encouragement for the waiting mama

For me and for many of you, this upcoming weekend is going to be difficult. If not for you, maybe for a friend or a sister, a coworker or an acquaintance. A Facebook friend or your neighbor. Hell, it could be the worst weekend ever for the girl you can’t stand. Bottom line, it’s going to suck for somebody that you more than likely know.

Whoever it is, however close or distant your relationship, this weekend will be brutal for many woman.

To you, the strong but weary waiting mama….. to the woman who is spent and unsure of where to go…. to the woman who’s new to our circle…… to the one who just lost their sweet babe, it will be hard but you will get through. 

I sincerely thought that this would be my first Mother’s Day…. I hadn’t quite begun to imagine how it would all work out (thankfully), but I knew it would be special. I knew that I was finally out of the “waiting” zone and ushered into this exquisite, highly exclusive you need to know somebody who knows somebody type establishment where women are showered for their very astute position in the world. {But, God saw different, and that’s okay.}

It’s the weekend that reminds you of who you are. Of where you stand. Of whatever the circumstance that puts you in the place of longing and waiting. The one that makes you want to stay in bed with the sheets over your head or on a running trail clocking miles, covered in sweat with every electronic powered OFF because every commercial, tv show, or movie will also be a reminder of the very thing you wish you could have.

It’s the weekend that can very well cause you to feel hopeless, disappointed, and just plain old down.

But, I don’t want you to feel that way. I don’t want you to isolate, I don’t want you to beat yourself up over something you can’t control, I don’t want you to allow the enemy, as clever as he is, to convince you that you are anywhere other than exactly where God placed you. You’re no less than anyone.

Instead, I’d like for you to be honest about how you feel and boldly stand by that truth. This holiday isn’t about us and shouldn’t be centered around our feelings, but I do believe that we need to be realistic about our emotional needs and take care of ourselves.

I’ve thought of a few ways I plan to enjoy this weekend, and I wanted to share them with you. Maybe you’ll pick up a few… maybe not. Either way, I’d love to hear how you plan to spend this weekend!

DISCLAIMER: Mother’s Day is huge to all mothers, especially our own. Got it …. And, I believe it is important to celebrate every mother in your life, there’s no real excuse not to. I do believe that how that is done is honestly between you and that specific mama. I believe there should be a mutual understanding of how important the holiday is for one, but how hard it is for another. I hope that during this weekend, if you are a mama and have friend struggling, that you will be so incredibly sensitive and understanding of how torn she probably is. There’s no doubt that she wants to be right there celebrating with you, but the other side of things, some events can be a little rough.

With that said…. here is my plan:

1. I’m more than likely 99.98% sure that I’m not going to church on Sunday…. nor will I be tuning into a streamed service. What I may do is listen to a Chuck Swindoll or Tony Evans podcast or a Nancy Leigh DuMoss podcast on some topic that is as far away from motherhood as the east is from the west. Or, read a book. Or, go for a run. I just may just get a little wild and crazy and do it all! Who knows!

2. Celebrate all the mamas in my life. I have some pretty spectacular mamas in my world and they deserve more than I could ever give. How I’m going to do that, I’m not sure! I haven’t bought any gifts yet but there will be something!

3. Take time for myself. This will be my Saturday solely for the purpose of gearing up for the celebrations. In an effort to be honest with myself, I know that I’m going to need some “me” time. I’m not going to pretend to be this super strong chick that can deal with the barrage of reminders unaffected. I’m for sure going to cry and be sad, and I need to make room for that.

4. I’m going to allow myself to receive encouragement. My sister has already warned me about a Mother’s Day card my nieces sent me because “[I] takes care of us when we’re visit in the summer… she needs one.” Okay. ehhhh. Cool. I know I have friends,  family, my people, who will lay on the love pretty thick and I’m going to bask in it. We need to feel that love and support. Embrace it. Embrace those who you “take care of” and make an effort not to push away people who love and lean on you for support. You are to them someone very special and if they want to celebrate you, don’t be a Grumpy Pants and miss the opportunity to be shown gratitude for who you are.

5. I am gonna pour this weary, broken heart out the Jesus, y’all. I know he’s sick of me. For the past week, I’ve truly struggled in my prayer life. I’ve had difficulty reading my Bible. Not because I love God any less or feel as if he’s left me….. but, I’m hurt. And, I’m guessing that just like it’s difficult to be around someone who has hurt you in your physical life, it can be the same way in our spiritual life. My music has sustained me and I’m beginning to truly worship again, praying more as the days pass. Clinging close…. Kinda like sitting side by side in silence, waiting for someone to break the ice first. lol. So silly, but real. And, I guess no matter how you argue the point, I’m pretty sure Jesus will win that one every time. lol

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from their trouble.”
Psalm 34:17

6. While I’m pouring out my heart, I’m going to be praying for perspective and joy. Not just for the day but through this experience. The “after”. I was considering today how I believe God’s grace to be sufficient but wonder what the result of that is. Living in grace we worship and thank God because of it. When we worship, our focus is put on Christ. {check.} but, when I struggle, when I’m sad, when the music and the scripture is there, but my heart just isn’t……. it can be difficult to truly be 100% okay with going through trials for the glory of God. Even Jesus wasn’t all the way cool with it. It’s hard and when my heart isn’t there I need perspective and I need to joyfully live in the truth of that Christ centered mindset. It’s an honor to be used by God to do hard things and share his word. It’s not always fun and it doesn’t always feel good, but to know that we are so unworthy of HIM, to be chosen to do a good work for him is humbling. I pray that my perspective is always rooted and centered around being here for Jesus, not only because of him.

7. You’ll also for sure find me sipping a whiskey sour and eating lots of processed, gluten filled foods. Salads covered in dressing, Chipotle and Chick-fil-a (surprise, surprise), and candy.

The motivation behind all of this? Remembering that:

1. Jesus sees me. He hears me. And, has a plan for me.
2. I can get through another Parent Day. The disappointment of Mother’s Day & the already mounting guilt of Father’s Day will not break me.
3. Yes, this sucks but one day…………
4. I am awesome…. even without a child.
5. It is definitely okay to cry.

Enjoy your weekend guys!! Have any other ideas about fun ways to spend the weekend?? Spillll! I wanna know!

…. here’s to being real. And, trusting Jesus with the what and when.

Post jam: Lord, I Need You by Matt Mahr

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Comments

  1. Omgosh! What happened? Where have I been? Last we spoke, you were getting a little girl. I need to read back in the blog. I missed a lot. My husband and I will definitely be keeping you and your DH in my prayers. And if you ask me, you’re as much a mom as the rest of us- you’ve been caring for a child, loving on her, so you’re a mama. Don’t let go of that precious baby or the memories that you’ve developed with her.

  2. Kassandra says:

    Ack! It’s as if you’ve seen into my very soul. I’m sitting at my mother-n-laws reading this, hiding behind the laptop from any awkward conversations. I went to church this morning-wish I could have skipped-and found my Pastor asking all the mother’s and those waiting to be mother’s to stand for prayer. EVERYONE knew I was not a mother and yet, I stood bawling my head for prayer. Oh the things we do! My heart goes out to you Blog friend and you and your hubby are seriously in our prayers. If I never get to meet you in person, know that you have helped me tremendously through this waiting. With Love, Kassandra

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