… mothers & daughters

Often when I sit down to blog, I’ve already thought out most of the theme, the pictures, the links. I just have to get it out. And, in true Alaina fashion – when I have an idea or when I feel a “nudge” – I go full speed ahead. Correcting and putting it all together as I go. And, it works. I’ve made some of my best decisions of my life when I’ve just trusted my gut and went for it. I’ve also made some of my worst decisions in the same manner but also when I’ve “waited it out”. I don’t like to wait. I’m not a fan of waiting for something I know in my heart I can do, accomplish, and what I know will be glorious for Him. However, I’m learning the blessing in waiting. I’m learning how in waiting there is a peace, planning time, and an excitment that builds and wells up inside of you for that perfect moment. I’m very much into instant gratification. If I see something I love – I love it, I will ALWAYS want it, and am always pleased with it. I’m committed to it and have no regrets. It’s the things I ponder over and question myself about that I know to stay away from. How this works for me – I have no idea. But, it does. And, I’m very thankful that I’m learning to trust my instincts more and more.
When I sat down to write this blog – I had the will to do it but not the want. I have the passion and intensity, little notes, but not the desire. For the first time, I understand when people say “I really don’t want to do this but I feel the Lord leading me…” which I always blew off and as false humility but when I say I don’t want to write about this topic – I DO NOT WANT TO WRITE ABOUT THIS TOPIC. AT. ALL.

But, here goes anyway.
Yesterday while I was at work with Thomas, his mom asked what I was doing… and, being the produtive worker that I am, I gave her my little report and said “Thomas is making me work…” or something like that. To which she (comically) responded in so many words: “Don’t ever let a man make you work.. you’re headed for trouble” then told a (comical) little story about how Thomas’ dad would respond when she would remark about not wanting to go in –> “Well, don’t go…” I laughed because Thomas is the exact opposite. If I’m dying from the Ibola virus Thomas will be like “I think you can come in, just take some medicine.” (slight exaggeration! lol) I’m not sure how serious she was but took her literally and used the excuse to work from home today! 🙂

I ended up listening to Revive Our Hearts on KHCB’s website. I used to listen all time but have sadly gotten out of the habit. I tuned in today, listened to three broadcasts straight and am challenged to share with you what I learned. In these broadcasts, Nancy Leigh DeMoss is talking with a mother and her two daughters about their ministry and how their relationship is based in transparency, and how that relationship has opened the door to teach modesty, morality, and purity.
These broadcasts touched my heart so deeply – both as a daughter and a hopeful mother. It spoke directly to personal struggles on different levels and gave insight on the “how” I’ve been looking for.

When Thomas and I talk about having children, my main focus is raising them in a Christian home with Christian parents who are intentional about teaching them about living a Christian life. I want our children to embrace and know the freedom in Christ, know Him as their Savior, and live their lives for Him. The struggle I have is “how?” The obvious answer would seem to be to lead by example and expose them to the Word and people who are rooted in the Word. But, it’s sooo much deeper than that. So much more intentional than reading Bible stories and teaching prayers alone. I believe that it has to come from a relationship with your child that is based in open communication rooted in trust, love, and forgiveness. You won’t be able to even bridge the age/generational gap between you and your child without a level of intimacy with them. There has to be a true relationship void of surface level conversations that blow off the seriousness of what’s going on in their world no matter who “trivial” they may seem in our own. So, my next question to Thomas would be “How do you form that relationship?” I have no idea. I didn’t have the relationship with my parents where we could sit down and talk about anything and have an open, transparent conversation. This broadcast helped to shed light on how to do that.
I am very much a “psuedo – perfectionist”. I say “psuedo” because there are just some things I could careless about but those that I am passtionate about – I want to get it perfect. A couple of those things are my roles as wife, hopeful mother, and Christian. I want to get it right. No mistakes. I want to see issues before they happen and respond appropriately everytime. Obviously, that is not going to happen as often as I’d like and I’m embracing the freedom in Christ that allows me to just trust Him to perfect all things in His time. So, I’m learning to give myself a pass while still working very hard.

