…. hey October!

Whew!! It’s October, y’all, and I’m sorry but that’s insane. The summer is GONE (although the heat has stayed) and it’s all downhill from here. A fun downhil, but we’re literally walking up towards the porch getting ready to knock on 2017’s door. Nuts. 

That also means I’m weeks away from having two two year olds. Which is equally as nuts as the year coming to an end!
… and, because these sweet girls turned 22 months today, we stopped to get ice cream after school!They’ve had maybe a spoon of Haagen Dazs before but they’ve never really had ice cream like this before!! So it was pretty exciting!  We shared a small cup of Birthday Cake with sprinkles & they loved it!! No major messes or anything! Praise hands!
They have grown up so much since starting school over the summer and their maturation has been a major blessing to me! They’re a little behind on their speech (being a preemie + a multiple wasn’t in their favor in this area!) but over the past week or so the words & little phrases have been flowing! It’s so surprising and so sweet to hear their little voices repeating & communicating. Since we’re friends here & this is a safe space…….. I was so upset and disappointed about them not talking sooner. (On the flip side, they absolutely dance like no one is watching!) But! I’m learning so well that everything is a process. Just because it doesn’t happen today, doesn’t mean it isn’t going to happen. There are just a few things that need to happen first! When we’re patient and grateful for what is, it can be a lot easier to endure the wait! 
Today, I was chatting with a co-worker about motherhood, our children’s personalities & raising them according to their bent, relationships, & just mama stuff right? We talked about the importance of building relationships inside your home. Intentionally creating space to learn about & enjoy each other, to laugh & experience life together…… y’all, just because you live in a house with someone doesn’t mean you have a relationship with them. That has to be fostered and it’s our job as parents to equip our kiddos with the skills necessary to function productively and well in life. One of those skills sets is relating welL to others. My girls only have each other, it’s not written in stone that they’ll be besties after they’re no longer forced to see each other or talk to each other daily. It’s my job to teach them to be the type of person another would enjoy. Not everyone, just most. Be kind, patient, enduring, forgiving, loyal… how to be a friend. How to celebrate others, support others, and others. All that …. and more is taught to our kiddos by how we treat them, how we teach them to treat others, & how we teach them be treated annnnnd how they see us being treated. So many variables. But, it’s worth it! Convo was goood for this mama heart! 
Oh! All that to mention how I’m going to be intentional about doing something weekly with my girls that’s out of the norm. A couple of weeks ago, we went to the park on a weekday. (Gasp!) first, I thought it would be the worst experience in all of my motherhood-ing & 2nd I had isht to do. Literally it was a sacrifice for me but they had so much fun, we spent quality time & it broke up the monotony of the week. No one got lost, stolen, or injured so I’d say it was a win. 
Same thing for ice cream today… everything was smooth sailing so I’m grateful for that. A lot of times Im very conservative about where I take the girls solo & how I take them (stroller or no stroller) because as you can imagine, things can get real hectic real fast. But these were two good experiences that reminded that we can do this thing together & still have so much fun! 

Anywho…….. YES! Things are so good right now! So incredibly grateful for what is & actually quite expectant about what’s to come. I’ve got some good vibes that some amazing things are going to happen here pretty soon………… don’t know what it is but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be one of the sweetest gifts from the Lord ever.  Lol
I hope y’all are having a great week!!!! Miss this space dearly and so grateful for you for continuing to read and email and share your encouragement & testimonies! Means the whole entire world!!


… the days are long 

… so I posted this post a couple of weeks ago. It never made it to my blog because one of the shorter people who live in my home (& play with my phone) changed a few things on my WordPress app. 

Better late than never…… right?

… but the years are short. 

I have no idea what we were doing last week, but I remember this time last year like it was yesterday. 

Chaotic and dark and painful days filled with this crazy joy and love for my babies and the beginnings of a real peace seeping into my world. Two chubbies crawling around, cruising, starting on purées, and Gerber puffs. Wearing little moccasins and Carter’s onesies & those heavy Stride Rite shoes. 

How I wished and wished for better days and totally missed what was right in front of me. As horrible as this sounds, I’m quite a few months into really seeing my babies. Really taking them in versus being a fog and checking off caring for them like tasks on a to do list. My days aren’t  not a blur anymore. And, I’m soaking every moment with these people and this season of my life up because it’s full of expectancy and anticipation like never before. 

My girls and I went to the park today and I wanted to stay. I wanted to watch them climb up the slides and explore. I wanted to just observe them laugh and play, watching them do new things is so neat….. Didn’t want to worry about the heat or bugs or the freaking schedule. Right now, I have a kid that’s half my size laying on my chest and I love it. While it’s a bit inconvenient & it’s delaying some progress, why rush her off to her crib?  Yes I have things to do that a sleeping 25 pounder laying on your chest totally stops, but it’s also giving me time to share Plexus, blog, sit with the Lord, & just be. So, we’re being productive. And, I learned a bit more about being flexible, enduring, & patient. 

