… oh it’s not so bad

Posted on May 22, 2013 by

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Ya know……. It’s not that bad. Life.

Yes, we struggle and we go through the most painful experiences, we’re hit with the hardest of hard times.

And, honestly. Sometimes it is that bad. Sometimes, it just plain stinks.

But, if we keep trusting and keep moving, we see that there is always another side to the pain and heartbreak.

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If we bind our hearts to his.
If we never give up hope.
If we get up after we’ve fallen.
If we focus on people and other things besides ourselves.
If we serve.
And, pray.
And, read.
And, commit to enduring and persevering.

Life will move on.

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If we don’t remain stuck in the past.
Harbor negative emotions, feelings, memories, regrets.
If we allow forgiveness to free us.
By forgiving ourselves and others.

We can move on right along with it.

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We just have to move.
We have to trust that God has much better plans.
Believe that He will never leave us nor forsake us.
Know that all things work together for good. (Even when we get ourselves in messes!)
Know that our God is a redeemer.
That our Lord can make something beautiful of the ashes.
That His grace abounds.
His mercies are new.
And, that His love is everlasting.

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With Christ all things are possible.
We can overcome any situation or painful situation.

We just have to trust and have faith. Seek God.
And, allow ourselves to see His hands moving on our behalf.

He is able to abundantly more than we can ask or think!
But, while we wait….. He’s given is gifts and talents that we are to use to further his kingdom.
To declare His goodness and His glory. To use to encourage, support, and love on His people.

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Our God really is good.

… Here’s to trusting that what He says is true and embracing the situations He puts is in to teach that!

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… hi

Posted on May 21, 2013 by

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hi, my name is Alaina Mayes and I am not perfect.

I have flaws and blemishes…. Imperfections and issues….. And, marks and scars that make up who I am.

Good. Bad. And, indifferent.

Thankfully, there is MAC & the Lamb who have the ability to cover all things and present a more beautiful me.

With time. Patience. Work. Practice. Forgiveness. Bumps. Missteps. Endurance.

Thank God for them both for without them where would I be. Lol.

Last week, I was challenged with not wearing makeup. The belief is that women wear make up to boost self confidence. Which, as much as I can agree with that on certain levels, I can’t say can be used as a blanket statement applicable to every women.

Some women aren’t really into make up but feel “complete” when they’re dressed a certain way. Some women feel more confident in workout clothes and Nikes others.
The things that make us feel confident are just as unique as we are.

I think anyway.

I ended up taking the challenge because I wanted to prove that although I don’t wear make up to feel more confident (anymore… I resolved that issue last year!!), I do feel more presentable with it on. So, I didn’t wear make up for a few days. But, ended up quitting early I refused to go out to dinner with my girlfriends looking half ready.

I mean, who puts effort into getting ready and doing their hair & then not put on any make up?!?!

The answer: women who don’t wear make up. That is not me!

Well. I WOULDN’T do it. So I quit. Lol.
Whatever. Lol.

I have however, slowed down. I don’t wear make up to work anymore. My kids have adjusted to the fresh face and a jolt or two and only comment on how I look tired. Which is way better than the “Hi, Mrs. Mayes……… Um, what happened to your face?!” Poor kiddos were used to brows, eyeliner, mascara, and powder. Lol.

No big.

And, oh the Lamb.
I’m thankful for a husband who is mature. Who has a wide perspective. Who is slow to everything that causes problems. He is slow to speak, slow to anger, slow to act, slow to fuss. He is patient and endures the most.

It always makes me laugh when I understand his perspective in action a day or two after I “get” it in conversation. I’ll hear myself repeating the truths he spoke days before and appreciating his views that much more.

Learning from how he accepts criticism and is so s l o w has taught me to mash my brakes much more often in some areas while forging full speed ahead in others.

Be quick to listen and hear but slow to respond.
Quick to see the other perspective but slow to defend your own.
Quick to shush.
Quick to understand.
Quick to respond with patience.
Quick to wait and allow things to unfold. (That one took some time. How do you hurry to wait? Lol)
Quick to recognize and prioritize what’s important and what’s not important. (Esp when dealing with people… What is necessary to respond to and what is best to just leave alone…. And wait to unfold.)
And, more than anything – be quick to forgive yourself.

Posted in about me, aha!, awareness, coming out, fertility, friends, Generals, growth, hope, husbands, infertility, marriage, scripture, the plan, what I love | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

… 9 and 1

Posted on May 20, 2013 by

9 days and 1 holiday left.
countdownAnd, I am beyond happy. Far beyond.

