12 weeks!!

When first found found out I was pregnant, imagining and dreaming of what I would “be” like at every stage of the pregnancy was something that happened quite a bit. Getting out of the first trimester with both of my babes healthy and strong was definitely a goal that I felt I would never reach. 13 weeks felt so far away. But, here we are, just days a way from that mark and so far, so good. And, I’m thankful to experience a swelling belly much sooner….. I literally love the roundness and rounding of my tummy!

We made 12 weeks on Thomas’ birthday, and if I were to color a bit more in the lines it would have been the day we announced we were expecting. lol.

How are we feeling??!?!?!
Better!!! Literally every day is better and I’m so grateful for that! I’m not as worn out as I used to be and I actually woke up twice before 9a on my own. THAT is victory, my friends! I’m definitely eating a  lot more. Late night snacks at midnight at even in the 2a hour (yup) are becoming the norm, as are hunger pangs right after I finish eating and declaring myself  ”full”! lol.

What’s going on with the bump?!?!
It’s growing…. OMG. And, I love every bit of it. What makes it even more fun is that other people can see the week by week progress so that makes me feel a lot less delusional about the fact that I “have a bump”! lol. Shopping has become quite interesting as I try so hard to wear “regular” clothes and find dresses that can kindly stretch around my bump, but that’s proving to be very difficult. I’m starting to step into reality and bought a few pieces at Motherhood maternity that I’m really, really excited about wearing. I reasoned with myself that it’s a lot smarter to buy clothes that would grow with me and wouldn’t look like I was trying way to hard. lol

So, how are you feeling?!
I’m so thankful as my babies and sweet babes grow. So thankful that I get to see my babies at every appointment. I laugh that these appointments have nothing to do with me other than my weight (which I’m praying has increased more than a little bit) and blood pressure. My Dr. is so patient and takes her time with us, that she allows us to watch the babies move and roll around in their sacs, I’m grateful that she doesn’t rush through our ultrasound or questions! I’m also grateful for the opportunity to see the babies at every appointment. I’m realizing that most mamas only get a few ultrasounds throughout their pregnancy and I’m glad that we get to see our sweet kiddos every month! A perk of being high risk! lol.

Anything else?
Way back, I posted a poem about how it felt to be infertile as you painfully watch all of your friends and family become moms and as they painfully watch you struggle. To be on the inside of the Chateau now, mingling and exchanging experiences, belly rubs, and joys with other mamas has been the most amazing experience. Now that I’m on the inside, watching as other mamas and mamas to be struggle particularly due to losing their babies is so very difficult especially after coming & going the way I have over the past months. It’s hard to find your place again. I’ve learned that motherhood wells up entirely different kinds of fears that I believe nothing else could, one of those fears would be losing your child. My heart goes out to these mamas who have lost their babies….. 4 mamas in the past couple of months. It’s heartbreaking and difficult but knowing that God redeems us, repairs our hearts, and has a plan for our lives which surpasses anything we could ever dream is the ultimate comfort.

From mommy….
There’s a list of things I ‘can’t wait’ for…. a list of things I want to see and experience… a never ending sea of questions I have about you. I try not to rush through the days to get to the ‘next’ thing, but work hard to enjoy every moment. Knowing that while each passing day brings me closer to having you in my arms, it’s a day that you need to grow strong and develop well. I won’t rush you, take your time. I’ll be right here waiting for you… (This is one of my absolute favorite songs in the entire world… lol)
- mommy

Post Jam: Stay With Me by Sam Smith




alainabridgeThis past week, we were in full fledge vacation mode….. limited internet access helped a ton with winding down the summer and enjoying time with family/friends!!

It was so nice to have one last summer vacation experience as a duo, before we become an instantaneous party of four.

This is my eleven week belly….. the belly that grows as much week by week as it does as the day goes on (lol)…. the belly that is housing two of my greatest creations, my greatest blessings, my greatest gifts, and the cause of the greatest thanks. The babies that have rocked my whole world, caused me to vomit in public places, and has brought us so much joy and love already.

Being pregnant has opened my eyes to a lot of thoughts I’ve had that truly weren’t fair and were quite judgmental. Thoughts that were so foolish and inconsiderate.
For instance, the size of early bellies.
They’re small. And, at times I’d see mamas to be posing with these super small bellies and think, “Cute, but there’s barely anything there.”
Well, I will say that I do appreciate opportunities that open my eyes.
I recognize that my belly is  small comparatively speaking and for some it may not seem like a big deal.
But, it is. It’s huge for a couple of reasons.
First, I’m bigger than I’ve ever been before and this body is changing fast. And, two, there’s life inside of this smallish growing belly.
So, to us… while there’s “barely anything there”, its the most amazing “barely anything” we’ve ever experienced.
Perspective and a willingness to understand makes a world of a difference.

bellySeven days in the Caribbean was phenomenal and so relaxing. I followed Dr.’s orders and limited my time in the sun, enjoyed the surf, water, and beach in spurts, lounged in the shade drinking lots of water and icees building relationships and enjoying friends.

