“do you feel fat?”

A couple of days ago, I surprised myself by fitting into a skirt that I thought was for sure clothing item of the past.

BUT, then…
it zipped.
And, I was thrilled.

The first few weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I talked a lot about clothes and I feared getting “fat”. I was used to being a certain size and didn’t want to ruin what I honestly didn’t have to work that hard for, knowing I should have been taking better care of my body. Dressing my growing belly into clothes that would help make me feel beautiful and cute even when I was “fat” was important to me.

So, now, as my clothes begin to fit a bit more snug and I need help zipping my dresses, my belly is apparently growing, and the need to finally purchase (gasp) maternity clothes makes itself more and more clear,  Thomas asks me, “Do you feel fat?” And, I say, “No.” and continue getting ready.

Weight has always been a big issue for me and to not equate weight gain to getting fat is kinda big.
So, I GET IT. Completely. I understand how a woman can struggle with the weight gain, the larger clothes, undies and bras, and all of the less than desirable changes that go along with pregnancy. Especially women who have been considered “small” and those considered “overweight”, gaining weight is the least exciting and one of the most stressful aspects of pregnancy.  No matter where we find ourselves on the scale or your size on the rack, no one wants to struggle with losing pregnancy weight and no one wants to be made to feel less than attractive during one of the most emotional times of their life.

But, guys… we aren’t fat.
We’re pregnant.

20140706-232029-84029487.jpg(Needless to say, I needed more than a little help zipping this dress up.
and, didn’t realize it looked so…. s t r e c h e d.
)
But, hey. I knew this day was coming and I enjoyed it thoroughly and even got a few compliments.
Welcome to retirement beautiful, emerald green dress. 

Right now, I’m glad that my growing belly makes me feel beautiful. Not fat. I emphasize now because I’m not completely obtuse to the fact that one day over the next (prayerfully) 26 weeks and (hopefully) 48 lbs., I may at some point use the f-word to describe how I see myself or feel.

But, I understand how we, how some woman can feel this way. I know that expanding waistlines can really mess with your psyche. How no longer being able to fit your old clothes along with the possibility of not being able to get back into them or your body never being quite the same can be scary. I know how when you don’t quite have a bump but a little fluff that kinda laps over your pants doesn’t look fabulous…. being stuck in this in between phase where you don’t fit in your old clothes and you’re too small to fit maternity clothes down right sucks.

Instead of feeling fat, I feel privileged. The fact that there are two sweet babes who are growing and developing, causing my waistline to expand is an honor. I’m so thankful. Knowing that there are groups of women who are desiring to expand their families but are having difficulties and experiencing losses, a group I was a part of for years, makes you want to take the less than glamorous aspect of pregnancy in stride. I never thought I’d be on the other side of infertility and I don’t want to  allow culture and social media and it’s unrealistic expectations and impossible realities (for me and my pregnancy) to dampen my views on such an amazing experience.

It’s frustrating to see and hear women who aren’t comfortable and confident in their pregnant bodies.
It’s upsetting to see women idolizing “tiny” 3rd trimester bumps as if large bumps aren’t just as sweet.
Mamas who’ve gained a bit more weight than expected, ones who waddle a little sooner, or have earned a few stretch marks shouldn’t feel less beautiful than the ones who’ve had an “easier” experience.

While our pregnancies may not look the way we imagined them to, while they vary from belly to belly, know that you are accomplishing a task that is denied to many. One that is beautiful and hard. Mind blowing and body strengthening.

One that requires you to do a bit of gaining for the benefit of your baby and that allows your body to do what it was made to do.

Work out, if you can…. I can’t. I literally need every calorie I can possibly spare. And, enjoy those (healthy/healthy-ish) snacks, which I will be! lol.

Post Jam: Capri by Colbie Callat

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Comments

  1. Trust me the whole feeling fat thing is hard to get used to. I was a workout queen! So the fact that I gained 40lbs and counting makes me feel….well not ecstatic, but I know it is all belly and baby, I recommend getting a belly band for those pants that wont zip anymore and also investing in nice flowy sun dresses a size larger. I can still fit most of my sun dresses that I purchased before I was pregnant. Maternity clothes are expensive!

    • Lol. I’ve tossed pants out of the window and pretty much only wear dresses and skirts. I’m sure once school starts & the weather begins to cool, I’ll invest in a few pairs of pants & jeans. And, as expensive as they are, I don’t mind buying new clothes. Even though this experience is only (hopefully) 9 months for me, I want to look & feel my best when I get dressed. I’ve found some really neat online shops, H&M has some uh-mazing items. I’m sure the weight gain will be a struggle at times, I’m just hoping my perspective stays positive and focused on the goal of two “twin big” babies who have little to no NICU time. And, a lot of that depends on weight gain and rest. I’m sure I’m going to have to come back to the thought “I’m not fat, I’m pregnant” many times before this pregnancy is over!! It’s a part of the territory. 🙂

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