The last few weeks of school are always hectic for me because I always wait until the absolute last minute to complete gifts for my cheerleaders and students.

And, during every project I tell Thomas “Next time, I’m starting earlier…” And, I’m right there again, making those same promises during the next midnight hour paint sesh. lol.

One year, I literally stayed up all night completing gifts. No sleep. Not a wink. But, the gifts were cute which is really all that matters in the end. Right?

The thing that makes these gifts so time consuming is that I love personalization. So, I make personalized gifts for each kid. Initials, names, monograms, etc. It’s all personalized to the kiddo.

Again, time consuming but because I have my priorities all in order, it makes the lack of sleep and complete social life shutdown  worthwhile. Right?

So you would think that 9 days before school let out, I would know exactly what I doing for my students. I have no clue. Not an inkling.
These gifts are from a couple of years ago and they are my absolute favorite student gifts in the world….
lettersalvin12Absolute. Fav.
Sooooo……. we’ll see what I can come up with by Friday. {{pressure}}

I also make my cheerleaders personalized gifts…..
This is what they received this year! I think this may be one of my favorite gifts for them so far.
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These were the girls’ basketball gifts for this year that I also painted…..
When I tell you I literally prayed over these gifts, I’m serious!
There was absolutely a bow your head – prayer hands situation that happened before I started drawing these lines. I was so nervous!
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But, I think they turned out really well and I’m really excited about them.

I’m almost out of the woods with gifts… I’m nearing the end of the road……. I just need to get this last gift idea done!
These gifts will be given out on the last day of school… so once these gifts are DONE… so is the school year….

And,
summer can’t come fast enough.

I only have ONE summer goal (so far)…….
A GARDEN!!!!!

 AS SOON as school lets out, I’m scouring Garden Ridge and wherever you go to buy plants and cute gardening gloves and tools. I’m even going all out with season/holiday themed garden accessories and those little stone frogs from Hobby Lobby. I’ve never gardened before, but I’m ready for the challenge that I’m sure it will bring.

I am so excited and Thomas is already exhausted. lol….. I know I wear him out with all of my ideas and tasks but he’s so supportive and lets my little creativity flow in whichever way it takes me, which I appreciate so much!!!

I’m excited. It should be fun.

…. here’s to 9 days of school left and new challenges!!!!

name

 

Posted in about me, arts & crafts, school, summer, the plan, what I love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

… getaway

Posted on May 11, 2013 by

I got away this weekend.

Not too far, nothing extravagant or incredibly fancy. Just a little getaway to relax, unwind, & celebrate.

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Austin, Texas.
Our capital. A city of great music, amazing food and local restaurants, and a ton of fun. A hop, skip, jump away from Houston.

Perfect timing. It’s Mother’s Day weekend and I’m walking a tight rope this year.

The original purpose of the trip is to celebrate one of my college friend’s 30th birthday. This little lady is the bomb-dot-com; she’s a fighter and she has the sweetest spirit that is so contagious and inspiring.
And, she deserves to be celebrated. I will support this gal as much as I can, as often as I can, until I can’t.
She’s fought and survived breast cancer…. She’s living cancer survivor who is so selfless & and kind.

So, I’m literally headed to celebrate this very moment.

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{{buckle up, sweethearts. Safety first!!}}

The upside to this amazing visit is that it’s during Mother’s Day weekend….. We will be home tomorrow to spend time with family, but I definitely need/appreciate this time away.

I was going over how I was feeling and motives for the temptations to delve into a few addictions of mine (spending and sugar), when I realized that for the first time I felt foolish. I felt so silly & immature for having feelings of sadness & disappointment of not being able to participate in such an honorable holiday.

For a brief second……. These questions & statements permeated my thoughts: How could you be selfish and sad enough to be glad about going away during such a holiday? You are self absorbed. There are people to be celebrated and you run away. You are ditching church as if your feelings are a justifiable reason to not worship with the Body.

But then, I thought…. “Yea, maybe” and kept packing my bag.

This weekend, I am okay with that.

I’m okay with privately and from a distance honoring my friends who are enjoying the first Mother’s Day. I will celebrate with my mother, mother in law, & sister in law tomorrow. We’ll take pictures and eat and celebrate. There will be time spent.

It will be difficult. I will more than likely let go of tears that I have worked so hard to hold back on the way home. Because it all just hurts so badly.

