biggest blessing, deepest frustration

I love music. I learn lyrics very quickly and can listen to the same song on repeat for days. Music hits me to my core; not sure if it’s my two years of middle school cello and violin (which I adored), but it stirs my soul.

One of my favorite songs is “Find Rest” by Dara Maclean. It’s a insanely beautiful song (from chords to lyrics) that remind us that in the chaos of life, we are not only capable of fighting (with the Word of God), not only are we protected by our God, but we can also find rest in our God.  One of my favorite lines (I thought) said “…our dreams are yours”, but actually says “the victory is yours”. Anyone else completely destroy lyrics?! lol. Needless to say, we even have victory in Christ. Which actually belongs to him and let me tell it, our dreams (and children) do, too!

When I ‘heard’ our dreams are yours, tears began to fall as I started worshipping in my shower. My very firm belief is that the Lord plants hopes, dreams, goals, and plans in our hearts. We may not fully understand them, we may be afraid of what we are led to do with them, or even mishandle them…but I ultimately believe that those things he gives us are our ‘work’ to do. He gives us a task that will serve others, build up the body, mature our faith, and allow us to encourage one another as we bear each other’s burdens. So for me, when I think of my goals and the things I’d love to accomplish I recognize that they aren’t for me. Reaching those goals and winning those victories would be to the glory of God and the edification, in some way, of his people.

….that sounds great, right? It is. It’s beautiful.

thing is this….. it is so easy for my biggest blessings, joys, and gifts to become my deepest frustrations and sore places! I get so fixated on our goals and plans, the details and ‘need to do’s’, that serving and loving is overshadowed with stress and pride! I forget that the victory is Christ’s, not mine. That when I honor the Lord with my effort, when I work as unto him, and do everything within my power to accomplish what he has given me, all things work together for my good and his glory. YES!!!!! the Lord said he would give us the desires of our hearts (and he will!) and that we are overcomers (we really are!) and that we will receive victory (yeeeesssss!!!) that it’s not actually us who wins! Because of that truth, we can find peace in the Lord and rest in the shadow of his wings. Rest for our broken hearts, for our weary spirits, and new life for our dreams we may have given up on.

We don’t have to be frustrated, worn out, weary, angry, disappointed, envious, or and hopeless because things aren’t going the way we want them to go or people aren’t doing what we want them to do. We forgot that this isn’t our circus. These aren’t our monkeys. This isn’t our plan and our will to be done. We are doing more running than resting. More monitoring that submitting. More dividing than gathering. More complaining than praising because of our perspectives.

We are so consumed with the what than the how
and inn those moments we  are not longer honoring the Lord.

But, it’s so easy, right?!
Becoming frustrated while preparing dinner and attempting to put a decent meal on the table while every single child in your house seems to have completely lost it. for the love, it is easy.
Becoming short tempered and feeling anxious when you’re experiencing complete overwhelm is fathomable when no one seems to appreciate you or even see you.
Acting and speaking in anger when we’ve been hurt deeply. Consistently.

It’s easy and understandable to focus on what is happening, but that’s not where the fight is.

We become irritable, impatient, and so (do you give me permission to  say it?) so self focused that we are missing the Lord working right in front of us, we miss moments how the Lord is putting things together for us. We’re missing moments that are worthy of so much gratitude and praise, we’re missing moments to soften our hearts and really be with our people. We’re missing moments to share the heart and love of Jesus to those who need it most.

I am guilty, guilty, guilty of all of this but I am so thankful that I am forgiven and freed in Christ. That I am called righteous and holy. And, that the Lord continuous to refine me. So grateful for the grace that holds me close, presses me up against him, and urges me to abide so deeply within him. {Blameless by Dara Maclean}

Because I believe that I am a child of God and that his heart is for me, that he cares deeply for every concern that burdens my heart, and that he will provide every single need I have…..

I can rest. I can have peace. I can live joyfully, serve well,
be forgiving, look to the future with hope and joy,
and love all people as Christ loves me.
Because he loves me.

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