… one stage down, too many more to go

sweet babies(Rhy is fine…. caught her in the middle of a head turn. lol. No babe was harmed during our morning picture taking sesh!)

My babies will be 3 months old in a matter of days…. and, I’m definitely emotional about it.

Yes, of course, they grow. It’s no surprise.
That shouldn’t be a cause for tears and sadness.
Or, extra snuggles.

But, it’s worth that and more.

If you’ve been around awhile, you may remember quite a bit of this….. but, honestly so much of it has been stuffed so deep, I choose not to go back there.

But, I can’t forget this, and THIS!!!!!!!, and this… and, sadly,  this.
….. and, the years worth of heartache and sadness that came before May 2014…
When I posted this then this…. then, ultimately, this after everything was confirmed.
What a month that was… It’s amazing how quickly (“quickly”) things can change.

littlebitsThe fact that my babies have grown out of their newborn clothes, clothes that were so baggy on them when they came home….
and, their 0-3 month clothes are getting snug.
Their first headbands are getting a bit tight.
Their first shoes have the teensiest room left in the foot.
4oz of milk is becoming quite the joke.

Babies I weren’t supposed to be able to have are here. They are thriving. They are growing so well.
These girls have the best personalities. One’s personality is gigantic and literally comedic. The other more laid back and serious. Her facial expressions and smiles are the sweetest because you know when she smiles, she means it.

I have a couple of sweet friends, specifically, who struggled with me through our experiences of infertility and loss. And, it’s beyond beautiful to see them preparing to welcome their sweet babies.

All mamas are crazy emotional about their babes. All mamas can’t believe they grow so fast and time races as quickly as it does. I’m not minimizing any mamas love for their child. But, as with anything else, when you struggle and struggle and lose and work so very hard for something you want from you core, there’s a different type of appreciation. A different type of emotion that wells up about everything.

shoesBecause it wasn’t supposed to be.
But, God’s plan turned out to be very different and much more amazing than what we could see.
It resounded louder than all that we’d heard.
It redeemed all of the pain we’d felt.

And, how can you not be emotional over such a miracle?

While I’m sad about what’s behind us, I’m so gun shy and timid about what’s in front of us. I almost separate their age/development in 3m intervals. Kinda like their clothes! lol.
While 0-3m was a learning curve for us, I’m somewhat looking forward to investing in more clothing/shoes for them. They have a couple of more pairs of shoes and NB headbands outside of what’s been pictured because I chose not to purchase so much when I knew they wouldn’t be going out much for most of that time span and also they grow so quickly. We didn’t wear a few NB items and a lot of their NB size clothes I was able to donate to another preemie mama friend. Which was really fun. The bonus, I still have another kid’s worth of clothes I will probably donate! Lol.
So, 3-6 months…. We’ll be able to wear spring/summer clothes & shoes which I’m really pumped about. I’m sure they’ll end up with much more clothes/shoes this time!! I’m also anticipating the developments that come with having two 3-6m olds! (I can’t believe I’m saying that!) I’m so ready to see how these girls interact with each other as they grow! Sitting up, crawling, little baby teeth, real food (!!!), more cooing/babbling, more twin interactions, more of everything.

I’ll definitely miss the newness of everything. Over the last couple of weeks, they’ve started to hold on to you when you hold them. They wrap their little baby arms around you while they hold their heads up and look around and it makes me melt. They aren’t limp newbies anymore who aren’t able to actively participate in their world. They are learning to effect and control. The first time they reach their arms out for me I’ll probably burst. I think the little “hugs”, responding to kisses & letting you know they want more,  along with both of them smiling consistently and responsively were my favorite parts of this last stage. Oh, and of course, sleeping longer through the night!