There are a few women in my life who I absolutely LOVE. Love them for who they are, what they represent, and the success they’re having in raising their children and being honorable spouses. Imperfect Proverbs 31 women in rare form. As Single White Female as this sounds, I would love to follow them around, pick their brains, and just sit at their feet with a notepad and pen taking in as much as I can. These women will blow your mind and what I love most about them is that they are all so different in every aspect but they are all excellent, honorable women of God. These women are excellent role models for their children, especially their daughters, and how blessed their husbands and families are to have them in their lives.
I love and cherish their presence in my life is because of the importance in having a group (a village) of like minded women who desire and are determined to live their lives for Christ. I think this is missing in our lives and the lives of our children – having people surrounding us who are available for accountablity, leadership/support, and encouragement. It’s vital in the Body but it’s void is obvious.

One thing in particular the broadcast spoke on was purity. The guest was a mother with her two daughters speaking on how their transparent relationship has created a relationship that allows for “H.O.T” (honest, open, transparent) communication. The mother speaks about how being transparent with her husband and them together with their children has given them the ability to teach morality and modesty in a way that gives their children the confidence to come to them about anything they’re experiencing – they know their parents will understand. This transparency gives them perfect opportunties to teach and model how God responds to us – with forgiveness, grace, and acceptance no matter what we do… that it’s because of the “no matter what we do” that we need Christ to save us, cleanse us from sin, and be redeemed by His blood. They already know how their parents will respond to them and they are learning how to respond to others by following their parents’ examples of grace, acceptance, and love. They have the freedom with their parents, as we do in Christ, that allows them to go to their parents in confidence with complete honestly already knowing how they will be received!

The girls spoke so highly of their mother (as only expected when your mother is Prov. 31 in real life) and how she was their friend as well as their mother. I used to believe that your parents are your parents, there is a reason they aren’t your friends. But, I believe NOW that there is a different kind of friendship a mother should have with her daughters. The friendship shouldn’t be based in likeness of mind, maturity, and behavior. The friendship should be more Titus 2 based. The relationship between a Godly mother and daughter should be one similiar to mentor/mentee. A relationship where “the older is teaching the younger…” in every apect of life and that can only truly happen when there is a true bond relationship there. Not one in title but friendship between two people who respect each other and are willing to learn from one another. The daughters of the women I spoke about love being around their mothers. For the teenagers, there is the “Oh, mom…” thing that happens but there is a relationship there that’s effect is younger girls modeling themselves after their mothers. Girls who have great character, morals, wisdom, and a maturity and confidence that has come directly from their mothers. They want to spend time with their mothers – why? Because of the friendship between them and the deep desire to be like them – women of the faith who are raising a generation of girls who are severly impactful in the Body. They have raised/are raising their children to be joys. These children are disciplined and obedient who are full of personality with drive, goals, and are able to enjoy their lives in a way that is pleasing to God.
What I love and appreciate most about these mothers (and fathers) is that they have raised their children to be joys to others around them. They are respectful, obedient, and full of discipined personality. They aren’t like the wind – blowing this way and that.. they aren’t like (excuse the analogy) but caged animals set free in the wild who don’t know what to do, when to do it, how to start or how to stop. Self-discipline and obediance has taught them how to obey authority figures (who they see) and a God who they don’t see. They have taken these little people made in the likeness of God and presented them back to Him in a way that He will be able to use when He is ready. How perfectly that works out. We, as parents, obey God in raising our children in the way they should go so that they will obey us and be will able to obey Him for His glory in His time!

As a sidenote: I must say that these women are not boring, homely women who wear dresses to their feet – these women are exactly what Prov. 31 describes them as – women who other women look up to. They are leaders. Fashionistas. Take no non-sense type of women who are supportive and respectful of their husbands. They are funny, creative, joys to be around. They are gorgeous on the outside but have an inner beauty that draws you near to them – and as perfectly as God would have it, when you draw near to them you are able to learn so much about being a woman of God, good character, and high morals. So that you are able to do the same for the women that come behind you.

….. here’s to creating women who have a heart for God by example through intimate, inner personal relationships.
…. here’s to C. Calhoun, R. Latin, W. Burroughs, J. Chambers, I. Mayes, K. Francies, and the plethora of other women I know and adore who are blazing trails and truly leading a Titus 2/ Proverbs 31 lifestyle. You are so appreciated and necessary! I know you’re not perfect (our shared stories are HILARIOUS yet wonderful lessons) but you are exactly what your families (and I) need…… Love you!!
…. here’s to understanding our need for each other.

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