f i v e

Can y’all believe this?! These people are five years old!

This space was birthed because of them.
(Sort of.)

I started writing in this space in 2011 to keep my family and close friends in the loop of my & then husband’s journey through infertility. With all of the doctor & specialist appointments it was annoying to make all the phone calls and send the texts…… so I started writing.

 Created a blog and titled it something that has colored the last eight years of my life.

GROWTH. Very public, very ‘come alongside me’. Journey though all life’s hard shit with me. I never thought it would become what is has. Ever. Your emails, messages, comments, and support has been NUTS. Because you’ve been going through the same exact things. And, felt alone. Felt afraid. Felt isolated. Confused. All the things that I was feeling, but we got to do it together. It’s been nice.

Three years of writing through the ups and downs of fertility treatments and adoptions.
Three years of sharing the highs, lows, disappointments, fears, & frustrations.
Three years of learning about character of God, how to trust Him.
Three years of fighting through a maturation of my faith I KNOW
wouldn’t have come unless we took the hard, rocky route.

The one that forced you to face God.
And, then…. boom.

At the point I became aware of the unraveling of my marriage, I find out I’m expecting.

More hard and rocky.
Insanely unbelievable hard and rocky.

Timing made no sense.

Then, five years ago, after 9 days in the hospital on bed rest, I woke up to a second consecutive high blood pressure reading at 36 weeks and was prepped to deliver these sweet girls by a c-section.
The last five years haven’t been easy.

But, again …. the Lord is answering prayers still.

He is faithful.
He is love.
He is kindness.
He is mercy.
He is grace.
He is hope and strength.
Full of joy and comfort.

They are and are becoming everything that I have prayed for. They are kind and funny. Smart and helpful. They’re thinkers and compassionate. They love God big and love singing worship songs and praying. They love to read. They’re cuddlers and wonderful big sisters.

Even in the midst of chaos & hardship God is still faithful and good.

Their story, these miracle blessings came at the worst time in my eyes but even still the Lord has been so good. We are not able to control the climate, we can’t control the circumstances. However, we can trust that whatever God allows no matter when he allows it, he will carry us, grace is through it.

There are times I wonder why God allowed such incredible blessings to come in the middle of such drama. Why after all of the craaaaaazy, things couldn’t level out and be fine… because OMG answered prayers! Come on!!! This is glorifying to you, right?!

But, y’all. THIS IS.

And, I mean….. that would have been, too, right? Peace and marital restoration after crazy. For sure. Maybe. Who knows. But what I do know is that this life I’m living right now has put me face to face with God and I love it. I love his Word, I love HIM, I love watching him move in my life and be & so all the things I’m asking & needing him to be & so. Trusting God “though you can’t trace Him” as my Pastor says, is hard but so so so good.

Their life is like a time stamp of sorts. Marking not only evidence of the faithfulness of God, but so much newness. Five plus years of this….. growing and maturing with and because of these incredible little girls.

Five years of watching them seemingly never have enough time to
play and chat and sing together.
Five years of laughing at their silliness and jokes.
Five years of milestones, growth, change, challenges, and learning.
Five years of watching two little people who came at the most
inconvenient time make such a huge impact on so many people.

Two little girls who are evidence of the impossible. Two little girls who have, by their very existence, driven me closer to the Lord and been such catalyst for out-of-comfort-zone living.

I can’t (well, I could but won’t) celebrate them without honoring how gracious God has been. If you don’t truly know, it’s likely hard to understand how intertwined so much of this day, my girls, & their birthday is to completely changing our life and faith in God. The fact that they are here, my pregnancy was as healthy & physically/medically stress free as it was, and we have made it five years is a reminder of what and why I believe what I do and why my faith is as unshakable as it is.

God truly gives us the desires of our hearts.
Truly answers prayers.
Has his hand on our lives as he lifts up our heads, as he covers us with grace.

I was still crying out to God for AN answer when TWO were already growing in my belly.

A celebration of these girls cannot be unattached from worship, separated from the acknowledgment of how faithful God is.

We prayed them here. Praised God when we got that positive pregnancy test. Praised him when they got here and we’re going to do the same exact thing every single year.

PUBLICLY UNASHAMED.

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fantastic, feisty, & five months fab!

Processed with VSCOcam with g3 preset“Hey, sister!! We’re 5 mths!!”

