This week is my birthday week.

By the end of the week, I’ll be a whole year older, and I usually have a ton of plans that I created in an effort to celebrate myself…… (truth bomb here) because I “knew” no one else would.

Just about every year in the past, I have planned dinners and brunches and time with friends + family to celebrate my birthday. This year, I have nothing (like a literal nothing) planned and I’m not mad about it at all. Or bummed. Or disappointed. Or feeling an emptiness or yearning for a celebration at all. Or anything of that nature.

From what I can remember, most of my life I’ve done a lot of priming + prepping, initiating, maintaining, enduring, and wanting more in & from many of my relationships than the other person. And, over the past year, the Lord has been teaching me to do a lot more waiting & enjoying than “working”. My personality is set up in a way that won’t let me “be”. I’m an initiator, I’m intentional, I go after goals, & I know what I want. This is great until it’s not. There is typically a lot of establishing, tone setting, and creating and I end up pulling someone along is exhausting. It takes a toll on mental & emotional health…. it’s painful. Likely on both sides, but I mean, the other side isn’t mine to unpack.

Praise God for counseling, right? Years of weekly or bi-weekly sessions along with a natural curiosity for personality profiles, understand motives, & “self help” books. That’s what there were called 10-20 years ago. Maybe not so much today. I like to understand WHY and that natural inclination had been a major blessing.

The glaring fact that I’ve always hustled for what I never understood was already mine in Christ opened my eyes to so many things that now make so much sense. Worthiness, a place, and to be heard drove a lot of my unhealthy choices & created mindsets & beliefs about self esteem, belief in who I was & what I could do, the quality of my relationships, life happenings, & people around me that were just not accurate.

A lot of life has happened that’s driven me to the Lord that I wish I could say I really could have done without. Things that were so painful. Things that still resurface & I have to silence and speak life over. Things necessary for my personal growth & what would be required to lead + support other women.

Things that would ultimately bring healing.

Life is hard.

It’s even harder when it seems to continue to get harder.

But, what is so so good?? The grace in the details that make up every situation…. the proof that God is with me, and you. The Lord will put the best, most necessary people in our lives to hold us up & wipe us off while encouraging us to endure.

The Lord hears us.

He comes to our rescue.

He moves when we call.

He is purposeful in his timing.

Generous with his comfort, grace, & mercy.

We aren’t on our own, even while we watch the things around us literally falling apart….. he is working (and has been working) together for our good.

Because he loves us.

Have you heard Lauren Daigle’s song Rescue? You must!!

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