? What is the deal?!?!

I told you guys way over here who I was…  no sneak attacks. I’m a perfectionist, I hate to make mistakes, and I’m constantly looking for better ways to do/be/speak/communicate/write (literally pen to paper write)/____ better. And, it’s stealing my time. It’s siphoning moments that should be used to soak and etc forever in my memory all the 14month old twin savory sweetness because everything has to be just so or else I’m frustrated.
Then, I negatively self talk which causes me to lose even more time.
Que : Let It Go

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

I’m learning that we all have some many questions about life… about  motherhood… our relationships… careers… passions and purposes in life that we want answers to right now. We are so pressed by the clock and that we can’t see the freedom in it. Our lives and perspectives are so dictated by culture, lists (how many words is a 14 mo supposed to say??), and Pinterest perfect expectations that we are losing time to do what really matters: love. We don’t realize that in time, all things will be answered. Either here on Earth or in Glory. So, why stress and get all ugh over an answer when there is so much joy, peace, and laughter offered in the moment?

We’re (I’m) busy rushing a baby off my hip, rushing to get to the next stage in life, impatiently waiting for this or that to happen and I’m missing it… I’m missing opportunities to love inaction.
Opportunities are to serve pass me by because I am far too easily distracted.joyful
I don’t want to look back on my day and realize that I used a lot of rushing words (Hurry! Let’s go! We have to go! Finish up! etc) and not nearly as many loving/life giving/encouraging ones (You’re holding your spoon so well! Thanks for helping me take your shoe off! Do you  like your fruit?)…. One builds relationships, the other builds stress. One causes another to smile, one causes feelings of inadequacy, as if they aren’t doing enough. One teaches impatience, while the other is teaching embracing the moment while being productive.
(There will be plenty of times we will have to legit to rush… let’s not do it all the time!)

In our moments of busy-ness, we cannot let what needs to be done overshadow our role. Right now, my most important job is to be loving and lead my little people to Christ… yes, I have to cook, clean, wash, fold, comb hair, grocery shop, pick up toys, and complete a never ending list of tasks. BUT, my priority is to first love.. guide in love, discipline in love, redirect in love, enforce boundaries in love. I need to encourage, I need to mold and shape more than I need to do laundry. I can’t honor God in my role if my first priority to sweep the floor. Everything is in vain if I’m not loving. A sparkling clean house means nothing if love is not filling those four walls. We have to use wisdom in when and how to do what our kiddos and households need and stages of life are different, but we should know that it’s when our priorities are out of order stress rears it’s ugly head. Am I right? Have you noticed that when we’re too focused on our list before our kids, we’re short tempered?

In order to be productive, we  need a game plan, some Slim, and prayer, but
when we center our to do list around our life,
we’re happier mamas who raise happier families
.

Signature