they broke another lipstick

Disclaimer: If you’re looking for a warm and fuzzy-my children are perfectly & completely fantastic-I’m absolutely obsessed with them & motherhood post, don’t read any further & close this page out immediately.

Disclaimer: If you looked at my pic & thought “Why didn’t she do her hair?” or any other negative thought at this point, you should prob ‘x’ out, too.

I have quite a few thoughts on single motherhood/parenting that have been rolling around my mind that I’m working on finding the right words & ways to share…… this post is hardly scratching the surface of those thoughts. I’m sure with those expressed thoughts will come plenty of judgment out of true ignorance, but a ton of understanding from those who get it. And are feeling the same things silently & I’ve always wanted women who are in my space circumstances to feel a lot less alone.

So, I wrote about the frustration & thought process behind the (fifth-ish) broken lipstick.

Very few people outside of motherhood truly get motherhood, won’t even go there with understanding single motherhood. The paradoxes, idiosyncrasies of the role, the emotional load, the attention to detail it requires in all areas are often dismissed in a way that can easily make you feel small if you allow it. Many people try to give logical “solutions” to situations that are so much deeper & defy logic, human-ness, or anything that comes behind “why not just……” and obvious “have you tried…..” offers that make you chuckle.

Only a mother understands wanting/needing a break from your kids yet fights off the urge to snuggle & just watch them when someone comes to give us “the minute” we need to hit up the store (Target, Spec’s, wherever your car takes you that day), sit in silence parked in a lot around the corner, or even to your room to _______.

Only a mother would understand allowing tears to roll down your face when your prepping the diaper bag for the next day & notice that the toss in bag you put your things in has been rifled with & one of your favorite lipsticks is now broken. Because that is your favorite thing. It’s yours – even though you share it with your children. It’s something that allows you to be you. It helps to give you a more “put together” appearance, adds a little pop of color, makes you feel a little bit less like you’re just “_____’s mom”.

Because mamas have nothing for ourselves.

Boobs aren’t ours anymore.

Personal space a memory.

Privacy is done. Completely & utterly done.

That water in that bottle & food on your plate is mine if I can reach it.

Peaceful, enjoyable meals are impossible.

Loss is something that comes with the territory, but because it’s loss- it’s not always fun, welcomed, or enjoyed.

We are constantly too busy, pulled in too many directions, mentally/emotionally/physically whooped to even consider ourselves.

I share “it all” & willingly because I enjoy it. At the same time, very little is left for myself so I enjoy the little, easily accessible things ………. so I have lipstick. It’s one of those things I love deeply and “need”. If I’m leaving my house 9/10 I have on lipstick. It smoothes & softens the rough edges of that new mom/mom of many look. Lol. It’s the extra pop. I mean, earrings + lipstick are a must. Right?

You may be thinking, “It’s just lipstick. Get over it.” But, it’s not and I don’t mean that in a spoiled brat kinda way. It’s not JUST lipstick. Nothing is just anything anymore – not when everything that makes you you & that you enjoy is hard to come by, pushed to the back burner, dropped down on the list of priorities, or not often calendared…… because you’re a mama now. Understandable. Logical. Beautiful & at times lonely & painful.

At least for me.

And, still…… It’s not just lipstick.

It’s LIPSTICK.

The thing that my girls use to connect with me. To look like me. To make kissy faces with me. To primp in the mirror with me. To laugh with each other. It’s special. For me. So it’s special to them. (obvs a throw back!)

And, they’re literal pros at applying it.

Their intent isn’t to break it or destroy the things that matter most to me.

Their goal is to copy me. To look like me. To do that thing that connects to one another. So they can run up to me with a smile and kissy face saying “mama! Looook” with a wink.

(another throw back… they did their brows, too!)

Naturally, I’d want to share the things I love sharing with my girls. It almost intensifies my enjoyment. The fact that “my” thing is “our” thing makes my heart so happy. Lol. But the fact that they [unintentionally] break it, chaps my hide.

Kinda like how I love that they come into my bed in the middle of the night and snuggle. I love how you feel safe with me, but I’d really love to sleep comfortably without blocking kicks throughout the night.

Yes it hurts. Yes I’m sad. Yes it suuuuuucks because $$ allocated to replacing something we already had rather than getting something new annoys me and is a waste in my opinion. Don’t like to waste.

It’s perspective, right? Choosing to see multiple sides of a circumstance, the other perspective, giving benefits of the doubt….. and choosing to value an irreplaceable person than a thing.

At the end of the day, it’s just lipstick. So, please, don’t break it.

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Comments

  1. And so I continue to learn day by day that my life is no longer my own. However, there are a few “lipsticks” I need to hold on to. Thank you for this precious reminder. You are an awesome Mompreneur!!

  2. THANK YOU. A million times, Thank you. For putting into words the sheer complexity of motherhood- wanting to feel like “you” sometimes even if you are somebody’s mama. And considering the cost of a good lipstick these days, I would have pouted and boohooed right along with you. So, you’re not alone, mama. We all just want (and need) to have our secret arsenal of lipstick… And find it perfectly intact when we want to use it. Sending lots of love and unbroken,virtual lipstick your way!

    • Aw friend. Yes. It’s for sure complex and you’re always on both sides of the spectrum, feeling two or three different ways at once. Thank you for coming along side of me! Girl. Idk where I’m going to be able to stash it. Right now, (because of lipstick!!) we’re working on “if it’s not yours, don’t touch it”. Great lessons on asking permission & respecting others & their things. They’re getting it. They’re getting that everything isn’t theirs- which I don’t think they knew! Lol.

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