… let’s be honest

I’m getting back into the swing of coming to this space and emptying my heart a bit.

I’ve written and erased. Written and re-written. Written and chickened out. But, I’m proud of the fact that I’m still writing. Still sorting through my thoughts. Still sharing what I’m learning, my experiences, and life. Still growing through life and committing to doing, being, & living better.

“One day” these kids are going to at their mama doing something amazing, and they’re going to say “Wow! That’s my mommy!!”

Hello. One day is now. They’re going to be so proud of the chances I took. Proud that I choose to live differently. Chose to try something new and keep doing it no matter how hard things got, no matter what was going on.

They’re watching me push past fears. Read books that develop & sharpen skills that help me to lead, mother, communicate, and engage better. Deeper. With more vulnerability.

They’re going to be proud of me not because I “got through”, but because all I have accomplished. Because I live faithfully and trust God big. Because of how my circle, my people, and my team trusts me.

They’ll be proud of my character and discipline. They will say “because of her, I can…”

One of the lies I believe and teach our children is that we are just fine how we are. That if people don’t like us, that’s there problem. And, to a certain extent- I can get with it. But, more often than not, if we are honest with ourselves and our children- there’s some personal development and maturity and growth that needs to happen. That if most people don’t like us, we need to address the common denominator – OURSELVES!

I recognize and accept that who I was 4 years ago (mmmm… today) was not going to be able to be the mom, wife, friend, or business woman the people in my life and on my team needed. And, I’d be foolish to bury my head in the sand and ignore that the hurts, poor communication skills, inability/fear to have tough conversations, & then some will create or have created horrible habits if I don’t address & destroy them. It would be choosing to pass down & begin negative generational mindsets, it would be choosing to live a life of limited opportunities. And, because I would settle, it would make it very very hard for me to raise children who believed they could do hard things. It would be hard to be an incredible helpmate to the man I am praying for. They (likely) won’t be able to ______, because I didn’t ______.

Isn’t it scary to realize that we can only teach our babies what we know? Owwwwwch.

Isn’t it scary to know that we can only lead our teams + families places we are bold enough to go?

We lead in the same way we think. In the same way we believe. In the same way live our own lives.

Y’all. It’s hard. Hard to look in the mirror and accept who you really are. BUT! BUT! BUT! It’s also the most incredible journey to become more than you ever thought you could be. There is so much that we have yet to experience and if we continue to ONLY do what is safe and comfortable, we will never know what lies beyond our current abilities.

Please understand. Growth is tiring. It’s frustrating and it hurts. I get tired of being resilient. I get tired of having to leap hurdles and press on. I’m waiting and highly anticipating the day things are easy…. easier. A life is literal & metaphorical sunshine and my booty in the sand 98% of the time would be very nice. Yet, I don’t want life to be tooooooo easy – I love what the inability to quit is teaching me. I enjoy having to find different ways to hit a goal, failing ain’t fun but figuring out a new & different way to get the job done is rewarding. I want to be the example that says failing forward lands you face first into success. Yes, I know what I’m asking for.. lol have you seen the last few years of life?lol! We’re going places, y’all!!Life only takes us out if we let it. We may have to kick and claw and scrape and tread our way through for a little while, but it doesn’t have to ruin us. Nothing lasts forever. Hardship & heartbreak don’t have to steal our joy. We don’t have to allow disappointment and pain to rip our dreams out of our hands.

Personal growth. Personal development. Choosing to become better through reading books and surrounding ourselves with people that will call us on our isht and (lovingly) demand that we to operate at our highest potential is what’s going to change our life. Not marking 1/1 or 2019 “the best year yet” without choosing to get dirty.

Intentional & unapologetic. TODAY. because the work that will make 2019 incredible has already started.

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