… on father’s day

To an infertile, days devoted to parenthood can be especially hard.

Hard because it’s a reminder of what you don’t and can’t have on your own, naturally, or at all. Hard because you actually desire and want to participate in the special day but can’t. Hard because days like this only bring attention to the ache in your heart and soul that you so desperately try to ignore.

I’m not quite sure how Thomas is affected by this….. Although, he pleasantly surprised me with a response I would have never expected to even cross his mind! It was the sweetest and I was just so beside myself. I had to have jumped up and down a million times – inner jumping, of course.

It bothers me almost for him, because he’s such an excellent caretaker and Uncle. An authoratative disciplinarian who shows love with every conversation and “laying of the rod” that I’ve never seen. A fun loving adult who plays like a carefree kiddo who is endless entertainment when we have our nieces.

SUPER SWEET STORY #1: Both he and I had to lay the rod a couple of days ago but I was the only one who forgot to give a hug, snuggle, and chat afterwards. After my spanking that night while Aliya was bathing, she says, “Uncle T gives me a hug after a spanking.” To which I respond, “Yup. That’s because he loves you!” THEN… She says, “Well, you didn’t. That means you don’t love me.” As much as I appreciated her thought processes and understanding of “if and then” statements, I was a little hurt! I assured her that I still loved her but forgot about her hugs and loved her so much!

SUPER SWEET STORY #2: We were driving to lunch today and Aliya says, “Happy Father’s Day!!! You’re like a father because you have a lot of nieces!” Sweet comment complete with a high five!

He’s an excellent role model and a fantastic thinker – sometimes, I look at him and fear what his child, his little boy will be like…… I’m quite SURE I’ll be out thought by the smallest, most arrogant thinker ever! He’ll be a force to be reckoned with as soon as he learns to talk! I fear for his teachers – he’ll be the one making sure the teacher knows what HE knows and what s/he’s supposed to know!

He has these amazing conversations about God and Christianity that blow me away. With my niece. My little sister. Myself. I can’t imagine how amazing our children will be and how they will impact this world knowing who they are in Christ and the role they play in the Body and the world.

He’s fun. He’s the one that plays hide and seek in the house and doesn’t stress over toys all over the place. That has splashing wars in the pool, teaches them to swim, and does cannonballs to make them laugh. He lets the girls drink their milk out of their cereal bowls (something I had NO idea Ariana could do)…. Something I did but am terrified of the mess! I’m thankful I came in at the tail end of the cereal eating for lunch!! Oh. And, he lets them eat cereal for lunch. He allows the girls to stay up as late as they can on Friday nights and makes breakfast early Saturday morning. He willingly changes the channel to Disney and laughs at the funny parts. And, he talks to stuffed animals voiced by Aliya. LOL.

Thomas is going to be a fantastic dad and I’m anxious to give him the opportunity to do all of these amazing things for his own.

I’m proud of the man he is. I’m already proud of the man he will become. The father he will be. I’m anxious to see gentleness and pride exude as he becomes pure puddy because of a little person’s tiny-ness and sweetness.

…. here’s to my husband who is amazing. To my unborn who will have a more than excellent father who be both fun and firm. To gratitude that overflows as you realize exactly what you have and the potential of what’s to come.

I love you, Mayes. You’re going to be nothing short of amazing. I pray that you’ll have the opportunity to impact our future, our community, our world with your personality, character, and just YOU!!




  1. This was so sweet, I always enjoy reading your blogs. Looking forward to the one where your picture is of a positive pregnancy test!

  2. This is a beautiful post. What courage you have to be so candid about your feelings, particularly in time of trial. Thank you for being a light.


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