i believe

croppedI am a hopeless romantic. I believe in an Allie and Noah or  Rachel and Jacob kind of love…. I believe that there is good in everyone, that truly loving someone will bring out their absolute best. I believe that the sun, a 3mi run, perspective, good music, and a tight hug and snuggles heal. (Along with a glass of wine or whiskey sour and all of these items in various combinations.)

I love adoption stories and how sweet and redemptive they are in even the midst of pain and hurt. I love the healing God brings to these little ones and the love that knits these strangers together. They’re beautiful stories.

Our story hasn’t been easy and although no one’s adoption story is truly ever easy, I have yet to come across one as intense as ours. I chalk a lot of it up to my belief that everyone has good in them and that with lots  of love, patience, and commitment, that good will be drawn out. That sunshine and butterflies theory has brought us to our girl, but it has also put us in a very difficult position to have to fight not only for her but against so much wrong.

This week will be brutal for us. In a few days, we will be in court making an effort to have the truth heard. While our adoption is still pending, we have this issue to muddle through and we have no idea how the chips will fall.

Being a middle child, I feel that I have a knack for seeing both sides of a situation. I may not agree and be totally against one side, but I can understand and empathize deeply because of it. Which has a very steep and dangerous downside, so I’m trying to learn balance in this area. I believe people have a right to their children. That they have a choice in whether or not they will raise them. I believe that more than most issues can be resolved and compromises can be made that could benefit everyone, when done in the right way.

What we’re dealing with and have dealt with in the past isn’t right. And, that truly makes me sad. My heart is breaking for the unrest, the efforts, the deceit, and lies that are being told, I’m sad for the possible and unknown fall outs that are waiting when the truth truly is exposed on both our side and theirs, I’m sad that there is an innocent child put in the middle of chaos. It makes me sad for those who don’t know us yet are targeting us based on the untruths.

I believe that good will always prevail. That an ounce of truth will out weigh a the goal of a lie. I believe in the Devil and his evil just as much as I believe in God and his good. I believe God is very serious when he speaks about protecting His people and destroying their enemies. As awesome as that is when you’re on the right side, my heart breaks for the other side. I’m not sure that it should because they have a choice and God is very black and white, but how sad for them.
I mean, thinking about the Egyptian warriors who drowned in the Red Sea because they were doing their job but was led an evil, prideful, and hard hearted man… how sad for them. They had families, they I’m sure were kind people, but because they fell on the wrong side of the line they suffered.

Right now, I’m struggling deeply, but I know to whom I belong and the promises He has given me. I know that every single detail of my every day will come together for my good. That even the worst days, decisions, and outcomes can prepare me for more than I ever thought could be. That all of this will glorify God. So, I’m choosing to peacefully trust God with my struggles, my fears, and my heart.

I believe in happy endings. That the guy gets the girl. That the friendships are mended. That lessons are learned. Hearts are healed. Darkness gives way to light. That the truth will prevail. We’re praying that our girl will remain ours. And, that God will win over hearts and minds of those who truly need him.

I know you’re reeling and wanting to know the details of what going on and I don’t blame you. I’d want to know too, but please consider the sensitivity and difficulty of the situation. I’m trying to be as open and honest while respecting everyone involved.

But, if you wanna pray for us, please pray for the truth to come to the light, for God’s will to be done, for hearts to be softened towards him, and for us to continue to rest confidently in His peace.

Psalms 4:8
… in peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

I’ma lie down, walk, talk, eat, play, and live in His peace, but oh how you have to fully trust someone to sleep  peacefully in their presence.

 random fun fact… when I post, I’m sometimes listening to music or there’s on a song that’s heavy on my mind. I thought it would be cool to share the music I was listening to at the end of each post. Kinda like a soundtrack!

Post jam: I Breathe You In, God – Bryan and Katie Torwalt


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