I will cry not tears of defeat or hopelessness but of disappointment and sadness. Pain and acknowledgement.

It’s a day where you are bombarded with confirmation of who and what you are not… You are reminded of why. For me it’a painful endo, for others it’s secondary infertility, or PCOS, or ____. Issues that are out of your control but control your life. Maybe the confusion and emptiness of not knowing why. Or, when. Or, how.

The sadness and pain of miscarriages, failed matches, and deaths. Reliving those moments, trying to ignore the “but, if I had just….” Or “what if’s”.

This day brings the acknowledgement that although its not this year, maybe the next. Or, maybe not at all. Or, again.

The acknowledgement that, yes…. I have not been able to have my own babies but my God is working something out. He is binding my heart to His, He is depositing His dreams and desires for me into my heart, presenting me with opportunities to share and do.

He is developing passions and allowing me to live out my purpose.

He is refining and perfecting me.

Today, I saw the why’s behind the motives that were pushing me toward shopping and cupcakes…. Things that aren’t bad in and of themselves but incredibly dangerous when I lean on them for comfort and solace over my Lord.

Before leaving for Austin, we went to the Galleria to have my watch fixed & shoe shop for Thomas & I both.

Thomas found some really nice shoes and I prayed that I wouldn’t be able to find any.

I could have sought comfort in the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, and bought shoes. It is possible. But, for me, at that time – I wouldn’t have been focused on God but my new shoes. Thinking about when I would wear them with what, creating outfits in my mind, and marveling at their perfectness.

Thank God, my prayers were answered.
Maybe, I’ll find some shoes next week. Lol.

This weekend is an opportunity to get away and focus on God.
To remind myself that even though I’m on the outside looking in, but, it’s a time of preparation. A time of growth. Moments of drawing near to the heart of my Father.
A weekend of enjoyment and celebration…… Amazing weather and friends.

I thank God for this time…. The ability to get away. Friends inviting us to celebrate.

In time, these moments will be but memories and testimonies to the goodness of our God.

Moments of humility that remind me of what used to not be, moments that will remind me to rejoice and bask in a dirty diaper to change and a little one to rock well into the night.

Until then……. We hit the road.

…. Here’s to perspective and goodness and time.

Alaina.

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… promises kept

Posted on May 7, 2013 by

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I ran across this quote on Facebook this morning and have thought about it all day. The truths and promises referred to in this one little quote served as an amazing reminder and has definitely been a source of comfort.

Facebook is known for being a place to announce and update. I’ve noticed that there always seem to be announcement spikes…… Surges of “I’m pregnant!!!”, “I’m engaged!!”, or “Here is baby!!!” announcements seem to come all at once.

This time last year and the year before, these pregnancy/baby announcements would have sent me reeling; there would have been tears that flowed in darkness and an anger and bitterness towards God and myself and my situation that wouldn’t allow me to see that God was with me. That He loved me. That He heard and saw me.

I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t see God.
And, today……. That breaks my heart.

We decided to adopt in December and started moving towards that goal in January. Everything we planned for the year was/is now up in the air because we just don’t know when or where or how things are going to pan out.

But, there was one thing I (thought) I knew.

Mother’s Day is coming up and for the first time in years, I thought that this time, it would feel so much better than before. I thought that this would be the year it wouldn’t hurt…. That this would be the year I wouldn’t cry……. This year, I was on my way to being a mama so everything would be alright.

How wrong I was.

A few weeks after we decided to adopt, we were offered a little girl…. A week or so before she was born, the family changed their mind.
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We delayed joining an agency for that little one, which set us back a month…. Then the agency set us back two….. And, here we are – apart of an agency and completing our tasks so that we’ll be presentation ready.

But, life still stings. Life is a constant reminder of what cannot and is not happening. What hasn’t happened. A picture of what won’t be experienced or felt or ever understood. I’ll constantly have questions that have answers but can’t ever truly be answered – the true depths of those answers, I’m guessing, can only be felt.

But, even with the hardships and pains of life, God has made us promises that supersede any disappointment or sadness we will ever experience here on this Earth.

Yes. The pain, frustrations, and difficulties are real. They are present. But, so are God’s promises. So is His love for you and for me. And, so is His presence.

He told us this life would be difficult. He didn’t hide that from us, He didn’t call us to be His and then hoodwink us with “Oh, by the way…. Life is going to be pretty dang on hard sometimes for ya, but you’ll get trough it!” with a pat on the back and a hearty “But, I’ll be with you!” and a smile.

