… stuck

Grrr, you guys… these past two weeks have been a bit    s l o w.

I’m not sure of what to say or where to really go next….. For some reason, I’m nervous about sharing. There have been times when I’ve been a little gun shy but even in those times there was nothing inside of me that urged me to keep quiet.

However,
I feel that way now.

I have a few thoughts that I believe are pointing me to the truths about who I am, but honestly I don’t want to go to that space with myself, alone. It’s not always easy to be transparent – even with yourself- because it forces you to deal with your junk. Right now, light is shining quite brightly on my junk. All of it.

It’s funny how situations and circumstances show you a part of yourself that you feel has been dealt with…. or, you’re brought back to a place you thought you matured in.

Flesh and spirit.

Spiritual warfare going on within your own mind/soul is frustrating. It’s hard.

Yes, it’s a constant warring within yourself, but I don’t ever remember battling something that was so inconspicuous. Even to my own eye.

I know that it’s not “me” who will conquer my sinfulness – my selfish responses, my outbursts of anger, or my impatience. I can’t make myself  forgive in the same ways God does – I have to depend on God for the ability to do that, it goes directly against my nature.

My prayer is that while I struggle to give everything to God, I will constantly be reminded of why I even have the opportunity to go to God in the first place. The sins of another I’m struggling to forgive are no bigger than my own sins that were forgiven when Christ died because of me. For me.

My soul gets it. My want my flesh to grasp it, as well.
(Realizing that my flesh will never “get” it. Nor does it want to.)

I’m reading, loving, and being convicted by Romans 8.
I love that Christ is our advocate, our burden bearer, and one who our freedom rests in. I love that He gives us a new way of life… how He gives us a more peaceful way to live & the encouragement and strength to live such a life in Him.

This adoption process brings so much out of you – I am aggravated by it while needing & desiring the sifting process at the same time.

Less flesh, more spirit.
Less me, more Christ.
More faith.
Less resentment and anger, more forgiveness and grace.
More grace. More grace. More grace.

As I move out of this … place, I want to definitely send out loads and looooads of thank yous and hugs.Your support and love has been insane & I appreciate it more than you know.

Trust that we are fine. That things are falling into place. Hopefully, I’ll be more comfortable with sharing exactly how these little puzzle pieces are fitting together soon. 🙂

… here’s to the anchor, strong and secure.

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