One thing I am a bit undecided about, but at the same time very excited to start in this new stage is feeding these babies real food! We tried giving them a bit of applesauce on a spoon and they totally aren’t ready for a spoon! I’ll give them another few weeks, then see where we are after that! We were gifted a Baby Bullet and I have a good friend who owns Southern Cadence Cuisine that has offered to help me with preparing natural, tasty foods for the girls! She offers lessons in preparing your cuties nutritious meals that are age appropriate. She starts at 5 months, so if your babe is nearing that age, definitely contact her and let her know you’re interested in Cooking for Cuties!! I’m going to start lessons soon so I’ll know what I’m doing when we’re ready for the girls to have food!! (If you visit, tell her Alaina sent you!)

These last three months flew by so insanely fast…….. Can’t wait for the next 3!



  1. WaitingonGod says

    Dear Alaina,

    I have come across so many blogs about fertility/infertility and none comes close to a mirror of my story as yours. It’ll be 3 years in June 2015 for us. Got married @ 26 years and 4months, I had everything planned out kind of like u did. I have been a christian all my life (raised in a christian home) and when I was diagnosed with PCOS, being a nurse I felt it was something I could always research and somehow we’ll be fine. I felt I knew enough to figure things out and looking back now, I had no clue what time was about to teach me.

    Over the last few years modern science, medicine, treatments, and statistics has failed us and here I am for the first time in my life depending wholeheartedly on God. I want this more for my husband than I want it for myself. I see the way his chest swells and his eyes light up when he sees kids. He LOVES kids, they are drawn to him where ever we go and he has been ready even before he ever dreamt of meeting me or making me his wife.

    I attend a church FULL of fresh babies, I have seen so many women have their 1st, 2nd and some 3rd child during this time. I hear mothers complain about having to wake up at 2am, hurting nipples, lack of sleep and the stress of motherhood. I switch on the TV and you see mothers strangling their children to death, flushing them the toilet and abandoning them on the street. I have people asking “when are you guys going to have children” and I have one response to everything… a smile.

    I am knowing God is a different way. His silence has thought be more than any word I have heard in the past. He has shown me that it’s not about what I want and he is not my task boy. He has given me a chance to re-evaluate the relationship I have with him, to look inside my heart for the things that need to changed about myself, most importantly to prepare me, to mold, shape, and burn the rough edges of my flesh. After all, what kind of mother would I be if God isn’t putting me through this experience.

    I love the name of your blog because for once I am unashamed of what I am growing through. I am waiting on God and just recently my husband said to me “We are going to trust God only”.. Nothing else. There is something different about me and I know that God is so marvellous that he sometimes puts us through some pain for someone else’s gain; that’s how much he loves us. This past weekend, I mediated on 2 corinthians 4 :17, Psalm 139 Vs 17, Romans 8:18 and for the first time ever in my almost 31 years on earth I can say it’s been good that God has allowed me to experience this pain. I have been humbled, I have been cut in pieces, and I am still being schooled by God.

    I read your latest post and you said it’s a different emotion you feel when you have worked hard, cried tears and felt pain on your way to reaching your dreams. Yes, it’s the truth. No body can ever feel the pain, not even the fragments if they haven’t experienced it before.

    Thank you for sharing your story, you have been a blessing to me. I looked at a few of your post and back in August 25 2011 @ 5:24pm.. u responded to someone’s comment saying: I believe God can create life without treatment. Let’s see.. it could happen. It’s March 16th 2015 and here you are… 2 beautiful, healthy babies, an amazing husband, and an incredible woman who is being used by God to touch so many lives. Here is some good news… you NEVER EVER IN YOUR LIFE have to wonder how God feels about you, how you’ll cope with anything, what’s going to happen tomorrow, if you are blessed or if you have been called to minister. The answer stares you in the face every waking day- your lovely littlings.

    Excuse my long post..

    Have a wonderful day and nothing but the best.

    Thank you again.

  2. It’s so true. I find it overwhelming sometimes to think about how much is already “done”, how far we’ve come already!! Like you said, it’s partly a normal byproduct of just being a mom, but then when you’ve had to struggle on top of that, the feelings become more intense and acute. Some days I have to work to remind myself that the sadness is normal, that everything is still so beautiful and that leaving things behind you is a sign of moving forward. There’s nothing I’ve found that’s quite as uniquely heartwrenching as motherhood!!

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