People watching is one of my favorite favorite things to do….
I found myself watching young families at the beach and airports wondering and laughing with Thomas about what we’ll look like a year from now, traveling with two little babes. lol. Both of us talking about what we don’t get about kids and the nuances of traveling with kids… lol.
Sidebar: Thomas is a major fan of me bearing the belly! He even proudly pointed out the fact that my linea nigra (the dark line down the abdomen) is making an appearance. lol.

And, this guy.
sleepHis birthday is today.
Every year I look back on who is has become and am grateful for the growth, the craziness I put him through and how he so graciously and patiently deals with my spontaneous decisions and chasing my heart all over the place, and how him he is. And, how being exactly who he is has made me better, has benefited our relationship, our business, and our life together.


Even though I always get on him for how lucky he is for having a summer birthday that isn’t smushed between anything, he really deserves an amazing day all his own, not impacted or eclipsed by anything else.


Happy birthday, man!


“do you feel fat?”

A couple of days ago, I surprised myself by fitting into a skirt that I thought was for sure clothing item of the past.

BUT, then…
it zipped.
And, I was thrilled.

The first few weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I talked a lot about clothes and I feared getting “fat”. I was used to being a certain size and didn’t want to ruin what I honestly didn’t have to work that hard for, knowing I should have been taking better care of my body. Dressing my growing belly into clothes that would help make me feel beautiful and cute even when I was “fat” was important to me.

So, now, as my clothes begin to fit a bit more snug and I need help zipping my dresses, my belly is apparently growing, and the need to finally purchase (gasp) maternity clothes makes itself more and more clear,  Thomas asks me, “Do you feel fat?” And, I say, “No.” and continue getting ready.

Weight has always been a big issue for me and to not equate weight gain to getting fat is kinda big.
So, I GET IT. Completely. I understand how a woman can struggle with the weight gain, the larger clothes, undies and bras, and all of the less than desirable changes that go along with pregnancy. Especially women who have been considered “small” and those considered “overweight”, gaining weight is the least exciting and one of the most stressful aspects of pregnancy.  No matter where we find ourselves on the scale or your size on the rack, no one wants to struggle with losing pregnancy weight and no one wants to be made to feel less than attractive during one of the most emotional times of their life.

But, guys… we aren’t fat.
We’re pregnant.

20140706-232029-84029487.jpg(Needless to say, I needed more than a little help zipping this dress up.
and, didn’t realize it looked so…. s t r e c h e d.
But, hey. I knew this day was coming and I enjoyed it thoroughly and even got a few compliments.
Welcome to retirement beautiful, emerald green dress. 

Right now, I’m glad that my growing belly makes me feel beautiful. Not fat. I emphasize now because I’m not completely obtuse to the fact that one day over the next (prayerfully) 26 weeks and (hopefully) 48 lbs., I may at some point use the f-word to describe how I see myself or feel.

But, I understand how we, how some woman can feel this way. I know that expanding waistlines can really mess with your psyche. How no longer being able to fit your old clothes along with the possibility of not being able to get back into them or your body never being quite the same can be scary. I know how when you don’t quite have a bump but a little fluff that kinda laps over your pants doesn’t look fabulous…. being stuck in this in between phase where you don’t fit in your old clothes and you’re too small to fit maternity clothes down right sucks.

Instead of feeling fat, I feel privileged. The fact that there are two sweet babes who are growing and developing, causing my waistline to expand is an honor. I’m so thankful. Knowing that there are groups of women who are desiring to expand their families but are having difficulties and experiencing losses, a group I was a part of for years, makes you want to take the less than glamorous aspect of pregnancy in stride. I never thought I’d be on the other side of infertility and I don’t want to  allow culture and social media and it’s unrealistic expectations and impossible realities (for me and my pregnancy) to dampen my views on such an amazing experience.

It’s frustrating to see and hear women who aren’t comfortable and confident in their pregnant bodies.
It’s upsetting to see women idolizing “tiny” 3rd trimester bumps as if large bumps aren’t just as sweet.
Mamas who’ve gained a bit more weight than expected, ones who waddle a little sooner, or have earned a few stretch marks shouldn’t feel less beautiful than the ones who’ve had an “easier” experience.

While our pregnancies may not look the way we imagined them to, while they vary from belly to belly, know that you are accomplishing a task that is denied to many. One that is beautiful and hard. Mind blowing and body strengthening.

One that requires you to do a bit of gaining for the benefit of your baby and that allows your body to do what it was made to do.

Work out, if you can…. I can’t. I literally need every calorie I can possibly spare. And, enjoy those (healthy/healthy-ish) snacks, which I will be! lol.

Post Jam: Capri by Colbie Callat