… i found happiness 

Some will tell you to aim for joy because happiness depends on what is happening. That you should want to be joyful first, and if you happen to be happy- that’s a bonus. 

They’ll say that in order to be happy, something has to be happening. As if there aren’t people in this world who have a heck of a lot happening but aren’t happy. 

For a good 5 years (maybe?! I quit counting) life was HARD. My response varied between bawling some days and a zombie others, but most days were hemmed together with a The Lord-kept-me kinda grace so I was somehow able to smile (a lot) even though my days were really painful. I’d beg the Lord for peace and joy through sobs and tears and heartache type hard. Hard because my heart was aching and broken for so many reasons…. infertility, failed adoptions, failing/failed marriage……. it was an endless spiraling downward. Too many this-is-not-happening-where-is-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel situations back to back to back. 

Yet, I got through. I learned to have joy in the middle of chaos. A sliver of hope at first; bursts of sweet moments sprinkled here and there that allow you a bit of calm and genuine enjoyment in spite of what is going on around you. That sprinkle of joy eventually drenched me. There was s peace that allowed me to be fully present instead of in a fog. I fought for that awareness. 

The day I realized I had joy, I praised God & cried. It wasn’t something that had to be begged for anymore. It was just there.

But, is that enough? Should I be satisfied with “joy in spite of” when I believe that Christ came so that I may have abundant life? When I believe that the Lord gives me the desires of my heart and is a GOOD, GOOD father? If  I believe that the Lord made me an overcomer and gives me HIS strength, and has a plan for my life that is for my good and his glory……… should I settle for just joy?

Why shouldn’t I and couldn’t I shoot for happiness, too? UNDERSTANDING that the Lord also said that we were going to have trouble in life, understanding that my happiness isn’t the Lord’s number one priority…………. I’m thankful that the Lord gives me a lot to be happy for. 

Now, I’m in a really incredible spot. A sweet spot. A make-this-last-forever (and ever) spot. The spot where joy met peace then ran into happiness. The trifecta of life. There are moments that make me aware, yet again, of where I am and it makes me happy on top of happy to be in this place at this moment. 

I love where I am, where my kids are, and where we are as a family. They make me happy. Their smiles, singing, laughter, playing, & sleepy faces in the morning make me beam with joy and pride. 

Watching my little sister experience life and accomplish so many amazing things makes me happy!I mean how cute is she?!

Helping others improve their health and live more comfortable, enjoyable lives is fun to me. It fills my cup and makes me happy…. even on the hardest of days. 
I’m not sure if I ever really thought about or planned what life would look like post divorce. A lot more peaceful, yes. A lot less chaos & hurt – yes. But, the leading a household and doing the daily caretaking for the kids part I don’t think I really thought through, but the Lord has been so faithful and so good. 
I can truly say that I am content with life as it is. I am pleased with and grateful for where I am right now.  I am happy, my babies are happy…. Life is good. 

Am I overwhelmed with mom-ing? Yes. Daily. I never get a full 5-6 hours of sleep. My apartment is in a ‘real-life’ state at all times. You’re not welcome unless you’re totally okay and nonjudgmental about toys in every room, laundry on the couch, and Frozen on repeat. That’s just our life right now and I’m okay with it. I enjoy it. I can’t do everything everyday but I can do the important stuff daily. Hear that, mamas. Especially the single parenting ones. You can’t do the job of 2 people in every area every day.  Especially when your babies are young. Do the best you can and leave the rest for tomorrow. I promise  you they won’t need therapy because toys weren’t picked up every night. Everyone survives; I promise. 

If my happiness solely depended on what happening, things would be hard because everything changes. My happiness stands on a joy rooted in my faith. There is always a reason to be happy and joyful; the only thing that will motivate us to search for that joy and happiness is our faith that is overflowing with hope. 

Yes, sometimes things will go very wrong, but I promise that you can and will get through it. There is another side, there is life “after”……… you’ve just got to prepare yourself to endure and rely fully on the Lord. The trifecta will come. 

Matthew 11:28-30 

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

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Comments

  1. Absolutely beautiful, Alaina. Thanks so much for sharing; your transparency is inspiring!

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