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who do you see?

photo by: Courtney Neely (@courtdione)

For years… most of life, when I looked in the mirror, all I saw was the picture of the negative words spoken to me or about me. I saw negative thoughts, assumptions, and beliefs about me that I allowed to create a clouded, limiting view of myself. I didn’t see talent or promise. Didn’t see ability, influence, or an incredible life. And, I missed out on many opportunities and progress because I didn’t think very much of myself even though there was always a nagging in the back of my mind that would urge me to try, to take steps toward the scary, unknown, and to be more. For a very long time, I never could.

Just recently, I’ve begun to see how the Lord has used the last few years to lay this path that I’m walking now in a different light. I see it as a path that aligns passions I’ve had since a little girl with new ones I’ve acquired over the last few years with gifts that I’m finally, finally confident enough in to boldly stand in and use fully to glorify God + serve others. And, I have no idea where it’s leading. No clue how the dreams I see and desires I have are going to unfold, but what I do know is that as long as I obey and do the work that the things He wants accomplished will happen. A result I don’t have to control, one I don’t have to pick at or manipulate or micromanage. The work is mine, the outcome is his.

This path has involved maturing, creating boundaries, some breaking away, and answering hard questions. I’ve had to choose to allow what is good to outweigh the bad, to nearly blow the speakers with such a loud volume blaring the truth the Lord sees & declares over me to drown out the cynicism & negativity that I allowed to play on loops in my head. To focus my heart and eyes on God and constantly repeat, “So what?” and “…… and, then what?” in response to fears and doubt.

When I look the mirror today, I see a woman who is doing more in spite of fear. Who understands why I was limiting my impact and what I could do. I see that she finally see what she can do. Who she can be. How she can equip, impact, and empower……………. and that she’s finally bold enough to stick her neck out there and do it.

One of the verses that have become a brand new fave is out of Psalm 107, where the declarations of who the Lord is and what he does for his people concludes with (v. 42) “the godly will see these things and be glad…” (v. 43) “… they will see in our history the faithful love of the Lord.” And that is my hope and prayer as I begin to intentionally work, write, and create – to shine a light on what I’ve experienced and learned. My goal is encourage and empower you with my story so that you will begin to search and look for the Lord’s faithful love in your history, as well.

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