… as if it matters

I can think of a million reasons why we need this.

Why we deserve this.

Why THIS time should be it.

As if it matters.

As if my FEELINGS can change reality.

As if what I think truly matters.

The fact of the matter is – it doesn’t. My feelings or thoughts don’t change God’s plan.

The fact that I think I’m deserving, I’ve worked so hard, I’ve been patient, I’ve prayed, I’ve had faith, I’ve been consistent, I’ve grown, etc, etc does not change a thing at all.

If there is any possible way to not be expectant while still being hopeful – that’s where I am right now.

Preparing for the worst while hoping for the best.

I’m waiting. I’m 6dpiui (6 days past IUI) and just waiting. Truly not driving myself crazy. Just patiently waiting. I think I’ve been jaded, I’m unphased by so much while still noticing little things. Always on the fence. Not quite wanting to settle on one side or the other. So, I just wait. Patiently.

… here’s to having a Plan A and B, here’s to getting over it, and just being okay with what is.







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