three year wait

lola It literally blows my mind that I have been blogging about through our “Mayes expansion project” for three years now. THREE ENTIRE YEARS.

I remember so much about “the news” and what came soon after, but had forgotten so much as well.

This week, we’re having Field Day at school… Three years ago this time, I was recovering from my endoscopy and laparoscopy.

I’d just learned that I had so much scar tissue from my Stage 2 endometriosis covering one of my ovaries that it looked like a cast and enough covering my fallopian tubes to prevent them from doing their job.  There was nothing happening down there at all! I had scar tissue below my “hostile environment” of a uterus right above my pelvis. Yes, a hostile environment… that’s how the doctor (lovingly & kindly) described my situation. lol. And, gave us a 2-4% chance of getting pregnant on our own during any given month…. while most couples have a 20-25% chance. (Isn’t it crazy that there are so many people on this earth, so many of our friends pregnant with seemingly low odds??!) Most of those details I’d forgotten aside from where my scar tissue was. I also didn’t forget that the scar tissue would grow back and if we were to try again after some time, I’d have to have surgery again. Y a y.

I’d completely forgotten that Thomas was interested in adoption long before I was. I was selfishly focused on children that would be “mine”…. who would look like me…. who would sound like me. How funny is it that God opens your eyes and heart to the very things you balked at? Humbling, right?

I had no idea what I was in for when I titled this space Unashamed Growth…. I had no idea the insanely phenomenal women I would meet, the amazing opportunities that would come from such an idea that I wasn’t even sure about in the first place.
I had no idea how we would be shaped and reshaped over the course of the next few years.

But, I’m grateful.
I would have missed so much. I would have missed God in so many places, wouldn’t have seen Him ALIVE in so many people. I wouldn’t be who I am if it wasn’t for my inability to have my own children.

lola2I’m reading Nehemiah along a billion other women over at She Reads Truth…. and, last week we saw how we each have a work to do, a specific and very important job that is meant to benefit the body of Christ. No matter how seemingly small and insignificant; trusting & obeying God with your efforts, your motives, your passions, your everything will impact the community and will be for your good & God’s glory. We also saw how great a motivator and team player Nehemiah was. He was a leader that heard his people and responded. How many of us truly take time to hear our girlfriends and address their needs or ease their burdens when they need us to?

Small tokens of gratitude, words of encouragement, smiles, watching a friend’s kids while they have a nap or run to the grocery store without four or six other hands pulling at them or items off a shelf HELPS the body. It strengthens us. Those moments of love in action matter. We never know how the enormity of a word or action that feels or seems small to us, can change the trajectory of another person’s day – both good and bad.

This journey is painful, but humbling at the same time.
We’re hoping that this portion of our story will be over soon and that we’ll be growing and experiencing God in our roles as forever parents one day.

But, until then…. we’re content with where we are, learning more and more everyday that the grace of God is more than enough. That HE, alone, is what our hearts yearn for the most.

Thank you for standing in the yuck and pain with us. Your presence and words have mattered a great deal!

*** photo cred: Trent Williams of Memorable Reflections ***
He asked me to model Lola (my hair, yes. she has a name & an insta! – @lo.lah) for a natural hair project, Hair Like Mine, he’s working on for his magazine. I was pretty freaking excited to do this for him & can’t wait to see the finished product!!!

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Comments

  1. beautiful pictures, beautiful heart, beautiful friend!

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  1. […] Logistically, yes. lol. But, HOW……. I have no idea. If you read my 3-year- celebratory post you understand how slight the chances were of us getting pregnant on our own. Add to that we […]

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