He knew. He understood. He forewarned but He also promised us what He was promised by His Father.
He told us that He would never leave us nor forsake us (Hewbrews 13:5). He tells us to be content with what we have, for He is with us. Content with what we have, where He has placed us, and burdens He has given us to bear. He knew it would be hard so He gave us a Comforter and promised us comfort, encouraging all who were weary and tired to draw near to Him, because He would give us rest (Matt. 11:28). It’s hard to find rest – physically, emotionally, and spiritually – when you’re caught up in what is going on around you. It’s difficult enough to escape those things and focus on anything else. Oh, but when we seek God. Seek His face. Trust in His word and lay at His feet our burdens and broken hearts, the work that He does in us and the relief that trust and believing in Him provides is beautiful. This rest is calming and peaceful. His yoke is truly easy and light. He will give you (your weary heart and broken soul) rest (Matt. 11:28-30). We can trust that He cares for us. Our Lord and Savior died for us- He loves us and cares about everything we endure for His sake. He knows His plan for us. He has a plan for us. And, that is comforting for a planner like me. There’s nothing like feeling as if there is no agenda and we’re just here because, going through these difficulties only to switch focuses a few weeks later.

This quote reminds me that I have a purpose and so does in infertility. And, so does enduring the “man-ness” of my husband, my little Martian who tries, with honor and respect. The heartbreaks and aches have purpose and behind them the promises that they will all work together for my good and His glory. (Romans 8:28…. Don’t ya just love Romans from the beginning to the end?! How great is our God!!!!! I love it! Lol)

Yes, there are pains. We will endure struggles. We will experience both good and bad. We will be tempted and tried. We will have hard times.

But, our focus isn’t this life. As believers, we know/believe/trust that this life and all of its crap is just temporary. Everything in and of it. The earth itself will pass away. It will be done away with. But, what is true. What is lasting. What is forever is our God, His presence, His love for us, eternity, our relationship with Him, our lives.

And, it will not be until we get to that point where we can enjoy the fullness of God and all that He is. We may not see all of His promises until then. We may not be healed or given what we asked for until then, but we have the faith that it will happen.

Yes, I may have to wait. Yes, I may cry and experience pains that run deep to my soul. But,there is comfort in the shadow of His wings, we are safe in His arms, and a purpose to be filled.

And, if have to do and be and experience all that I am in order to experience that, then I can go on.

I used to think that God’s hand was truly on the ones who prospered and had an easy life…… That some of us were just meant to struggle and maybe weren’t as near to God. But, oh how that’s changed.

I still believe that some of us were meant to endure more than others for the sake of the sake of the Kingdom but the level of struggle or ease will never equate to the presence of God. There is no inverse or direct relationship there. God is with us all, He sees us all. And, loves us all just the same.

What freedom and comfort I found in that truth – that God doesn’t love me any more or any less than the one whose life just seems to go just so. His purpose for them is different. At this time in their lives. Only He knows what his around the corner or what has already been endured.

The grace of God is sufficient. His love unending. His comforts second to none. There is none like Him.

… Here’s to praising God in the good & bad, trusting & believing in His promises, and taking refuge in His shadows – burdens lifted and laid at the foot of the cross.

Posted in adoption, aha!, coming out, education, faith, fertility, friends, growth, holidays, hope, husbands, infertility, marriage, scripture, the plan, what I love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

… it’s happening

Posted on May 5, 2013 by

As excited as I am about welcoming a little person into our lives and home, I am a bit freaked out.

We are ticking items off of our agency’s home study checklist, selecting a home study agency tomorrow, and completing our Adoptive Family Profile (APQ) later this week.

I really think it’s the APQ that has my heart quivering. How we answer these questions determines which families we’re presented to.

I absolutely believe that if we answer questions as truthfully and realistically as we can, we’ll be okay.

God will bring us and our birth family together anyway, so it’s okay!

But, still……….. I’m nervous. I’m sure that if I had an idea of what would be asked, I’d feel much better. But, for now, the planner in me needs to know!! I need time to think and pray and mull over these questions! :/

Everything is becoming so real. So fast.

Now.

We still have a few Large, XL – 3XL shirts left! If you’d like to support us and order one, go to our TAKE A BITE tab and click on the PayPal link! Be sure to leave your size & address in the info box!

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And, we have bands to give away, too!!

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They’re pretty cool and I love them to death! But, I’d like to see them on YOU and not used as decoration filling a vase on my end tables!! (It really was a cool idea, hubs….. Our friends just come over and take what they need! Lol)

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So, if you’d like a band, email me at unashamedgrowth@gmail.com with the number of bands you’d like and your address!!