These last five months have been so joyous in some ways and very difficult in others. Lots of growing and choosing. Lots of struggling and rejoicing. They are for sure worth celebrating regardless of what else is going on in our world. Worth fawning over. Worth working our hardest for.

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They are doing some pretty exciting things these days…… I kinda chatted over here about what they are doing but since then, they’ve been doing better with holding their bottles and it almost seems as if they’re ready to get moving! Their little bodies will get all excited and their legs and arms will move but it’s so funny because they aren’t going anywhere!

I’ve been allowing them to taste little foods here and there. I’m not quite ready to give them real food yet, but I want to begin shaping their little palates. They’ve tasted cucumber, plum, and carrots. Logan seems to really enjoy new foods – she’ll hold your hand/food to her mouth and scream cry if you take it away. Rhyann….. she’s not too thrilled. Introducing foods to them will be interesting – especially if this pattern carries on. 5mthsa

…. and, they’ve begun crying tears. Real Deal tears.
MY GOSH…. I never thought tears would make my heart break. Watching these girls grow is my greatest joy….. They cause my heart to soar.

Logan is still the happiness baby on the planet. She’s laughing, squealing, and making the cutest faces more and more. She literally wakes up with the happiest of faces. And, the girl loves music and will bounce and babble along with it!
Rhyann is becoming such a ham. Laughing more without so much work and babbling tons and tons. She has made the strangest, most hilarious sounds ever!! She’s hilarious. And, I love her personality.

Both of them are the best babies…. easy. Quiet for the most part and they’re easy to take anywhere and everywhere.
They’re also the best errand running buddies. They just ride and hang out…. they’re so easy.
IMG_7255The last five months have been full of nurturing and stillness for most of the time…..
the next five will be so very different.

I can’t wait to do the teaching and chasing, the hand holding, and just watching them become more independent.
They’ll become more themselves, more of me, more of their dad.
They’ll do more watching, more imitating.

And, I cannot freaking wait.

Month 5… bring it.

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like a GIRL!

It’s blurry but I love it!
…. And, that size 2 skirt! I couldn’t get into a size 2 skirt two weeks ago!!
Literally cried and promptly returned the skirt & refused to go up a size.
Thank you, PLEXUS!! 

Notice a sweet little commonality with hashtags & posts today?

They’re about WOMEN!

#likeagirl
#internationalwomensday

Positive, uplifting, encouraging, & inspirational words and pictures about women to women by women!

These posts are a great breathe of fresh hair from the usual women on women verbal barrage of meanness that brings us all down. That negativity that’s often lives well among women tears a part relationships, rips confidences to shreds, and gives other women permission to do the same.

As women, the way we treat each another woman tells others that it’s okay to treat them in the same manner believe it or not. Genuinely building up & supporting another woman tells the world that not only is she worth love and support but that you, too, are worthy of friendship and a support. There’s something about witnessing someone support another that inspires us to support them and others, true? We like people who like people and who are liked, am I right? It’s a domino effect that pays forward what we believe we are worthy and deserving, yea?

I’m encouraged by women who don’t let their insecurities blind them to their own greatness and keep them opportunities that are awaiting them. I’m thankful to have women in my life who love supporting other women and who show/teach the many different ways to stand up for ourselves without tearing another person down. It’s possible. We can do it! We just have to value ourselves and other people, too.

Being a woman isn’t about tearing people down. It isn’t about weakness or cattiness, or unhealthy competition and meanness. We have so much power, we can be so inspirational, strong and gentle.
We can even be kind even if we don’t like the circumstances or the person.
And, that’s NOT being fake, it’s being mature.
It’s being a woman.

I love being a girl. I love being a woman. I love that we are breaking barriers, achieving what used to be impossible all while looking fabulous and letting other girls and women that they can do it, too.

A joy and pride swell my heart when I hear of the accomplishments of other women. We are capable and we’re getting the attention of those who believed that we weren’t. like a girl

I love that doing something ‘like a girl’ means doing it with courage, strength, commitment, passion, and grace.
I love that we are a mix of beautiful contradictions…..
Strong & feminine.
Emotional & logical.
Strong business minded & gently nurturing.

Doing it like a girl is a compliment.
And, we have no problem letting you know it.
Like a boss.
Because we are bosses.
and, girls.

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