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…. the second time around

Do you remember the lyrics to Full House’s theme song? One of the last verses was “…. We’ll make it be-tterrrrr. The second time around! (doo do doo do….) It’s a catchy song that makes you think that maybe when things don’t go incredibly right the first time, the second time (or, third.. Or fourth, for folks like me) will be better than the last. Maybe, THIS time! I’ll “get it” and this long awaited light bulb moment will change the course of a relationship for the better or will cause me to handle a certain situation differently. For the perfectionist in me, I don’t want to make ANY mistakes more than once… So you can understand how going through the gamut of the same issue or emotion over and over again can be incredibly frustrating just for the simple fact that I’m here AGAIN. Even if I’m a few steps ahead of where I ended last time…. I always wonder, “Why haven’t I gotten this yet?”

About a year ago, right before we began actively trying to get pregnant with treatments, I started working with the children’s praise dance team at our church. It was fantastic! I loved it – I enjoyed seeing these little girls interact, play, and learn these dances so quickly and so well! My God given gift is NOT dance or any form of movement that requires rhythm (outside of cheering), so I’m not one of the instructors. However, my God given gifts do include helping and “perfecting”, if I can claim that. So, I just assist the girls in learning motions, straightening lines, and making sure motions are as perfect as these little first thru first graders can get them. I’m also pretty good at getting the girls quiet.

One of my first dances I helped with was one they preformed at Easter. The next was for Mother’s Day. The Mother’s Day dance is one in which the dancer dances with her mom. I was the lucky stand in for the sweetest little girl in life and loved every minute of it – no rhythm, a mess up here and there, and all.

{{A little tidbit about me, I’m a “marker”. I subconsciously and often consciously “mark” milestones, beginnings, and happenings. Then, reminisce upon them at the appropriate time. Keep that in mind as I tell the next part of the story.}}

I attended the first practice I’ve been able to in quite a while and as I watching the girls practice, I noticed growth in quite a few of the dancers over the past year. I was so excited for them and proud to see how much more confident they are in their ability. They’ve grown. They’ve changed. They’re better.

Here I am…. approaching the anniversary of my first of many steps in becoming a mother by “any means necessary”… along with the soon approaching anniversary of me working with the praise dancers and THE holiday that could possibly require me to stand in again.

The only difference between my year is that the one thing I so desperately desired to change, has not. Now, I must say that a lot has changed! Thought processes, perspectives, and mindsets have changed that have allowed me to see grace and mercy in this season of my life. I can’t minimize that… Although I wouldn’t trade the time of growth and development, I wouldn’t be upset if things were a bit different.

My goal this year, this time around, is to continue to grow and develop. To become exactly what I need to become just at the right time. I just hope I’m positioning myself correctly to do just that, while avoiding re-do’s if at all possible. I’m definitely and actively trying. Because, we all know…. I’d hate to be in this same position again this time NEXT year. This statement refers to personal growth as I would hate to not be in the perfect place if and when the cause of growth is a little belly invader. Lol.

I am excited about “this time”…. With the girls, with life, and with all of the “again’s” that are bound to happen in the future. I’m learning to not fear the unknown. I’m learning to confidently look it square in the eyes and just wait. Wait to see. Without all of the anxiety and stress that comes from insecurity. It will be okay – no matter what the future holds. It. Is. Okay.

…. Here’s to approaching the future with a smile, dignity, and grace. 🙂
Afterall, what’s the alternative?


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