I’m learning not to rush through “it”. Learning that not everything has to change today….. not matter how hard, painful, or inconvenient…….. it doesn’t have to change today. But it could actually change tomorrow. I know that you can get through the day. That the longer you’re in it, the longer you’re face to face with the Lord, the better. depending on him for each moment is draining but so good. I was listening to Priscilla Shirer today and she talked about how we miss opportunities to grow our character and relationship with God when we rush through life. And, she’s so right. So the Lord is working things out for our good. And, one thing that helped to broaden my perspective and exercise a bit of patience was thinking of God “working things together” like planning an event. Have you ever done that? You have to work with a caterer, a baker, the venue coordinator, you gotta get your dress, the shoes, the invite list, stationary, etc etc for ONE event. Imagine that the Lord is doing that with you & every person in your life as he’s trying to get us to where he wants is to be. All the pieces he is coordinating and lining up ever so perfectly to make things work for our good. So now, if I’m strugglingwith someone, I just think……. he’s working on the cake design with the caterer & that’s why this isn’t quite ready yet. This hasn’t happened because we’re waiting for that last RSVP. While nothing is too hard for God and he can make anything happen when he wants, he understands the importance of the process. And, I’m learning to appreciate it. 

We’re a few months away from the end of 2016 and I literally cannot believe all that’s happened. It’s been so good and I wish I hadn’t rushed through some parts, but even through that God has been good and has grown me so much.  

Not wishing a moment by. Not rushing through one experience to get to the next. Yea sometimes I want Jesus to come down immediately but then I remember that someone this right here that feels like walking through drying concrete, has the potential to draw me closer to the Lord & shape me to be more like him……. or, I could totally waste this time & complain. 

The Lord is my shepherd, he restores my soul, he leads me. I will fear  no evil because the Lord is with me (and has already been right here because he also goes before me). He has a provides for me, he pursues me, he challenges me, &strengthens  me. 

Christ offers us freedom, joy, peace, and a relationship overflowing with a loyal, unconditional love. It’s up to us whether or not we accept it, we fight to grasp hold of it, and rest in Him. Learning to do that is NOT easy. Learning to navigate a whole new circumstance isn’t easy, but it can be done & it can be done well. 

…… you just gotta learn trust the Lord’s party planning skills. 


Greater than…

I have said these things to you, so that in me you will have peace.
In the world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world.
– John 16:33

Sounds like a whole lot of doom and gloom but this is a message of hope, opportunity, and assurance. This life isn’t easy. It is full of pain, disappointment, and hard things but the remarkable thing about having a savior who offers hope and redemption is that this life isn’t our focus. We don’t have to allow life’s circumstances to color our world view and perspective. Why? Because this life and all of it’s brokenness isn’t our focus. It isn’t our end.

I know spiritual warfare is real….. But, I’ve always thought of it in terms of what is happening outside of myself. The brokenness in relationships, conflict, confusion, etc was spiritual warfare. And, although I knew that the Devil was after souls, for whatever reason it never dawned on me that he would be after mine. But, he was. He was after my gifts, my voice, my mind, my hope….. and, it was battle. Y’all… a battle. I would cry to the Lord asking who was interceding for me knowing that that was Christ’s and the Holy Spirit’s job…. “Why aren’t you battling for me?” He was, but he wasn’t going to pull me out without my permission. I had to believe that everything that was going on, that was breaking my heart was not because he didn’t love me. It wasn’t because he saw what I was going through and treated it like the mound of laundry on the couch. He wasn’t going to get back to me and at another time. He was there with me, but he wanted me to choose him. I was frustrated because I was carrying this backpack full of boulders and I couldn’t do it anymore, it was taking me over. But, it was my choice to carry that load. He wasn’t forcing me to carry it. Therefore wasn’t putting me in a position to be weighted down in the way that I was.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you….
– Psalm 55:22

I struggled in my faith and I had a hard time believing the Lord for the things that he promised when at the end of the day it was simply because I was focusing on the wrong thing. A lesson that has been on the agenda for quite some time…… yet I’m guilt free about.  Jesus didn’t die on the cross for me to feel guilty about struggling with the issues of life. Unpacking all of the crap that was weighing me down – legitimate, hard crap – allowed me to see more of God’s character. I was able to learn more and more about him and honestly, I’m thankful that I get doses of lessons instead of one overwhelming lesson all at once. There’s too much Jesus to understand to get it all at once. Sometimes those lessons are harder than others, other times they’re easier to grasp but I’m thankful that they all drive me to my knees.

This time…..
I learned that God is greater than any feeling, emotion, physical pain, goal, and I have and any circumstance I find myself in.
He is bigger than any wrong I could ever do. That he is greater than the highs and the lows. 

And, that truth brings me to my knees.
He can take my anger towards him, my fears about the unknown, my disappointments about life… and not take it personally.
And the freedom for me is that it doesn’t mean I love him or believe in him any less.
And, he isn’t going to be angry or passive aggressive towards me for how I felt.

I learned that while everything I need is found in him ALONE – all of the acceptance, credit, joy, love, peace, happiness, reward, rest… it’s all in him. There is no one person that can love me or allow me to rest better than my Heavenly Father.

And, I saw that one of the greatest blessings he has given us is people. He created us to be relational and he blesses us with keepers, with people who love like his does. Who served like he did, who accept, teach, and welcome as he did. He surrounds us with people who pour into us and teach us. He gives us physically what he also offers us spiritually. Then, he builds us up enough to be and do that for others. Circle of faith?

Thankful for the war. Thankful for the renewed faith.
Thankful for the love and grace.
For the highs and the lows that keep my feet firmly planted on the rock of my hope and salvation.