the giver

Have you ever received a “simple” gift from someone you were just completely in love with? That gift was cherished and honored simply for your love of the giver.
What about loving someone more because of the effort, time, thought, and creativity they put into an act of kindness, service, or gift for you? Your love for them swelled because you understood the gravity and magnitude of their thoughts toward you & how they motivated such selfless behavior.

It’s nearly impossible to not love and respect someone who feels so deeply for you.
(Of course, keeping in mind the consideration that they’re mentally stable and of sound mind! lol)

The more these little babes become real to me (read: cause my belly to swell), the more and more I honor and thank God for him just being who he is. Y’all….. These babies are my heart’s desire. I’ve wanted a large family, lots of children, multiples ever since I was a young child. And, even through difficulty, heartbreak, and time God proved to be and do just what he said that he would.

Although they weren’t planned or expected, these kiddos definitely weren’t random; they have been planned for for quite some time.
My brother in law and I were once talking about the sovereignty of God and he said that God moves “at just the right time…..” When giving good gifts or vindicating his children, his timing is perfect. It definitely doesn’t always seem that way, but when we have faith that God is good and that  all things work together for our good, how can we not have faith in God’s timing?

A provider. A comforter. A giver of good gifts. Kind. A hiding place. A source of strength. GOOD. Faithful. Loving. Patient. Ever present. Giver of peace.

With infertility, the ups and downs of that life literally steal the ability to live in excitement and expectation of anything but serious disappointment following a great upswing.

I know a lot of you are struggling with loss and heartache. I know how the roller coaster’s up’s get shorter and shorter while the downs  increasingly deepen. I know that you’re numbing. Crying. Hardening. You may be closing yourself off or self medicating in various ways to keep yourself going. I appreciate each of your emails and comments, I hope you believe that you don’t have to isolate. You aren’t broken. You aren’t any of the foolish things that the enemy tries to convince you that you are – alone being number one. 

Y’all we never lose the label of “infertile”. We can never fully get over the losses. We are forever a part of a group of women who are burdened deeply. But, at just the right time, God will give you a peace that you never thought possible. He will comfort you and give you an understanding of who He is and the purpose of your journey that makes it all worth it. We can walk and talk through all of it together.

Keep emailing. Keep talking about it. Continue building relationships!
Surround yourself with people who have been there,who know, who are in one way or another on the other side of this difficult battle. Who are supportive. It’s great to know you aren’t alone, but there’s a comfort that comes with feeling a part, understood, and supported.

Keep hoping. Keep waiting. Keep trusting.
Learn to accept and love the process – not because you will one day receive the desires of your heart, but because there is a benefit in what you’re going through. Because there is a God who you have the opportunity to get to know intimately. Because the struggle is for your good!

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Comments

  1. Shanika Henderson says:

    My brother in law and I were once talking about the sovereignty of God and he said that God moves “at just the right time…..” When giving good gifts or vindicating his children, his timing is perfect. It definitely doesn’t always seem that way, but when we have faith that God is good and that all things work together for our good, how can we not have faith in God’s timing?

    Amen.

  2. “but when we have faith that God is good and that all things work together for our good, how can we not have faith in God’s timing?”

    Your post is what I needed to read/hear right at this moment. I’m nearing 30 (bday in 2 months), very much single, and hugely desiring my own family. I’ve prayed (and cried) to God more often that I wish to admit because I feel that my prayers for a husband and children are me being selfish. And since it hasn’t happend for me, I think that maybe God’s will for my life is to remain single **sigh** I was just reading an article in Essence about a woman who froze her eggs at the age of 35 so that she may have children in the future when she is blessed to marry her life partner. Was just reading this and thinking that maybe I should ask my Gyne about freezing mines. I just began following your blog in a couple of months ago and often return to read your post for inspiration. Your story is so awesome and a testament to God’s faithfulness. I was just speaking with a co worker this morning about my concerns with fertility and spoke of your story. When you wrote that “It’s great to know you aren’t alone, but there’s a comfort that comes with feeling a part, understood, and supported.”, it reassured me that I’m not alone in this and that his timing is indeed perfect.

  3. You have such a way with words! I loooove your blog and have shared it and your testimony with many. I pray that all continues to be well! ♡

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