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That’s pretty much all we have left and we’ve been getting pretty large bulk requests, so if you want a few don’t sit on your request! Lol.

We’re almost there. Once all of this legal business is finished and our videos are complete, we will be active and all we’ll have to do is wait to be selected.

Be still, my heart.
I have learned to trust God like no other. I KNOW that my Father sees me.
I love how the Bible is full of encouragement and tells us how our stories will end.

Psalm 143:1
He hears my prayers, listens to my cries, & His faithfulness and righteousness comes to my relief.

Oh, yes, he does. Oh, yes, He will.
Soon, I will be speaking of that scripture in the past tense.

I know we serve an excellent God more glorious than we can even imagine. I am so grateful for this time, for being drawn near to Him. For being chosen & allowed in His presence. He is good.

I’m so grateful.

I’m not sure I’d love Him this much if I hadn’t been infertile, if He hadn’t turned my heart towards adoption.

…. Here’s to being grateful for making it through valleys and deserts in order appreciate and know the warmth and fullness of God’s love.

Posted in adoption, faith, fertility, fundraising, growth, hope, husbands, infertility, scripture | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

… sisters {{by the blood}}

Posted on May 3, 2013 by

I’m a junkie with an addictive personality.

I mean, when I love something, I love it. Period. End of story. I’m hooked.

And, I hooked on social media. Mainly Instagram. {{@amayes}}

It was on Instagram that I met my friend and who I call my sister, Wynne. She is a fellow adoptive mama who is doing major, major work for God! She has been so helpful in my adoptive journey and we’ve had some really neat {{read personal}} chats by e-mail! lol. We’re sisters by the blood of the Lamb. I’m grateful for her and everything she is doing to lift and encourage others to use their passions to serve God and step out on faith to do what God is leading you to do.

One of the ways she encourages other believers has been through the “Anybody” series on her blog.
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                                          {{picture from Wynne’s blog}}

This series is remarkable. It basically tells the story of people all over the world who are impacting their little corners of the Earth {{and beyond}} for God in ways they themselves never imagined. I have enjoyed reading these stories and go back to some over and and over again to read how God is moving through His people to love on others and spread the Gospel. A whole lotta passion and a little bit of faith mixed in with crazy courage makes for endless possibilities with God!!! :)

And, guess what?anybody name

{{picture from Wynne’s blog}}

Yup, that’s right… and, humbling, shocking, thrilling, and everything else. I’m honored and I thank God for giving me the opportunity to be featured as an Anybody Story.

So!!!! PUH-LEASE!!!! Take some a second to check out her blog – these “Anybody” stories are inspiring and impressive to say the least!!! Go read about what she’s up to and how she’s lives her life out loud for our God.

THEN…
THEN…
THEN…

Scroll down a bit, then a little bit more to drool and fall in love with her little Ethiopian beauties Camp and Asher! These little ones are GORGEOUS and I have loved watching them grow (via Instagram, of course!!)! Y’all, they are so cute!

Wynne is heading back to Africa this summer with Man Up and Go missions to love on orphans and share some Christ love in Ethiopia & Uganda! Wynne and her friend, Jenna, have combined their creative minds to raise money for their trip in some pretty spectaular ways!

One of the ways they are raising money is through selling t-shirts! I love these shirts and ordered one myself and Thomas! Being the t-shirt kinda gal that I am – I endorse them and back their cuteness all the way! shine onI know everyone isn’t led to do what others are… we are all apart of one body with various abilities and passions to do different things to impact the kingdom. Now, if going isn’t your passion, hopefully helping and supporting other members of the body get there is! Go >>> HERE<<< to purchase man, woman, and child size shirts for an amazing cause! Shirts are $22 and $11 goes directly towards Wynne and Jenna’s mission trip!

{{And, YES! that is an Instagram pic!!}}
lol…. I promise to swing back over to my DLSR very soon…. if not by choice, by force as I have already {{excitedly}} vented and fussed about! lol.

Hope you guys enjoy your Friday and upcoming weekend!!!

It’s slated to be a beautiful (yet COLD!!!!) weekend here… so I’ll be bundled up as I bounce from here to there!

…. here’s to supporting others who serve, impact, and do to glorify God!!

name

Posted in adoption, awareness, faith, fertility, friends, fundraising, growth, hope, husbands, infertility, summer, travel, what I love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment